What should I be doing (Working toward D 9)

[cbtdad]

Cnut,
Glad to hear you are getting the anger under control. I know it's hard to deal with.
I am glad to see you are focusing on you and what you can control.
The places that you are looking are beautiful. My FIL lives in Asheville. We go up from Atlanta quite a bit

[Coconut]

The urge to take care of things for my WW is strong... We haven't got the written offer yet, but realtor told us about a counter offer to our counter offer for the house, and we are going to accept it once it comes in.

So I went in to WW's office (we work together) to let her know that I just had my interview, I think they are going to offer me the job, and they indicated they wanted to the person to start in 3 weeks.. I let her know because that would mean I would be leaving town in 2 weeks, and would have to fly back down for the closing. When I went into her office, she was pulling her credit score which took a hit the month of BD (I wasn't in a bill paying mood when I found out) and she didn't take the initiative to make sure her stuff was paid.

Anyway, I asked if she was planning on buying something as soon as we sell, and she said she wants to buy a townhouse. I advised her that unless we are divorced by then, I don't know that I am willing to sign off on that since I would then be responsible for half that debt. I'm going to talk to my lawyer, but I believe me signing off on her buying a place would be a bad idea for me.

I think it's hitting her a little, just how real this $h!t is... I hope one day she can look at this whole situation and shake her head in disbelief that she did all this for something she considers a "friendship".

I'm a bit anxious, selling the house, possibly changing jobs and moving in a few weeks, it's a lot of changes in a short amount of time. But I am excited, I am not angry, I am ready to go off into the big bad world and find myself again.

[Coconut]

Sadness prevails... Had another Facebook memory pop up, where she randomly posted som you're the best husband ever thing... I really wish I could figure out how to stop those, but anyway, I shared this one simply captioning "we did have some good times"..

Then just now walking through my house and my dogs following me around, realizing that will never happen again soon, tears are flowing.. Funny cause I don't feel overly sad, just sentimental, if that makes sense...

Life's changing, and your boy coconut is trying to change with it

[hawker]

Ugh...I hate the Facebook memories!!!!! I think you can change it in your settings. And its ok to have those sentimental feelings, you are human, you built a life with you and your family there! Hang in there!

[Coconut]

Thanks hawker, I appreciate the words of support. Unfortunately I don't think there is a way to change settings, I have looked extensively.. I even went and untangled me from years of posts from her.


Sandi2, Wonka, blu and other longtime supporters, I could really use some words of encouragement or 2x4s, I'm just looking to hear from y'all right now

[Rose888]

Hang in there. Transitions make me sentimental under the best of circumstances.

[RSG]

Coconut! So sorry to hear this. I know it's hard, just let the feelings flow through you. Enjoy your dogs, try to have a nice supper with your son. Make the most of your last days! You've got this.

[Coconut]

Thx ya'll, just knowing that we are gonna sign the contract to sell the house this morning, and that will be that, brought on a lot of emotion. It appears it did for W as well, I woke up to see this text:

"It makes me really sad that you have decided to leave the state. I realize that you have to do what you feel is best for you but Son is going to be so sad & i just can't believe that you don't want to be in his everyday life anymore.

I know you are anxious to start your new life but I wasn't in a hurry to rush the divorce. I guess I still had some hope that we may be able to find our way back to each other at some point. Sorry to dump all this on you. It's just really sad. "


I gotta be honest, it's a message that I wanted so bad for so long, but it doesn't mean much to me now. I'm really in a good place, and it kinda irritates me that she could keep doing everything she's been doing and then admitting that she wants to keep me as her backup plan. I don't even know how to respond to that, or if I even want to. If I was giving DB advice to myself, I would probably say:

"A D isn't want I want, but it just isn't that easy anymore, a lot has happened in the last few months and actions haven't shown any indication to me that fixing us is what you really want. It pains me not to be part of sons daily life, but selling the house takes me out of that role regardless of where I live, even if I lived locally I would only be able to be with him once or twice every two weeks."

Thoughts?

[Zues126]

Seems like too much to me. I'd go with:

"Transitions like this can be hard on everyone at times. With time I know we will all be in a better place."

I think she'd have to be much more clear and open than that before you give her the time of day with an emotional response. All she is doing is blaming, judging, and temp checking. Don't even break your stride.

[cbtdad]

I completely agree with Zeus on this
To me this is her starting to see the results of her actions.
It seems like a complete temp check and wanting to make sure she has safety net
I would respond just like Zeus said
If she wants to make it work she is gonna need to do the heavy lifting right now