Hi DB Community, I have been hanging around on these boards since the end of October when SH BDed me. Tomorrow is the first mediation appointment. I understand that it is mostly informational but I am really dreading it--just seeing him and having to confront this and start accepting that it is over. Some days it is easier than others--I just feel like my heart is in my throat today and I feel more desperate than ever. At this point, none of my family or friends in any way support reconciliation. But I love him and I don't want a divorce despite the fact that I rationally know that I have no other options. It still seems like it is just coming out of the blue.
I thought that we were doing a great job patching things up with summer. It was an awful year for us, but I thought we were both coming to terms with it and moving on together.
He BD'ed me on the day that he was fired. He is a def MLC with acute depression. He has been unemployed for almost 18 months. In many ways, my life has begun to get calmer since I moved out-(that;s right, he B'Ded me and I was the one who had to move out.)
Just looking for some words of wisdom for tomorrow. This is the prior thread if you are interested in the details of the situation--
Hi Ladybir, I'm sorry to hear how you're feeling about tomorrow. If you can, I would tell yourself that the time for grieving will not be at this meeting. It will be before or it will be after.
At the meeting, at which you will be looking lovely and smelling subtly divine - I hope you will manage composed, graceful, compassionate and firm if needed. This is a business meeting, and purely deals with the practical aspects of your divorce.
Getting divorced emotionally is another matter and may happen on a different timescale. It is up to you whether you choose to stand for your marriage, but people on the forum always say - it is never over until or unless you have decided so..
Take care, and I hope the meeting goes as well as it can do xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hi ladybir, I'm not caught up with your situation but I just wanted to offer my support. I am sure what you are experiencing is really difficult. I hope your meeting goes smoothly and that you can take pride in your strength as a woman.
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
I'm in the same situation. Tomorrow is our first day of mediation. It's just for half an hour, but my ex seems to think we can knock out a deal in no time. He's keeps on reminding me how expensive she is. I have no advice, I don't know what to expect. Just try to write down as many questions as possible, I guess. And bring a pen and paper.
thank you everyone for your words of support. Gmun--I am sending you good vibes and hope that we both make it through with flying colors. lets check back in after?
Thanks Zues. I needed to hear that. My ex is in such a desperate state, he wants it done yesterday. He bullies me without knowing it. But it's working. I'm scared.
I'm so glad you made it back to us and reached out for some support. You sound a lot more anchored in your sense of self. And reaping the rewards of NC. Seems you have what I like to call gumption. Tomorrow you just take everything you have been doing and maximise it.
Tomorrow is about faking it till you make it. My trick is when I am in rooms with hostile families is to pretend that on the inside I am tall solid tree. my based is large and round, so much do no human could warp their arms around me, my roots go deep down into the earth, they are strong that nothing can move this tree that I am, except of course for my long branches which stretch out to the freedom of the sky, where the gentle breeze lightly plays in my leaves.
Once you know that you are strong on the inside, a create of being my soft on the outside, think marshmellow, thing candy floss. Think balloons and kittens. This thought gives the impression of being open and non-threatening, but underneath you are strong, but flexiable. If you can hold these two experiences Ladybrd and you pull on everything to get through this NC phase. You will be sweet!
We are all hear cheering you on.
Lots of love. I will be thinking about you if I am not asleep.
