Here is my story in a nutshell, 1st BD of ilybinilwy was early 2013, and my husband left me early 2014. I had done a lot of divorce busting and tried to save my marriage and he ended up leaving in 2014. Since separating I have done an incredible amount of work on myself through counselling, analyzing, talking with friends, reading books, etc and I feel that I am aa pretty good place right now. I feel strong and happy and I feel very detached from my ex and get along fairly well We have young children and have worked out all of our financial and custody arrangements, etc.
I am now dating a wonderful man! He caught me off guard. He is everything I have ever looked for or imagined in a partner and more. He is kind, funny, adventurous, understanding, empathetic, wild, handsome and genuinely a good person and beyond that we hit it off immediately and have had amazing times together. I am falling in love, if not already and he has told me he is as well.
The other night, however he told me that he considered breaking it off with me but every time he comes to my house and sees me he cannot ever imagine losing me. We had a big talk and decided to stay together. He has told me he is intimidated by the fact that I have children. He also has 2 children. He is not sure about him being in the father type role with my children. I feel he is scared. He also worries about freedom, he was in a relationship where his wife wouldn't allow him to have his weekends away hiking and he felt constricted and now he was getting his freedom back again but now he is in a relationship again. I think he worries about his work and life and family balance and gets anxiety over that.
All I can think about is the fun we have together and how I feel about him. He is so wonderful and we have amazing fun times. I can't imagine losing him. I want to just take a risk because I feel I owe it to myself to see if this can lead somewhere, yet I feel at such risk of being hurt by him! I am confused and conflicted!!
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
I am basically torn whether to take a risk by staying with this man or not. I feel incredible with him. But I am not sure he will be up for being with someone who has children and that scares me. I also know he cares for me tremendously and doesn't want to lose me, and I don't want to lose him either!
I am up to to my eyeballs in the sea of broken marriage so take what I say with a grain of salt. I think what your experiencing is great but be careful. I would suggest traveling at a turtles pace. Your on the rebound and feeling the high of a new relationship. From what you wrote I am seeing hints of his baggage showing. He wants to do what he wants to do and you may become an anchor. I would recommend taking it slow.
I am torn between taking a risk in staying with this man who is not sure about the fact that I have children. I also feel that the risk is well worth it, as he is an incredible man and I see such potential for us if things do work out!
Mutation you are right, I am very much feeling euphoria of being in a new relationship. I have never felt this way before and it scares me that I feel so good and feel such love.
He has also told me he is scared of how strong his feelings are for me. He has also had a marriage ended a couple of years ago and is hurting from that.
What do you mean by me being his anchor, do you mean I am keeping him grounded or that I am holding him back?
And he is so confusing, lol. I believe he says he wants to take it slow, and feels anxious sometimes. But I have been following his lead letting him make all of the plans to see each other etc. And he invites me over all the time when his children are home and he invites himself over when my kids are home and he just introduced me to his whole family and I am going to his work party. Why the heck is he doing all of this?! And then he asks why I want to jump right into things with him.. But I don't really want that, I have been just following his lead!! Confused!
He may enjoy being independent. You can't be sure why he got divorced and what his part was in it. My gut says be careful. I am not suggesting dropping him, all I'm saying is take it slow. Your radar picked something up on the horizon. You can't see it yet and make out what it is. That doesn't mean its not there.
If I was you I would invest in a few man books/ and self help books.
It a bit clinical to go down this path when so 'in love' but it's worth it for the long term. Learn what makes men tick.
Learn about Love Languages. Learn what men need - and why.
What are the ages of the children? Do you work together, live close together?
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
We have young children and have worked out all of our financial and custody arrangements, etc. 
