You Can't Fix 'Em-But What About Family?

[twinmom]

If your H is so wonderful & you have an amazing relationship why are you here?

I'm a little dense & just don't understand why you are saying everything is perfect but are seeking advice on a marriage saving site?

Yep, I'm just baffled.

2Lady



I have followed your sitch from post one .... as DB as this sounds I am sorry to hear that you feel this way but I am not really that surprised. In your situation you have a massive cake eater and you have armed yourself with a shovel thinking he will get fat and tired of it which is why you do not have a monster on your hands trying to escape. By 'helping and being there for him' you are actually just enabling him and in return you are not happy, you are not GALing or trying to grow so essentially you both will sadly be stuck for some time.

I do wish you well on your journey

I came back just to see the responses here and as I expected my last post was deleted. But I could not stay quiet and have to defend my husband against this slander. I have not shared the core reason my husband got married with the forum but I can assure you that there was something we could not solve any other way under the laws of the country we live in other than for him to marry. Where you live, the laws are different. You have different options available. If you and your wife faced the same problem we did, you would not have to marry another woman, nor even have a relationship with another woman, nor even meet another woman, to solve the same problem. You'd be able to solve the problem as husband and wife alone. So instead of this being a case of "cake-eating," it's a man who is forced to take on extra responsibility for the rest of his life in order to solve a problem that the both of us faced. If I am enabling him, it is because he is doing this for US, believe it or not. He could have left me behind and solved the problem for himself without me, but he didn't. He did not want to abandon me. We have an excellent relationship with one another. Maybe you would consider it a big sweet and tasty cake to have two women, but that's because you aren't considering the implications of being a good husband to two. My husband is a good man at heart, trying to handle the circumstances God has given him and a situation that he simply has not thought through very well yet, but with time he will figure things out. I'm not sitting around waiting for things to change. I don't need to GAL as I already have one. I know that goes against DB theory because we are supposed to all be losers who don't have a life and that is why we are here, but we are all different and that is not necessarily true. I will love him and be happy with him whatever he chooses because the foundation of our relationship is solid. I will find a way to make the best out of the situation, for both our sakes, because we are good for eachother and want to be together. Simple as that.

[2Lady]

If your H is so wonderful & you have an amazing relationship why are you here?

I'm a little dense & just don't understand why you are saying everything is perfect but are seeking advice on a marriage saving site?

Yep, I'm just baffled.

Turn the question around: if you are on a marriage saving site, why is your marriage so miserable?

Because when you actually break free from everyone else's miserable tales and the advice about how you need to handle your husband, and stop looking at your husband and what horrible things he might do through the stories of others, you see him with your own eyes again and remember that he is the man you love and not the monsters that everyone else says they are married to, and when you start dealing with him in the way you know best rather than how others tell you to do so, it all becomes so much easier and feels natural and comfortable.

[Esame]

2Lady, I don't think you have the right to critise any of us, since by your own admission all is good in your marriage and your H is wonderful, and you are an awsome and caring wife. I am not sure what you are trying to get out of this site (or this post). Maybe if you tried to show some empathy and walk in our shoes for a while you would see that despite of the anger or the name calling and the husbands that do horrible things we choose to stick by them. We try to save marriages that are on life support, with no support from anyone but the people on this forum. I live alone in a foreign country, bringing up three children between the ages of 2 to 10. My eldest is on the autistic spectrum. My MIL is fighting cancer, my little sister is about to have a hysterectomy and an early menopause and I am unable to help. I have no friends or family around me, so I'm sorry if I come here to vent about a husband that has rejected me for 9 months, that lies through his teeth, that has an EA with one of my best friends, that looks at me like he hates me. Did I mention that all happened overnight? He was caring, and loving and wonderful. And now he is not, but I'm sticking by him. Because I truly love him. And that means more to me than anything he says or does. And I put my emotional health aside to DB instead of doing what I should have done months ago, which is to cick him out and move on. Don't lecture us on how to be good spouses, because our problems might not be the same as yours, but they are real too.

By the way, I agree with the site that removed your goodbye post, because it simply goes against everything this site is about. It is about support, and helping others, not about GALing or whatever you interpreted to be about. And by the way, GALing saved ME. As an individual I am so much happier that I took on running and that I take care of my appearance more. And I'm investing in myself because this investment will in the long turn help my marriage and my family. Suspect you found the advice here irrelevant because your issues are different, maybe f you went through what we are going through you would empathise a little more.

So I'm sorry if our miserable tales burdened you, however I wish you and your marriage all the best for the future.

[twinmom]

If your H is so wonderful & you have an amazing relationship why are you here?

I'm a little dense & just don't understand why you are saying everything is perfect but are seeking advice on a marriage saving site?

Yep, I'm just baffled.

Turn the question around: if you are on a marriage saving site, why is your marriage so miserable?

Because when you actually break free from everyone else's miserable tales and the advice about how you need to handle your husband, and stop looking at your husband and what horrible things he might do through the stories of others, you see him with your own eyes again and remember that he is the man you love and not the monsters that everyone else says they are married to, and when you start dealing with him in the way you know best rather than how others tell you to do so, it all becomes so much easier and feels natural and comfortable.

Well, first off this site isn't a "magic pill" that just by visiting your marriage becomes perfect. This site is about helping to save your marriage & yourself. It takes time to do that so many people who are here are still in that process.
And I do look at my husband differently than other people but me personally I'm not cool with any other women besides me in his "romantic" life...... that's just me but I'm all about the 1 on 1 thing for relationships. So no I'm not going to look at him and be like 'yea sure, go do whatever you want' nope that's not being true to me.

I was just completely confused why you were seeking marriage advice when you say you have it all figured out.