Hello Everyone, It took me a day to digest the session yesterday and more time to digest the aftermath today. Basically, he was completely belligerent and hostile not only to me, but also to the female mediator. Making all sorts of since comments about money and just nasty--just like his crazy pants mother--nasty. The long and short of it was that i agreed to mediate for the time being, and to schedule another session in two weeks if he agreed to go with me to our marriage counselor to help me understand why he was seeking divorce. I am just glad that she managed to get him to concede to doing something that I asked. He kicked and screamed and condescended and was as combative as he could be, but he did agree to it. I tried to stay calm and imagine a line of all my friends here on DB standing behind me. I just tried to stay calm and composed---it was hard seeing him though. I started to feel a little more relaxed last night because I could tell that the person I was looking at was not my loving husband but some zombie freak version of him. As to be expected he was acting like he was high on pills and pot and slumped over in his chair. Today, in planning the meeting with the counselor--he flipped again. He has been cheery and generous over email today--offering to pay off the credit card and keep me on the insurance. even was cracking jokes and saying See you Monday! I guess this is all just more evidence of his personality disorder but man is it confusing. I guess I should expect that the next time I see him he will be terrible again. He seems to flip every time--from goddawful rotten to decent and almost loving. A real mind f***. Gmum---how did yours go?
Well, our meeting was just an introduction. It was a little tense. The mediator explained the process, we talked about how we'd have to be able to communicate in order for it to work. Now, in front of other people my H is eloquent, thoughtful etc. But after we left things changed a bit. I was eager to get away, and he insisted we talk. We agreed that I get physical custody, we will probably share legal with me as the tiebreaker, but when he asked me when he can travel with our D, things went south. I said when she's 10, which of course didn't sit well with him. I said 8, same thing. I explained to him that she is currently too young to be an ocean away from me, but eventually yes of course he can travel. It's just hard to put an age on it.
I also mentioned me maybe getting a small bonus from his future earnings, then he got upset and said he could quit his job, then there will be no money. He was upset that he will have to buy plane tickets to see his D, but I told him that was his choice. He is the one forcing me to leave. Again, he disagreed. I ended up emailing him a bit later, saying "ok, let's try again". Later that night we texted back and forth about some other things. He invited me to eat breakfast with him and our D. This morning when he came to pick her up, he asked if we could talk about the company we've talked about starting together when he brought our D back. Of course. He comes back, he is in a hurry, is annoyed that I'm asking him to take some stuff with him or let me know if I can throw it out. Also annoyed I held him to his promise to throw out some heavy stuff for me before my upcoming move. Finally brings up the company in passing (he had asked for 30 min to talk about it) but things go south as he says we can't communicate as long as I blame him solely for me and D being forced to move overseas. I refuse to recant and he leaves. A bit later I email him: lets just do this. I'm super excited about the company. I think it could be really good" Hours later he emails me back: Sorry. I am scared too. I hate that we can't communicate. Let's talk company but also about everything else. I'm game if you are.
That sounds encouraging! I can't wait for the vets to weigh in, Gmum!
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
It might be a sweet cycle. I just keep "defending" it because he has know clue he's kinda being an a$$. If he knew, I would have called a L a long time ago. In fact, I believe I said that to him. I guess that's not really DB'ing.
Hi, Just checking in to see how you are doing. I am going to counseling tomorrow with H--I asked that he explain to me why he wants the D. I am a bit nervous for it. After mostly NC and going dark--in december--he is now finally realizing that i blocked his number, etc. Today we spoke on the phone and he was nice and man, that throws me for a loop. Everyone in my family and my friends are so against any type of reconciliation. What will be will be I guess. I rationally recognize that I am better off with out him but I can't get my heart to feel the same way.
Let me know how you are doing-when is your next mediation appt?
