Hope everyone had a good Valentine Day. I am just journaling.
So I took my S8 skiing over the weekend. He and I had a wonderful time in the snow. S8 called and FaceTimed his mommy each day while away but I did not join the conversation or called WW.
Got back from ski trip late Saturday night. The next day I had kids give their prepared Valentine Day card to their mommy (I got her nothing and she did nothing for me either). Spent the day doing chores and time with S10. That night we went out to dinner as a family (nothing special).
I can honestly feel myself detaching and GAL but I am take steps in the right direction for me and my kids.
Last 3 days WW is more friendly/nice towards me. Why? Because her childhood friend is visiting for a week and I know she simply wants to drive the car instead of the van (funny.. just last week she was giving me $h!t about not letting her drive it to/from work.. this morning she asked if I was leaving it for her to drive).
I decided earlier on that I would let her use the car for the week only because it is something I would like to use if my friend was visiting (rather than driving the van). Honestly, makes me feel good (do something nice for someone)..
I know her attitude towards me is only temporary and I will continue to detach.
Yesterday, WW and her friend (who is visiting) went shopping. On her way back from shopping she called me re: dinner suggestion (a restaurant for us to meet up). I replied, they should go have dinner and that I would taxi the kids to their activities and finish off the leftovers.
When WW came home she handed me my favorite donuts (they went out of their way to get) and bagels (blueberry my favorite) for breakfast and she bought me a shirt.. I did not ask for anything. My attitude now is.. it's a nice gesture but a gesture she would do for anyone.
All last week WW out with her good friend (who was visiting from out-of-town). Dining and shopping spree.
Both of my kids said they only saw their mom and "auntie" (WW friend) for a few hours last week. I did all the parenting chores/task myself. What I learned, I would be okay if I was a single dad. I don't need my WW.
Seeing all the material stuff she brought home I realize that I do not want to support my WW anymore; be her door matt. That she needs to step up and cover 1/2 of living expenses (or at least more than she currently helps cover). That I can handle (and survive) the idea of S or D if she wants too. I have a life and I would like to enjoy some of my hard earn wage; why am I still thinking that I need to bank it for future (because I have no idea what my future holds.. I need to live in the current moment). How do I bring this up to WW so she positively accept terms (telling her that she needs to cover more of living expenses/bills)?
I watch TED talks. And there a few presentations by Esther Perel.
The presentation on Rethinking Infidelity hit the nail on the head for me. It was exactly what happened to me from the abortion to being cut 1,000 times.
The presentation on secret to long-term relationship.. for those LBH like me this just reinforces DB and strengths Sandi's messages on wayward wifes.. and what women are attracted too.
M 43 W 45 M 10.5 T 15 S 26 D 17 (previous relationships) ILYB 12/25/15 + asks for D Confirm affair 1/10/16 W has D ready to sign, but agrees to wait for refinancing to go through (I get a house!)
WW said to me "when are we going to talk"? I know she is implying on next steps. I know she is not happy in M. The only option that is different than current situation is S or D. I feel she does not want to work on M.. to her it's over and feels nothing for me.
My response was simple, "whenever you are ready. We can talk". And I walked away and left for work (because I was on my way out the door).
My S8 knows something is not right. He asked me twice this weekend if I still liked mommy; I replied I do. Then he asked me if mommy still liked me; I changed the subject each time.. he would then follow up with why does mommy not like you.. breaks my heart to hear my S8 ask these questions. I know he came to this conclusion because I chose not to go over to a family friends for dinner (I was under the impression the OM was going to be there and I didn't want to deal with that).
Last night, WW makes 2 sarcastic comments about me and "my girlfriend". I did not respond just kept on the primary topic and ignored her comments of "my girlfriend" (I don't have a girlfriend). I know I letting go.. but this is HARD WORK!!
