What Should I be doing (5)

[Ginger1]

I don't mean to hijack this thread, so I'll be brief...

Speaking of names, every time I'd see the name Coconut and Ginger, I was reminded of something, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Then it suddenly came to me: Gilligan's Island. There were always coconuts on the island and Ginger was suave actress on the island.

Mystery solved. Sorry about the interruption.

Now That is funny, I didn't even realize it! There is a song by the Bloodhound Gang that has this line refers to Gillian's island and beating Ginger with coconuts....

I look just like Ginger too.......hehehehe

Ok, back to the regularly scheduled program.

[Coconut]

Doodler, your welcome on my thread anytime, I love coming across your posts as the insertion of humor into the horror of the stories is a nice reprieve.

And if anyone throws me at Ginger I'm gonna be very upset with you

[Coconut]

There is a BBQ competition downtown today, I'll be leaving in a couple of hours and spending the better part of the day there, then going out tonight to play pool with a bunch of friends.. I've decided that for me and my M to really flourish I need to emotionally detach from my W, and work on GAL, like really getting my own life.. So even though she is not doing anything tonight, I made my own plans instead of trying to plan something with her. Things are going ok with us, but I really want to become the me that will make her go crazy because she wants me so bad, and so confident and happy with myself, that if that was to ever change, it wouldn't affect my own happiness.

We ended up having a short R talk yesterday, came down to her saying that my constant analyzing and questioning of everything is really wearing her down. She doesn't understand how one minute we can be snuggling in bed and chatting, and then 10 minutes later I'm upset and asking R questions. She is right in that regard, so I'm gonna take Wonkas advice, go to the H Depot and get me some STFU tape (heavy duty).

I really just wanna detach from her, I'm not saying not spend time with her, just be ok not spending time with her and be ok with her doing her own thing. Today I'm gonna try and hit the reset button, go back to a begineers mindset and focus on me. She's not going anywhere, and as long as I can take care of my business I will be able to flourish.

[WSB]

That sounds like a great plan Nut, no harm can ever come of working on you and taking time to enjoy yourself. Hope you have a fantastic day and evening.

Let me ask you one thing, in the last sentence you said she is not going anywhere. What if you come home later and find out she did make plans and enjoyed a nice day like you plan on doing? Will you be ok with that, will you question where she was and who she was with?

[Coconut]

That sounds like a great plan Nut, no harm can ever come of working on you and taking time to enjoy yourself. Hope you have a fantastic day and evening.

Let me ask you one thing, in the last sentence you said she is not going anywhere. What if you come home later and find out she did make plans and enjoyed a nice day like you plan on doing? Will you be ok with that, will you question where she was and who she was with?

When I said that I meant I believe she's committed to working on us and not leaving M. As for today, she's in fire academy until 5pm, then she mentioned going back to station later to wash her gear (they can't wash it at home because smoke has carcinogens and they don't want the firefighters to bring that home). If she also went out on top of that, I'm sure I would have anxiety (thus need to detach), but I'm trying to make the conscious decision to be ok with it and not feel like I need to control everything (the old me).. It's a work in progress but something that I know needs to happen.

[cbtdad]

Cnut,
I hope you have an awesome day. Sounds like you are doing what you know you need to be doing.
You know my situation. So I don't have to tell you what "wearing her down" can do
Duct tape is a great idea!! lol

[Coconut]

No wearing her down today, I did my thing and didn't text her, except to reply to her texts asking about the night out, and just said we where having a blast. 1 day down and a lot more to go.

Today was fun

[Coconut]

Oh, and ran in to a lot of our friends at the BBQ cook off earlier, they were all posting pics of us on Facebook and she kept commenting on the pics, but I didn't see them until now (1:30am), I think she missed being out with me today.

[Coconut]

Woke up this morning wanting to ask questions... Uh oh... Easiest way for me to tell I'm not detached is because I had lots of fun yesterday, but I was so hoping she would ask me tons of questions about it (I shouldn't care f she wants to know or not)..

Anyway, so I woke up before her and my mind was wandering into the dangerous land of why's and when's, I recognized it and decided that today I was not gonna go there (I'll worry about tomorrow when it gets here), so I went and put workout clothes on, woke her up so she could go to her karate class and I immediately said bye and went for a bike ride. First hour of the day a success, now to keep the tape on for the next hour when she gets home, but should be easier since I feel good right now. Maybe I need to go one hour at a time instead of a day at a time.

[RSG]

Good job. Baby steps. You didn't act on your desire to know and instead got on with your activities.

I'd agree. If an entire day seems like it would be open to backsliding here and there, try to go an hour at a time. Give yourself a pat on the back, and keep on. Remember, if you offer info, they may believe you're only doing XYZ for the reaction rather than because you want to do it.