strange times

[stacey9]

Hello

I have not been on here for a while and I'm so sorry I didn't respond to you lovely people who offered kind words and great advice. There have been some major life-changing events going on with my family which I can't go into just now. My last thread has disappeared.

Raliced - nothing settled yet between H and me, unbelievable after more than 2 years.

Sunny - thanks for the welcome and glad to see you moving on.

kml - thanks for the sound advice, I so appreciate it and was great to hear your perspective on things.

But something strange has happened and I'm not sure what to think. You may remember in my previous posts that I often mention how I am still so attracted to H and long to reach out and touch him. I hadn't seen him since Christmas and he came round last week to talk to me about the settlement. Except instead of being full of anger and impatience to get it all sorted he said he is not in so much of a hurry now. He is still living with OW. He chatted for ages, was in no hurry to leave in fact it was me who told him I had to go as I was meeting friends. Before he left he pulled me into an embrace. It was totally unexpected. He then left the room and came back in pulled me close to him again and we kissed. It just felt wonderful.

Afterwards I felt dizzy. I'm pretty sure he felt something too, but is he just testing the waters? Is this his way of saying sorry for what's happened? I have no idea. I said I wasn't expecting that and it caught me off-guard and he said me too.


It's all I can think about. When he was close to me all I could think of was how much I still love him. I feel very foolish as I was doing so well and can finally see a happy future for myself without him.

He has never shown me any emotion or tenderness since he left. Not once.

I didn't get a chance to ask why he's not in a hurry to get this all finalized.

What do you think I should do next?

[SunnyB]

Stacey, I don't think you should do anything different at all. He might be testing the waters, or saying sorry, in which case, nothing's changed. Stay your ground, he still lives with OW, one kiss doesn't change that.

There's always a possibility he's ready to do something different, but that only reaffirms that what you were doing is working. It's too early to change anything yet.

[Maybell]

All things considered, do you want him back at this point? Might he just be making sure he's still got you on the hook?

[Sotto]

Hi Stacey, I would agree with Sunny. I don't think all feelings for us just go away in all cases and he maybe had a moment of weakness. I would see it as that and keep moving solidly forward yourself. You may want to think about your own boundaries here too, as I imagine you don't want to become OW to OW.

Given all circumstances, if he is keen to do something further here, the ball is in his court. And I suggest (if he does raise anything) you would let him know that if he wants to talk to you about possible R, he would need to resolve his entanglement with OW first. It's one thing getting a little swept away by an unexpected moment. It's another to come back and do it again.

My worry for you is that your H wasn't acting from an emotionally mature place when he became involved with OW - and kissing you while he's living with someone else, doesn't sound like an emotionally mature thing to do either - hence my mention of boundaries above. I think that's really important.

Good luck and certainly don't put your own life or plans on hold here. If he wants back in, he'll let you know for sure - in which case you can lay out your non-negotiables.

Best of luck xx

[stacey9]

Thanks for the input everyone.

Sunny - I think you're right, I shouldn't act any differently, and I won't, it just caught me so by surprise I'm still spinning.

Maybell - If he did want to R, yes I think I would consider it. My friends and family would recoil in horror, and I don't know how the kids would react as they witnessed my complete devastation when he left.

Sotto - I don't want to be OW to OW, but I have to admit a part of me is pleased it happened as now he's kind of cheated on her with me. I know it's mean and two wrongs don't make a right, but she got involved with him knowing his wife and kids needed him.

I have seen him since it happened as he offered to do a job in the house for me which he noticed was needing done. He was very kind and pleasant, a tiny bit flirty, but there was no hugs or kisses this time.

If I'm honest I don't think he would ever consider coming back. I think he's happy and content with OW and his new life in his beautiful apartment in fairy land. The embrace and kiss may just have been some sort of goodbye, a bittersweet ending. And although I still love him and think about him far too much than I should, I still think its a nice memory to have.

xx