My story for what it's worth

[WSB]

Well got another text from W last night if I had decided on a time or place where we could have that talk. I replied to her that I was not ready to have that discussion at this time.

Not 30 seconds later my phone rang and it was her. She asked why the change of heart. I told her I never really committed to it in the 1st place, I could tell she was kind of panicked. She kept saying how this talk was necessary and how could I not want to sit down with her to deal with matters at hand. It took every ounce of restraint from me to say we should have been doing this 3 - 4 months ago before she packed up and left but I refrained.

She then accused me of doing this as a way to pay her back for her leaving. I assured her that was not the case and that I really don't think the talk at this point would do any good. I told her when this all first went down my mindset was to save the marriage, whether she knew that at the time or not that was what my goal was. I told her in a way that is still my priority and I knew if she kept pushing for some big heart to heart it would only hurt those chances.

After all was said and done I don't think she really understands where I am coming from. I made the decision the other day to ignore her original request for the talk and only answer it if she pressed. I know in my heart right now nothing good could come of it. I need more time to work on all the feelings and emotions that have been brought about by these events. I do some day hope to repair my marriage I love my wife but neither of us are ready to jump back in, I hope she reflects on that as well.

Thanks for listening DB forum

[sandi2]

Wish I had caught your previous posts about her wanting to meet.

W: Thanks please let me know as soon as you can

Here is what tipped me off. If she was really wanting to get back together for the right reason.......why the urgency? Why is she pressing for a date/time ASAP?

As you said, you were not expecting this......and if it were genuine, I think you would have been seeing little signs along the way. There is a reason why she jumps right into wanting to talk about the R.

Not 30 seconds later my phone rang and it was her. She asked why the change of heart. I told her I never really committed to it in the 1st place, I could tell she was kind of panicked.

Yep, here it comes! She's going to try and flip the coin.

She kept saying how this talk was necessary and how could I not want to sit down with her to deal with matters at hand.

She then accused me of doing this as a way to pay her back for her leaving.

After all was said and done I don't think she really understands where I am coming from.

I suggest her reality is dawning on her and she doesn't like it. I wouldn't be too surprised to learn there is something going on that pushed her to need this speedy little R talk, so she can get back home.

I think you did an outstanding job!!

Even if she's sincere, she needs to work to get you back. Don't make it too easy for her. Oh, and this will go one of two ways, I think. She'll either get really pi$$ed (blaming, accusing, etc.) and go ice cold, or she'll start pursuing you harder. Frankly, I think she'll be pi$$ed and then pursue you when she sees she can't win by being mad. Don't let her manipulate you.

[WSB]

Thanks for the feedback Sandi, I know how valuable your advice is around here and I assure you I won't take it lightly

As for her urgency, I have a feeling some of it is driven by financials. She did not plan this out and she does not have the income to support her being out on her own, even with the crazy amount of $ I give her for child support It's one of the reasons I am hesitant but have not shared that with her.

She hasn't shown the pi$$ed side yet but I'm prepared for it if and when it comes.

It's amazing when this all started I was so obssessed with everything she did or said. I tried to interpret it to see if it had any hidden meaning but all it did was drive me crazy. As soon as I really said I was going to "literally" follow the tools I read about here and other places and not just talk about it everything shifted. This is my time now, at first I was overwhelmed that I was even getting it and wanted it to end quickly now I plan on taking full advantage of it no matter where it leads

[RDS]

WSB, this has been an excellent read. I really hope things continue to go well. I hope if I ever get to the point where W wants the "talk" I will have enough strength to keep my head on straight. We haven't talked but a few minutes total in the 1 month+ and I'm afraid I would jump right back in the MR if given the chance. I don't want to do that. I want to GAL and make myself a better person than I've been before even thinking of going be to my MR.