The problem is I will not have any financial support from family. We will be spending thousands of dollars on Ls. I will not be able to afford a big enough house to keep the boys. For some reason, I think her mother will give her money to get a townhouse for them to live in Toronto. I cannot spend all that money, she will not budge on physical custody. She wants it. It will be difficult for me to raise 5 boys so young. I get when they are older if they want to come live with me that is fine, but now that they are young they should be raised by mom. I get both points of view just need to decide which route to take. It's not that I don't love the boys, I love them with all my heart. I am sure they will understand at some point in time when they are older why I let them go. I don't want to take the gift I promised to support her with just to be spiteful even though I agree with most that she should work.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
I know I am. I guess I need to run some financials instead. At first I was looking at it from the perspective that I would pay child support so she can live a life up there while I work as a paycheck. If boys stay with me they grow up with a nanny and a part time mom. I just need to decide what I want. Yes she left me and whatever neurotic reason she had for not coming back to raise her kids is her issue. As long as her mother enables this behavior she will always think like that.
I don't want to be near a toxic person like that, but I do need to share the responsibility of raising these 5 boys and I don't see any harm in allowing her to raise her kids there. Is it right that she is dating, no, but with a D, there will always be two sides to every story and why the M broke down.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
You seem to be driven my financial concerns. How about you offer her to take the kids with the divorce if you don't have to pay anything for alimony or child support? Your money problems are done.
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
She will be paying you child support if you have the kids. What will you be doing to those boys..left by their mother and then by their father? Take a breath and know you have this! they do not need a big house...they do not need fancy things. They need unconditional unwavering love from you. Mom already proved she was not that for them. So you move to an apt? so what? You show those boys they are worth the effort to stay together. Fight.. stop giving her credit for anything. She left.not because she feared for her safety or anything valid...she left them so she can see other men ...those are her priorities...yours are your boys....so think..who are they better off with?
If you have trouble doing laundry, why did you adopt 5 boys?!?
Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
If we continue to go through L's we will not have any money left and the entire family loses out. I cannot control whether she works or not. Even if I ended up with custody of them I would end up living in a 2 bedroom place with my boys. I cannot afford to put them in that situation.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
Maybe Split custody is an option now all things considered. It it possible to work with her to come to some agreement without going to court and incurring the tremendous cost of Psych evals and L fees?
Me37 W33 T:8 M:5 D3 BD 11/2015 EA+PA w boss 12/2015 S 3/2016
Im stronger because I had to be Im smarter because of my mistakes happier because of the sadness Ive known and now wiser because I learned
Because she feels entitled to be a SAHM she will never work. I will just have my visits with the boys and accept it.
I will take my half of the assets and have to move in with family until I can afford to buy a home at some point in the future.
I need to get this behind me because I am having a hard time focusing on work.
She has lied to my children and she lies to me. I do not want to know her anymore and I can't control what she says to my boys. I just hope that one day they will realize I let them go because I love them. I also hope they realize that forgiveness is important. I don't know how she can't forgive but that is something she will have to live with the rest of her life.
I cannot be with a narcissistic person. It is toxic. I hope that someday I will find someone that will appreciate me for who I am.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
I wish there was a way. There is not unless I move to Toronto. As I said in the past, I was when we were moving as a family. Now she just wants what she wants is to raise the boys and her half of the assets.
I cannot in good conscious put a 2 year old in a car to take a 9 hour round trip every other weekend so I will just have to go see my boys or have her drop them off in Michigan once a month and take them on occasional long weekends and holidays.
It is too risky to spend 40 to 50K for this D. It will wipe us out.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
