Hi V. So what do you mean by FOO led? I am very interested in FOO issues.
For yourself? Or to diagnose WAH?
Kind of both Zues. I am watching my 14 year old turn into my MIL before my eyes and want to stop this. H's FOO issues are intertwined with his relationship with our d, which is very intense and affecting my 12 year old son because he is her target a lot of the time. It's all inter-related and I want the "alliances" and the codependency to stop.
I am learning very quickly about this trauma I am experiencing.
Firstly my childhood wasn't abusive, just slightly extraordinary. I was a very gifted child and pushed up a year at school. Having a May birthday some of the girls were nearly two years older. I also wore glasses and had acne. Not only that but I was so skinny. Really attractive huh! I was always referred to as the bright one, that was my role. Nickname at school was brain box and at university bounce (personality).
I don't remember it but I am told at age 8 I had jaundice, chicken pox and two broken limbs all at the same time, I was hospitalised, diagnosed with a nasty chest infection, I ended up with four months of convalescent isolation by the seaside. I don't remember any of it. My mind is completely blank about the illness. I never seemed to be hungry after that and my parents were told to make me eat (oh how things have changed). There were many tussels over it and I was quite clever with a plastic bag in my pocket and a spoon. I also tipped food down the back of radiators.
So the questions I have asked myself is, are any of the roots of being in an R with some one so damaging as WH start there?
What else is there in the FOO?
The fact that I seemed to be the adult in the household? I took care of my siblings, is that it? My aged pa says I was such an old soul as a child. I read endlessly, is that an escape? Is that blocking?
I have worked hard all my life, is that it?
These are my FOO issues, a little bit of benign neglect perhaps. I have friends, long standing friends and I have had love.
The recent triggers for cPTSD come from WH abuse, however I haven't yet understood why they affected me so badly. It has been 7 months NC, almost complate NC yet still this triggers me.
The flashbacks are emotional flooding from a deep place. I only observe them feel them and get mindful about them.
How much harder must it be for those who have deep FOO issues.
I am not co-dependent otherwise WH overtures would have been accepted.
Healing is important, this thread is to explore it.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 01/03/1611:03 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Hi V. So what do you mean by FOO led? I am very interested in FOO issues.
For yourself? Or to diagnose WAH?
Kind of both Zues. I am watching my 14 year old turn into my MIL before my eyes and want to stop this. H's FOO issues are intertwined with his relationship with our d, which is very intense and affecting my 12 year old son because he is her target a lot of the time. It's all inter-related and I want the "alliances" and the codependency to stop.
Careful of the judgements Fo. Remember what you think about evolves and becomes.
Instead think of leading and healing your family. Detaching from MIL.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I conclude almost everyone has FOO issues of one type or a other.
That's where the ACE test comes in. Everyone I think should know their ACE score and the compensatory resilience test.
There is:
Neglect (deliberate or benign) Abuse, physical, sexual or emotional Illness Loss Poverty of resources and environment, including homelessness Becoming a carer Being bullied at school, being different War, torture and disaster
Most of this requires compassion and love. Putting this into our life story, minimises the impact of the early programming.
So what does this tell V?
It tells me that she believed from childhood she is the adult and a great responsible carer, any wonder someone who wanted to be cared for was attracted to that?
WH misjudged though he wanted a co-dependent and enabler. I wasn't and it made him abusive.
v
Last edited by Vanilla; 01/03/1611:21 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Hi, I've found you I would have been here sooner but I had some drama. If your interested it's on the new thread. I want to work on myself in this thread. It may have to wait till tuesday. Tomorrow I have IC, be well
I would have been here sooner but I had some drama. If your interested it's on the new thread. I want to work on myself in this thread. It may have to wait till tuesday. Tomorrow I have IC, be well