Here we go again.. (2)

[matw]

Starting new thread as I reached 100 posts on the last one... Here is the link to my last one -

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2706614&page=1

Quick recap - W and I are married for the second time. This time we have been back together for 6 years and married for 2. In the spring I get the ILYBNILWY. She goes to see an IC then we start seeing him as a MC. We actually have a really great summer and seem to be working on getting back to where we need to be. Then in Sept she tells me that she needs space and is going to move to an apartment. She moves into her Apartment on November 10th. We have 3 kids - Son(10), Son(9), daughter(3). So currently we are separated and in different houses. We haven't talked about divorce yet but I have a feeling that's about to change...

[matw]

So to continue from my last thread.. Yesterday I get an email that she would like to go somewhere to meet and discuss stuff.

So last night sort of sucked... but I made it through. After my W telling me she would like to talk about "Stuff" she posted to Instagram a photo that read, "Never be afraid to start over. Its a chance to rebuild your life the way you wanted all along". So that is what is leading me to stuff being I would like to get a divorce. Obviously I won't know for sure until we talk on Saturday but I am preparing myself for that. Does anybody have any advice on how I should act if that is the case?

I did keep myself busy last night because I didn't have my kids and didn't want to be alone in my house. I ended up going to 2 hours worth of kickboxing.. one hour as an actual class and the 2nd hour working on combatives. It was just the thing I needed to keep my mind off it for awhile. I did have some issues sleeping last night.. Couldn't go to sleep and once I did I kept waking up thinking about what is going on.

[ATPeace]

Hi Matt

I'm sorry that you're here is what I would say is meet her and listen ....listen to what she has to say validate her feelings try and let her do as much of the talking as you can If there is one thing that I have learnt from all this is ultimately you have no control on what the other person decides to do

I really wish you well

Take care

[matw]

Hi Matt

I'm sorry that you're here is what I would say is meet her and listen ....listen to what she has to say validate her feelings try and let her do as much of the talking as you can If there is one thing that I have learnt from all this is ultimately you have no control on what the other person decides to do

I really wish you well

Take care

Thanks Atpeace. I really think that is the only thing I can do. I really just need to make sure I keep my emotions in check and not show how much this is hurting me. My plan is to validate and listen but let her know that a divorce isn't what I want at this time but can't stop her from pursuing it. It just sort of [censored] because when she was moving into the apartment we both agreed that we would give it 6 months before we decided on a divorce.

[ATPeace]

I feel for you I really do ..you are right to say keep your emotions in check as hard as it is you must.

I am in between jobs but I will check back in on you later

[matw]

So yesterday the W shared with me her schedule for when she is going back to school. She wants to be an addiction counselor and will be back in school for about 3 years with class work and clinical hours. So just by looking at her schedule I noticed that she will be going at nights when she is supposed to have the kids. I am torn about this and not sure what I should do especially if we are heading for a divorce.

If my state whoever has the kids more nights is considered the custodial parent. Our salaries are so vastly different that if I am the custodial parent my child support payment would be dramatically less. On the other hand I don't want to have the kids so much that it makes it "easy" on her. My therapist tells me I am very guilty of being way the ultimate Mr. Nice Guy and enabling her. Now don't get me wrong I would take my kids every night if I could and love them very much. I already have them 8 nights out of 14 days. With her new school/work schedule though I think that is going to move to 10 nights out of 14.. if not more. I am just not sure if I should tell her that she needs to work out sitters for them.. or if I should just take them. I just don't want to seem like a push over to her that will continue to enable her if I don't have to. Not sure if that makes sense...

On the other hand last night I didn't have the kids and pushed myself to go to a kickboxing class. I didn't really want to go but knew I didn't really want to sit in my empty house. So ended up going and worked up a sweat. It was hard and I was exhausted but was able to go home watch a little TV and sleep through the night. Tonight I get my kids for the next 3 days and I am pretty excited about it.

[matw]

So today is one of those hard days... I had the kids last night and my D3 had a horrible cough so she was up most of the night. Whimpering for both my W and I. I am also getting extremely nervous about the "stuff" talk on Saturday.

The other thing that I am not ready for is if she does tell me she is seeing someone and/or she wants a divorce is our S10 is having his 11th birthday on Monday. She is planning on coming to the family dinner with my parents. Part of me wants to tell her that she needs to do her own birthday with him. Then again I don't want to punish my S by not letting him see my W on his birthday. So I have been thinking a lot about that.

Just been really hard this week and I know its going to be like this for awhile. I miss being a family and being able to count on her. I miss talking and texting her when I had issues with work. I miss being able to hug and kiss her...

So this weekend I am trying to keep myself busy and go out with Friends both Sat and Sunday. My instructor isn't available to take me up flying this weekend. That [censored] because that is always awesome and keeps me distracted for a couple of hours. I guess just have to keep my chin up and keep going one day at a time.

[ATPeace]

Hey mat

It is not easy some days and all you can do is keep in the present thinking about the past or what may be the future does not help.

Detaching from your W is the hardest thing to do but this is the key to happiness

Be strong my friend

Ghost