Headed for D - Trying to move on

[J5K]

So I have phone records now of WW's cell phone. So many text messages from all these numbers I don't even know. I don't have the text messages. Part of me wants to know but all that will do is make me upset and have more anger for her behavior. 5 young boys I don't even know how I will ever get over this person I don't know anymore. I am the type of person that wants to take care of people, but I don't want to be treated like dirt.

[J5K]

Journaling

The exchange this afternoon did not go well. Came home 10 minutes early. WW decides that she is not cooking dinner for boys since it is my night with them.

I made dinner for the boys, pizza, nothing great since I did not have any notice of this coming.

Only thing she did all day at the house was wash S4's bed sheets because he wet the bed last night. She did not even make the bed after the sheets were dry. Instead she was on the computer looking for basketball tickets for the Raptors game this weekend, I am sure to go with OM. She plans on taking boys to Toronto again for Mother's Day.

I also find out from boys that WW gets upset that I don't prepare lunches on my nights or in the morning. Well she gets here at 7 am and boys don't leave until 8:50 am on the bus.

Needless to say, nothing else was done around the house today. No laundry for the boys, there was a load ready to be folded and ironed.

S4 told me that he and S2 went shopping with WW and she bought a coffee.

I wanted her out of the house so quickly today. She definitely pushed my buttons and we exchanged words. She got the satisfaction of my bitterness today to justify her leaving the M.
Need to learn to control these sitches better.


So the rest of the evening I just focused on my kids and had a decent night.

[Painter]

I think most of the conversations you had were good. No need to talk about OM and say things that aren't true. I'm glad to see you enforced your boundary of which topics to discuss and how you will (will not) be treated by her. Keep it up!

Have you been in touch with your sons' teachers? Any plan to provide IC for your boys? Sounds like S6 could use someone to talk with.

Agree and have the same questions.

[Nate14]

JimKao I feel for you Man! I hope you come out of this mess soon. I know you will come out a stronger person thats for sure. Don't have alot of advice as I'm new to the site. I'm listening though and pulling for you!

[J5K]

Yes, both WW and I have been in contact with teachers. They understand our situation. Pysch evaluation is in process now for custody. Not sure how much benefit IC will have at this point. She has S6, S6, S7 conditioned to want to live with her.

I do want to take the boys to IC but not sure when to start.

[Ralph88]

I'm serious confused with your story and I have read through it. If your in the US, and she leaves to go to Canada, why not just file for full custody due to abondomint? Being in a different country shouldn't be a sign of an available parent and wanting to remove them from the US sounds like bs.

[J5K]

Ralph

I did counterfile for physical custody.

I think she feels she has a case against me. She feels she does not have to work and can be a SAHM.

This is her story, WW is saying this will happen. I am concerned she has some serious mental issues that need to be addressed. Yes, I was an emotional person in the past, but I still worry that this is even a possibility. I am not sure how her L is advising her to say it's ok to move the boys 4 hours away from their father.

[J5K]

Spoke with L today to review what psychologist may ask me at next week's appointment. Not very excited about doing this interview. I need to convince this person that I am at least equal or better than W to raise the boys? I guess I need to be a little selfish about this.

Later in afternoon WW calls me saying S2 is sick and is taking him to hospital. Tells me she took him to doctor yesterday because he had a stye in his eye (she is supposed to notify me of these things). Starts to spew that she has to take all 5 boys with her. Told her I was on my way and she kept saying no need for me to go, she will just have to take them all again (Rewriting history again because I always took the boys when she was freaking out about them being sick). Then she started to spew more about not finding S2's Medicaid card which I gave to her months ago. She started to blame me again for losing the card and I just hung up.

By the time I got close to hospital WW texts and says she left and is home. I asked if I could come by to see S2 and she did not answer. I went anyway and she just met me at front door and gave me update on what happened. WW thought S2 could possibly have meningitis, doctor told her that S2 has swollen lymph nodes that is why he couldn't move his neck after nap.

Then she tries to blame me for S2 being sick. Started to infer that he started to get sick when I had him for my overnights earlier in the week. Well she has been with him everyday, did she not notice? So I walked away from the front door and got back in my car and told her to have a good night.

I am getting so tired of taking all the blame. Any suggestions on how to handle this better would be appreciated.

[Painter]

Just consider the ridiculousness of it - how did you give S2 an infection? Is she suggesting that you did it on purpose? Or that you somehow neglected to sanitize his environment and keep him in a sterile bubble?

I think you handled it perfectly. You expressed concern for your child, went to see him (make sure you document that you were refused access!), and didn't let yourself get dragged into an argument.

If she tries to slam you with the psychologist that you are at fault because a 2 year old happened to get sick on your time - and it was not an injury caused by you letting him play with scissors or matches while watching a ballgame and drinking beer - you have nothing to fear. They see right through that. They do not like parents who try to focus on how neglectful or bad the other parent is. They realize that up until recently, this was a person you felt comfortable with having your children, so why is he/she suddenly unfit?

In your situation, I would focus on your concern about her moving, that the children should have access to their mother, but that her choice to want to move out of the country with them, is too much - uprooting them, taking them away from you and everything they know, etc.

Did you find out if your FIL actually had an MRI the other day?

[J5K]

In your situation, I would focus on your concern about her moving, that the children should have access to their mother, but that her choice to want to move out of the country with them, is too much - uprooting them, taking them away from you and everything they know, etc.

Did you find out if your FIL actually had an MRI the other day?

My L stated the same thing, focus on WW request to uproot the boys.

I have not been able to confirm whether FIL actually had an MRI. I sent a text to WW's BIL but he did not respond. I will try and call SIL to see if she will say something.