Adventures of PP, Woofie, and the WAW (9)

[Mona52]

Now who the heck is rewriting history???? Knock it off.

Now!

Yep, she said she did not like this or that in the M. I am 100% positive you did not just sit there and say to yourself, "I don't care what she wants or needs."

It is like the example, man "if we were intimate more i would be more loving", woman "if you were more loving I would be intimate more."

Both are at fault, but neither are to blame. You were not a horrible H. You did not cheat, or gamble or beat on her, right?

It is OK to recognize your flaws and work on fixing them, but no one here is going to allow you to rewrite your M with you as the bad guy, because you have bared your soul here and we know you.

I never specifically asked you to help me PP. Yet, there were days when it was ONLY your words on my silly thread that pulled me through. The way you give out compliments, I know for a fact you enjoy complimenting people. I also know that if you think back over your M, you complimented her. And you did it in ways no one else in the entire world could have and never will, for the rest of her life.

So, when you think about beating yourself up because you were at fault (pfft), remember just that one thing, compliments. You were the best!

And as for beating you up, that is 100% our job, thank you very much, and we don't need your help.




(See how nice we do it?)

[Elly4]

Hi PP,

As always your reflections are illuminating. I would have to agree that while you weren't the best in your sitch, you are definitely not the bad guy. But at the same point nether is she I think. This is just a journey that we're on, in the short time we're given, to find out who is the best us and how do we find our ultimate purpose.

Congratulations on your launch, and I am so glad you already received feedback.

E

[Pax_luv]

Pig pen- you're awesome! Don't you forget it! I doubt any of us were taught the comprehensive list of spousal rules.... So we're bound to make reflections... But that's all they should be.

At the time, we didn't know what we didn't know.... And now we do. I doubt any of us would purposefully make the same "mistakes" Ina future R. We all live and learn and boy are we ever learning!

[PigPen]

Thank you everyone, it may have come off more self blaming than I meant it to. I also still carry a heavy burden in my heart for our M ending due to my own issues. Perhaps that just because mine were more easily seen and on the surface. Either way, PP 2.0 is living a much different life. Mona you're a saint, I hit very hard and have volunteered my services in the past (for V) if your H needs a stern talking to!

E - so good to have you back.

Feyth - thank you, you are correct about the learning!

Slow week on the M front. Got a text about Woofie letting my know his back was a bit out again but nothing to worry about. I thanked her for the message and left it at that. We'll meet this weekend for the swap. I'm a bit under the weather and fighting a cold after too much staying up late and airplane travel.

The website launch has been great, and is a big step in the dropping the rope transition. In it I write about the struggles of this year, of getting sober and doing so in the midst of a marital breakdown. Lots of people in my extended life had no idea of either one happening so it's making the experience all the more real. Hard to get through but like everyone on here, it's life so hiding it won't help.

Today I reached out to another ex, or sort of ex as we just dated, one I was with on and off as my W came in and out of the picture. I asked for the opportunity to apologize to her in person as our split wasn't that clean and I handled my end of it poorly. She was the one who was left with questions and hurt feelings, I transitioned right into dating my W and wrote her off.

She replied how thankful she was I reached out as she had been thinking of reaching out to me for years as well but hadn't. We're having lunch in a few weeks. No desire there on either of our parts, just someone I'd like to say I'm sorry to and catch up with. She was a big part of my life as a friend prior to us dating a bit. I think it will be good for us both.

Just another piece of this wild and crazy DB journey.

[JellyB]

PP

Every girl has that one guy we want to reach out to us and have that apology.

You are quite spectacular. My heart is melting. Oh boy!!!

For girls me included who are still waiting for that guy. Thank you kind sir for seeing this as important. You just don't know what this kind of act can do for a girl.

You are indeed quite lovely PP.

JellyBXXX

[rd500]

PP Congrats on everything. The website sounds awesome and your reaching out to the EX is epic. What a gesture I have no right to this but I felt a certain pride in your actions.

I have a few relationships that j would love to go back and explain but alas 25 odd years have past.

I'm in awe of your changes

Proud to be an online buddy

Take care. Rd

[Mona52]

I am so excited for your website! Everything is going up up up right now! and you deserve it!

So, I read your post and I remember I technically never broke up with Kyle when I was 12. Do I still have a BF?

(Niccce)

It looks like you are moving forward perfectly, but still leaving that door a tiny bit ajar. I just wish we could erase a little more sadness, and get some playful joy in its place.

[Elly4]

PP, sounds like things are going well for you. I wish my H would reach out and talk to me...but then I wouldn't be on here, would I? He still hasn't told his family yet.

I am looking forward to a PP and Woofie story from the weekend. Are we playing frisbee on the beach? Sharing ice creams outside of an establishment? Playing poker?

Let us know!

I am very glad to be back on. Not sure why I stopped myself from getting on here where I can get support. Gotta stop doing that.

*hugs*
E

[Strongr]

PP,

I admire your strength.

Frank

[PigPen]

Thank you everyone for your positive comments, this road still has much to be walked.

I just did the latest dog swap with STBXW. It was our fastest and least engaging. She was in a store when I pulled up and a few minutes later walked out talking and laughing with someone else on her cell phone. It's odd, I actually fell in love with my W the first time I heard her laugh and this time it kind of annoyed me.

I've posted about this in the past but one of our marital issues was how often I would be waiting for her to come in from work with dinner ready or just ready for us to begin our evening after a long day of work and she'd be out in her car on her phone. Sometimes for up to a half hour.

I would get upset when she came inside and she'd tell me that she just couldn't hang up with anyone. Somehow every time I was pulling in the drive way knowing she was there I had no problem telling whomever I was on the phone with, "Just pulling in at home I'll have to pick this up again with you tomorrow."

Seeing her walking towards me talking to someone else knowing I had been out there waiting for her triggered that again. It's a lesson in patience for me for sure. And a lesson in "everything's not about me". But it still annoyed me because it made me again feel like anything that has to do with me isn't a priority. That was a big issue for me in our M.

Probably reading into this too much, she was just on the phone.

We hugged quickly, she gave me a quick rundown on Woofie, and then hugged me again and that was it. No more than five minutes total. I think it's almost better at this point so I don't spend the next two weeks trying to dissect and mind read what she really meant by what she said. The mysticism around her continues to be less and less and I'm able now to view her as she is. That's helpful.

Last time she informed me that one of her hesitations around reconciliation was that I was so underdeveloped in the personal development arena, and she was so advanced that we would go back to being a mismatch...it upset me greatly until I realized that someone advanced would actually never say anything like that. Plus I know where I stand in my own growth circle and want to be with someone that recognizes me for the work I've done and how I live, not someone that projects her own superiority onto me.

I'm a bit blah, dealing with this cold and knowing the holidays are next week. Looking forward to having my dog back and having a mellow rest of the weekend.

Cheers everyone, and as always, I'm grateful for all of the support and advice that you each bring.

PP