Hello everyone. I do not know where to start, and I hope this all makes sense.
I am active duty in the Navy. I have served for 15 years and have loved every second of it.
Here goes. My wife and I have been separated for 15 months now. I came home from a 2 month underway and that day, July 28, 2014, 2 days after our 11th anniversary, she told me she wanted a divorce. Events that lead up to this, I emotionally cheated several times. We were separated in 2009 for 8 months. At the time she had a boyfriend and I messed around with her best friend to find out information about what she was doing. She was a terrible person at the time, doing drugs, drinking all of the time, and pretty much abandoned our daughters. Well, we ended up reconciling, and things were good. I emotionally cheated again, and she found out again. The icing on the cake was when she found out I slept with her best friend. She said she understands why I did it, and although she is hurt that I slept with another woman, she can not get over the fact that I let her still be friend with her knowing what happened between us.
The first few months of separation were hard, I fell into deep depression. She started dating almost instantly, and I moved out, I could not stand thought of watching her leave to go date other men. I watched her leave several times, never long, enough time to do dinner and then she would be home. It became to much and I was at my emotional edge.
I got in contact with a girl I was with many years ago. Sparks flew, and we are together, still today. I was happy in the relationship with her, but now, more and more al I can think about is my wife.
In November of that year, I left on deployment. A few weeks after that she had the guy she was dating pretty much move into our house. We emailed a few times while I was gone, but it was all strictly platonic. We try to maintain a healthy relationship for our daughters. After I got back from deployment, my wife and I hooked up a few times. Having sex on several occasions, and stopping short of sex on others. She tells me that she is still on love with me, but she is also in love with her boyfriend. He has cheated on her several times and each time she comes to me crying about it. It tears me apart to see her like that. Each time she says she does not know how to leave him. She sees the good in him and wants to help him get there. She says she is happier than she has been in years with him.
I do not know what to do. WE are both in new relationships but I do not want to lose my wife. The divorce papers are with the courts, so we are just waiting now. I have read the books, but what can I do to save this? I know I need to break up with my current girlfriend, and I am more than willing to do that for my wife. My wife knows where I stand on our marriage. Sometime she is very nice, very flirty, and other times just down right mean. Any advice? Do you think there is still a shot or is this too far gone? I have never given up hope, but I feel like I push her away because I tell her how much I still love her and want her and our family.
Hi, sorry to see you here. This a great place to be to get advice. May I ask you why you had those EA? Have you work on the reason why you did it? Do you want to be with your W or your GF?
I have done extensive counseling, upwards of 50 sessions that not only focused on my marriage, but my life from a child up until now. I grew up where my aunts and uncles all cheated on each other, my dad cheated on my mom and nobody ever got divorced. They all worked it out and are still married until this day. The counselor believes it was ingrained in me that it was normal and accepted behavior. She never did anything to make me look elsewhere, it was my own selfish way of seeking attention. I know this, and I know that I would never do it again. I now know what I had with her, and I want it back.
I could breakup with my GF at any moment and be just fine. The only one that I want to be with is my W.
M-32 W-29 3D-12, 10, 8 Bomb Dropped 28 Jul 2014 She started dating 4 Aug 2014
The hard part is that she always comes to me for emotional support when things are not right with her BF. It tears me apart. She says she is going to leave him and then she doesn't. The most recent thing that happened this week was that her boyfriend got physical with an old flame of his. She cried on my shoulder about it, then says she is going to stay and try to work it out. She told me the other day that she says a lot of mean stuff to me to push me away, and apologized for it.
I get so emotional with her because in my mind she should just leave him and come back, but there is something that I do not understand keeping her there. Our texts always turn into me getting emotional and it upsets her. She says she still needs to find out who she is and what she wants.
M-32 W-29 3D-12, 10, 8 Bomb Dropped 28 Jul 2014 She started dating 4 Aug 2014
I'm not an expert nor a vet, but why would she come back to you if you are available for her to have shoulder to cry on? It feels like you are more a friend to her. She still has her BF and you when things go wrong. She is in a win win situation.
I did about a week ago and she freaked out. Anxiety attack, almost fainted, had to go to the ER. [censored] for her because she is absolutely in love with me. So I said never mind we are still together. People say that I am too much of a nice guy. I felt bad for her.
M-32 W-29 3D-12, 10, 8 Bomb Dropped 28 Jul 2014 She started dating 4 Aug 2014
I have been separated for a year and a half now, and I still want to save my marriage. There is still live there as she tells me she loves me, misses me, misses us and our family. It seems though that she only says this stuff when her and her boyfriend are having issues. Long story short
We separated in July 2014, her idea, I never wanted it. She started dating immediately and was soon in a relationship with her current boyfriend. A few months after they got together I had to deploy. At that time, I had also started a relationship. The night before I left for deployment, I went to spend some time with our daughters. She begged me not to go and see my girlfriend after that. It is a girl she hates. In my kind it was because of that hate for her that she did not want me to go. She cried and begged me not to go, but I went. After I got back from deployment, she told me that if I would have chose her instead of going to see my girlfriend, the marriage would have been saved. I had no idea, if she would have given a reason to believ, the I would have stayed that night. Those two weeks before I left all she did was tell me that she loved him, what was I supposed to think.
We have been intimate several times since we separated, the most recent one being months ago now.
So, she claims she misses us, again, when things re my good with her boyfriend. He has cheated on her several times and the girls he cheated on her with actually messaged her on Facebook. She says that she can not get that image of this night before I left out of her head, she can not forgive that.
I am still in my relationship, as is she. I am not happy in mine and feel that I just maintain it for the companionship.
She says the above image, she does not want to confuse our daughters or set a bad example for them by leaving him and coming back to me. That she is embarrassed, all of that kind of stuff.
I do not know what to do, we are still in love with each other, and I feel as it can still be saved. Is it too far gone? Should I just let her go? I am still in love with her and I it's her every single day.
M-32 W-29 3D-12, 10, 8 Bomb Dropped 28 Jul 2014 She started dating 4 Aug 2014
