11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Originally Posted By: Painter You probably just want things to go back to the way they were and forget about this unfortunate incident, but how do you know it won't happen again? NYGAL: THAT'S A KEY QUESTION. I WILL CROSS THAT BRIDGE WHEN I GET TO IT. I KNOW I'M NOT THERE YET.
If you were to consider getting back with her at some point, I would want to know why she thinks she did it. Was it boredom? IN PART, I'M SURE. Was there something she was really missing in the R with you? WELL I COULDN'T BOOST HER EGO AS EFFECTIVELY AS SOMEONE NEW CAN. What made her feel that this was the right thing to do? THAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION AND SHE HAS SAID (BELIEVE NOTHING OF COURSE) THAT SHE WANTS TO UNDERSTAND HOW SHE COULD HAVE DONE THIS TO ME/US. SHE HAS DONE IT IN THE PAST AND SHE COULD CERTAINLY DO IT AGAIN.
And I would be very worried about being dependent on her in any way again. SHE HAS SAID (BELIEVE NOTHING...) THAT SHE WANTS TO GET MARRIED TO HER PARTNER AT SOME POINT. OR SHOULD I SAY THAT SHE WANTS TO WANT TO GET MARRIED? I WOULD HAVE SOME VERY SERIOUS CONVERSATIONS ABOUT THIS BEFORE I FULLY COMMIT TO HER AGAIN. I KNOW SHE WOULD INSIST ON A PRENUP, BUT I WANT THAT LICENSE. AT THE VERY LEAST IT MAKES RELATIONSHIPS A LOT LESS TRANSIENT. AT LEAST IN MOST U.S. STATES.
And we worked so hard to have the right to be married and divorced!
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I'm bringing this over from my old thread. It's from Wonka and I think I need to keep it close by.
NYG,
Come on! Still being too available here.
Seriously.
Let's get working on this latest convo using the DB way.
Thanked me for latte. Said I looked very nice. Said "I know I'm crazy so I'm sorry you're involved with a crazy woman."
Still temp checking. Don't you see it??!
I would have said: "I can see why you think this way. It must be hard for you."
Let W figure this out by herself.
Then she said: "I want you to know I'm doing some serious thinking. I miss our life together."
I would have said: "It looks like you're struggling. I hope you can find peace soon."
I would have said absolutely nothing about "me too" or fall into the pit of missing her blah blah blah. Remember, you're the STRONG one here. Not her.
Then I would have cut it short saying, "I cannot talk for long. I need to go and get back to work."
See? That will show her THAT you have no time for this chit as long as W is still involved with OW.
You really, really need to be scarce. I still see your actions as being too available and too desperate to accept her sloppy seconds.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I blocked W on my phone. So I won't know why she texted me last night saying: "Remember when u texted me that this was all just so wrong?" An hour and a half later I texted back, "Yes." Then nothing for the next 5 hours. So I blocked her. It's disturbing to hear this stuff, now that I'm angry.
Then this morning I found an email from her that she wrote last night 30 min after she sent the text. It said, "Do you know I'm a mess?" I didn't respond.
I don't know what kind of mental breakdown she's going through, but my therapist reminds me it's not my job to fix it. I feel for her, I really do. But as long as she chooses ow over me, I'm not interested in riding this crazy train. I got off at the last stop. For now at least.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
That last paragraph of yours is the road to (loving) detachment. Feel pity for her. She deserves it, at the very least, for the mess she is making of herself and her life.
M: 8.5 T:10 Me:37 W:34 S:6
Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15 Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
I do feel pity. I've never stopped loving her with everything I've got. I wish I could take away her pain. But I realize I have to start loving and respecting myself a little bit more. She remains with her ow and I sleep alone with only panic and anxiety and a very active imagination that pictures them together in my bed. The fact that she won't end that, after all she has said about loving and missing me, leaves me with a horrible feeling of inadequacy and shame. And WTF confusion.
I prefer righteous anger, which is where I am right now. She's making a mess out of a lot of lives. And it's not OK.
And on that note, yes, I feel very very sorry for her and I do hope she figures this out.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
NYGal...you are making amazing progress! It took me a long time to get to the point I could feel pity for H and realize his mess was not mine to fix. You are a quick learner!
she texted me last night saying: "Remember when u texted me that this was all just so wrong?" An hour and a half later I texted back, "Yes." Then nothing for the next 5 hours. So I blocked her.
I dont like this tit for tat game.
It's fine to block her, but I would recommend doing things on your own terms. It feels like you expected her to reply (and Im not sure what she would reply back) and when she didnt, you got hurt or angry or sad or whatever and locked her.
My point is that I dont advise "re"-acting. Make your choices based on logic and reason, not based on emotion.
Maybe Im misreading your post, but it seems like you did this out of hurt feelings.
No, actually I did it because I had an appointment with my IC last night and I started to feel anger and the need to detach. When I got out of the appointment and saw that I had a message from her, I just felt the angst in the pit of my stomach. It's true that I did text back and waited several hours. But when there was nothing I realized I didn't want to hear what she had to say about the statement. I feel like she's got me on the hook and I want to be released.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
NYGal...you are making amazing progress! It took me a long time to get to the point I could feel pity for H and realize his mess was not mine to fix. You are a quick learner!
Don't believe it Anna. That's how I feel right now, but it could change. My feelings are all over the map.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
