Hello everyone, it has been a while and definitely a very very busy few months, just to recap I completed my first marathon in dec, and just completed my schooling to ensure my promotion. So things are looking up. This past month I was contacted by Ww and she broke down and told me she wanted to come home. It has been a year for those that have followed my sitch. She said all the things I think everyone on this thread wants to hear, she loves me, made the worst mistake of her life, wished she would have never let OM get close, all those things. But what was most unexpected was how she profusely apologized for how she hurt and treated me! I told her that I forgave her for the affair and that I never expected an apology, but I really did appreciate the intent! She then expressed to me how much respect she gained for me, for how I handled the entire sitch. She said, the way I handled the entire thing showed her what a real man is like. She then said she feels isolated and that OM is now verging on stalker level. I just listened without offering any I told you so's.
I gave what she said a lot of thought and decided I was willing to give us one more try. I mean isn't that what I strove for from the beginning. I wanted to better myself be happy with me and hopefully fix us. After telling her I was willing to try again I explained to her that I was doing this not because I needed her but I have chosen to try again. So as of today she is packing her things and gave her two weeks notice and moving out here. We will not start off in the same room but we will cohabitate in the same house. I feel allows us to be close but not too fast. I will keep everyone informed on the next few steps. Any advice is greatly welcomed.
That is awesome! I'm glad that W finally woke up. I hope everything works out really well for you guys. Please keep us updated, there aren't enough success stories on here.
I'm not at that point, and may never get there as my H is happy with NC at all, but I think that IC and marriage counseling should be a mandatory requirement of yours. She needs to fully understand why she allowed this to happen so that it doesn't happen again (IC). And, you two need to make sure you work through the problems in your marriage that allowed her to be in a place where she wanted to leave (MC). I would also make sure to go SLOW and don't jump right back in. If you appear too eager, she could turn and run again.
I was just wondering if you would share a bit about how the last year went. I mean, did you guys still talk or see each other at all? And, if so, how often did you communicate? I've been mostly NC with my H for the past month. And, before that I have had very little contact since the beginning of October. We go for weeks without texting, seeing each other, or calling and he never initiates communication with me. It's getting harder and harder every day to hold on to any hope at all. Still trying not to give up on him though. Would love to hear any advice you can offer.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
Rysin I am glad to read this my friend - wow! Sounds like you have some exciting (and also probably challenging) times ahead of you.
Now then, people say piecing is tough - particularly where infidelity has been a factor. Can I ask what the plan is for you guys to work through what has happened, heal from past events and hopefully build a stronger M going forwards?
Pleased for you
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
So happy to read this!! And have the same questions as the others.
M 43 W 45 M 10.5 T 15 S 26 D 17 (previous relationships) ILYB 12/25/15 + asks for D Confirm affair 1/10/16 W has D ready to sign, but agrees to wait for refinancing to go through (I get a house!)
Rysin, I remember watching you way back then. So glad to hear the turn around. Go so very slowly and remember the little birdie analogy. You do not want to scare her away. Not sharing the same room is a great example of taking it slow. 6 months was a long enough time for Mrs. Squiggy and I to feel a bit awkward sharing a bed. I can't imagine after a year.
MB is correct in that you need to have clearly defined conditions for her to return. Think about what your reasonable non-negotiables are and stick to them.
Quote:
Stages of Remorse:
I do think your wife is in one of the early stages of remorse, but there are several stages. They'll go from "I'm sorry I got caught," to "I'm sorry for ME that I've messed myself up so much," to "I'm sorry for YOU that I hurt you (but I still don't see anything wrong with what I did)," to finally a more self-aware "I'm sorry for what I did because IT WAS THE WRONG THING TO DO, on so many levels. For me, for the pain I caused my husband, for the breaking of my vows, etc."
I remember this from Starsky. Seems your wife is moving forward through them!
M: 8.5 T:10 Me:37 W:34 S:6
Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15 Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
On another thread sandi strongly suggested that when she is back you share the same bed. No need for intimacy just being in the same room will breed more trust.
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
