At least you know that you really did everything you could do. You were willing to forgive and change and you really did try.
I think in your case and in cases with serial infidelity it's really up to wayward spouse to be capable of changing and right now he is not. It probably does not have much to do with you. It probably is more about him.
Best thing you can do is be happy. I am sorry that he could not change.
Another day in sunny UK, did I write sunny? Oops my mistake :-)!
For no particular reason woke up happy. The kids and I are healthy. We have a roof over our head. Sale of the house seems back on the agenda after a little scare last week.
I have notice that STBXH has deleted all his photos of our family on FB, that there is no longer a mention of him being married to me and that OW is back as his friend.
I'm coming to term with my situation. I'm coming to term that OW will be part if my kids' life. Nothing I can do about it, not under my control, so I'm going to let it slide. Deep down I know I'm not such a bad person, that I never deserved to be treated this way by STBXH, and I have faith that something good will come out of it.
I can't force him to love me if he doesn't. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw what I needed/ still need to change to become a better me. I understand why he went with OW as I was depressed, stressed, negative and a big nag. Didn't really put him first since birth of our kids. I was looking for him to make me happy, to take away all my issues.
Now I understand that only me could/ should have done it. It has cost me my marriage, but unfortunately I couldn't carry on like that. A big slap on my face for sure, but what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. A year ago I thought my life was over, it ain't I'm on my path to grab it fully.
Will always look back at my first half of my life and see how negative, unattractive I was and I don't want this anymore. I'm dealing with my skeletons in my closet, my STBXH is unfortunately nowhere near to deal with his from his childhood. I can see him going from relationships to relationship to find his happiness. I have no regrets to have met him, to have done a bit of my journey in his company. I'm happy that I tried everything to save my M, that I have stuck to my values and still does.
I'm hoping to still be his lighthouse only as a friend. I will always have feelings for him. If for him to be happy is not being with me I have to accept that and let go. Not easy to a certain point, although everyone deserves to be happy.
We all are on a tuff journey, wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, so I have to get on with it and see what God has in place for me.
I'm sorry about Hs FB. Even though you are trying not to let it get to you, i know it hurts.
You are amazing and your H is losing out on the best thing he ever had.
I once told XF aka the Douch, that he is spitting in God's face by throwing away the only "good and real" in his life that God was gracious enough to bless him with for temporary feelings of fun and new again. (because ow was his ex)
And I believe that is true in your M as well.
Stay strong and keep being the fabulous and amazing woman you've grown into.
I admire you Ms. Moulin Rougue.
Rain (moi): 40 Ex Fiance: 39 3 kids On/off again EA & PA Last BD by ow 12/15 Moved kids and myself back into our own place: 12/15
I could've written your post about my situation. I definitely put my kids ahead of my marriage, too. We all make mistakes. While I regret my mistakes (like you do), we really weren't given a fighting chance to fix them by our WAH. You should hold your head up high knowing that you did everything you could to save your marriage and your family.
I still have hope but my H has filed for D, purchased a home and still in affair fog. So, I hope you keep posting about your journey. I think I am going to be following in your footsteps right behind you.
((Rourky)) Your post is filled with strength - thinking of you
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
Thank you everyone for your kind words. I guess I'm about the enter the acceptance room :-)! I still have days were I'm hurt, although overall they are getting further apart.
Wow Rouky you never fail to inspire me. Would you hold my hand and walk me into the acceptance room? I am looking at the door to it and am ready to walk in. Maybe I will get a running start and just kick it down. I hope that you can tell how all of us here admire you and look up to you for strength and courage. I do hope that you come to realize that your husband's affair had very little to do with anything that you did wrong and was about his own confusion and lack of moral character.
I so loved hearing what you wrote on my thread and want to again thank you in front of all of these people and tell you how much you mean to me. I know that your children see you as a source of strength and will know how to face challenges in life from having learned at your knee. I know that I must do the same and exhibit the same to my son. I have done a pretty poor job of it so far but I do forgive myself. Have a great week at work and think about how much everyone loves you and how much better your life is going to be going forward. Bonsoir Rouky!
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Not sure if it's going to help newcomers, so take it as you want it. Today my mind started to wonder about STBXH and all this not so nice situation, so I decided to take a piece of paper and write down for headlines: family, values, work and finances!
Had a lot of fun doing it! Then I looked back and it make me realised that actually I might have contributed to the failure of my M, although when I looked through that list it made me realised that out of the 2 I'm the stable one! I can't tell you how much it boosted my confidence!
Had a thought about karma. My FIL beat up my MIL, cheated on her on several occasions, and karma finally got back to him. My FIL will always live with the knowledge that he is responsible for my MIL's death, that he has lost his relationship with his son and that his partner is seriously a control freak and not very nice. I don't think he is happy. I would never wish anything like that on anyone.
Why all that? My FIL hasn't changed one bit and I don't want my life to turn out like his. I'm making my changes, and I'm proud of it!
Bonjour Bouky. I am thinking about you today. I hope that your week is going well and that you are smiling. I am here reading more of your thoughts to find inspiration. I always get a boost from you. I chuckled at your joke about the sunshine there. It has been pretty nice here but I am really looking forward to spring. I am also thinking about that door to acceptance that you spoke of. It is so strange that in spite of all the hurt I still fear walking through it. I know there is peace on the other side but am struggling with letting go of the past. Is there a timeline for your divorce? There really isn't one in my case as there is a ton of financial information to locate and place values on. It is all just so hideous. I am thankful to have you to lean on and I pray that we all find some peace today. Chat with you later Rouky.
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Thank Shotgun for checking on me. I'm not blissfully happy yet but I'm on the way. Interaction with STBXH is to a minimum and I'm fine with it. Won't lie by saying that I don't think about him but at least it's not 24/7. No timeline for my D as he said he would file when the house is sold. I'm looking into moving to new house in the summer, later than I wanted. Looking back what are few more months of waiting when I have a whole new life ahead of me!
So i know that this summer I'll get the papers, and to be honest I'm fine with it. I survived a year of hell ( to me it was, whereas for other it's just a break up!), and I have proven to myself that I don't need him to carry on living!
Got into an interesting chat with a colleague, I'm not glad that I got cheated on, although I realised that I needed an electroshock to make me reevaluate my life and to do a 180 with my previous life. It's not easy everyday as I can see the old me trying to creep back in and I'm doing my best to keep her at bay.
