I thought I was stronger and had come to peace that my family unit and relationship with wife was done. Going forward it was just my boys and I in our relationship as Father and Sons.
We went to mediation last week and I couldn't believe in the lies she made. She even requested separate talks with mediator rather than facing me with what she was going to present as her cause in the custody.
Well Halloween rolled around and it was her weekend and she didn't want me to participate with their trick or treating even though they have asked her for weeks. My boys are young (9,6,2). It didn't matter to her.
I honestly think she is trying to hurt me in whatever way she can and I don't know how a woman that says she loves me can now do an about face like that. I know her mother has a lot to do with this anger and aggressive hurt him as much as you can attitude.
I even try to comfort her during the mediation and said everything is going to be ok thinking that maybe kindness could make us go forward in as much peace as possible.
Today I was asking her about how my boys are and how things are and she says Great! So I ask even without me? No response. I she said yes, then I'd be happy for her.
I don't think she is happy, maybe because I'm not happy without them. I don't like the woman she has become and it's ugly. She wanted out and she has that, why doesn't she want to do what's best for our boys and let go of any anger. I have asked her to but she seems intent on being hurtful and moving on without me in her life.
Anyway, I want to stop and move on but I just can't.
Hey Strongr, sorry to hear about your sitch my friend. That sounds awful to be living through. I have no idea why someone would go from loving you to being to cruel to you. It must be a daily battle for you to keep yourself together.
All I can tell you as that it will end at some point. That's not the best pick me up you can hear but it's the bottom line truth. You know it will. Whether your W gets tired of being this way, you adapt to it, or something else happens to the change the situation.
Try to focus on your kids health, your health, and any all blessings that your life still has. Everyone on this board is suffering, we've all been to hell and some have spent more time there than others. It sounds like your lease has been renewed there.
Your W is definitely hurting. Try to look past the pain she's causing and see the pain in her. You don't have to tell her anything about it, but if you know it your heart then her behavior will be easier to bare.
You've got an apt name. It's time for you to stay strong and keep putting one foot in front of the other.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
First Thank You PP for the words of encouragement. I appreciate it.
I need to vent as my W retained and L and has filed a Petition that I am abusive toy her and the children, I am an alcoholic, and was never involved with my kids. This is all false and I cannot believe she would even lie. I don't get it. Why would she try to withhold my kids from having a relationship with their father?
I have coached my Son's Baseball Team for 3 years going now. I have never ever missed a special occasion or event that involved my kids until this past Halloween since it was her weekend and didn't want me there even though the kids have asked her many times.
I have never cheated on her, I have never lied to her, I have never hit her, I have never lifted a finger on her, and I never called her a foul name. This is why I am blown away.
I drank socially and stopped on 6/29/15.
I am ok that we are separated and respecting that she wanted out. I just want time with my boys. It hurts b/c I love her but I can live w/o us being together. I just want an equal time with kids.
What is in her mind that she wants to hurt me? I'm trying to move forward and make this fair for the boys so they can better cope with the hardship they are living.
How can I be comforting to her so that we can agree to move forward in the best interest of our boys?
I'm sick to my stomach and can't believe her!
Any advice and knowledge is appreciated. Thank You.
It's sad, but not uncommon, to see a spouse turn on you in these types of situations. Not sure there is much you can do to get her to act differently, but you do need to protect yourself. If your W is making false accusations about abuse, then she is capable of anything. I would stay away from her, unless in public settings, or with a reliable adult witness. Also suggest carrying a VAR (voice activated recorder) in your pocket, just in case she tries to entrap you into something.
Other than that, keep up with DBing, focus on yourself, and hopefully she will eventually settle down. I feel for you.
Me 47 W 42 T 24 yrs M 18 yrs W living with OM BD1: 3/7/2015 (A with OM#1) BD2: 4/11/2015 (A with OM#2, W moves out) WW filed for D, papers received 9/18/2015. Meeting to determine child custody 9/29/2015.
Hi, unfortunately this is our six months of separation and no where close to reconciliation.
I have been trying to make strides and been giving best effort for the sake of the kids in terms of being cordial and respectful.
My (I guess) ex wife now is resolved to the fact that we are done and I am ok with it.
My issue is that she is making things up about our relationship and acting like a professional victim. Her friends see it and says she is different and they don't want anything to do with here. Ex moved about an hour and half away and has been hanging out with bitter women and women who don't know the whole story.
I just don't know what to do, but especially I will not tolerate her disrespectful attitude toward me.
I'm sorry you are going through this strongr. I'm also equally sorry that I don't have any earth shattering advice to give... I think you just have to let it be. There's absolutely nothing you can do to control what she says, feels, or does. Nothing. You just have to face inwards and take action on the things you can control- your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Hang in there and be good to yourself- you know your truths!
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
Sorry for your sitch, Strongr. All you can do is respect yourself and act respectfully to others. Nothing you can do about what she says and does at all.
When I hit these situations, I read the Bible (not everybody's thing) and also Kipling's poem, "If"...which begins with something like, "If you can keep your head when those around you are losing theirs and blaming it on you..."
It's hard I know. But it's your thoughts and actions...your decisions...as well as time that will ultimately make you feel better about yourself. Not what she says or does.
Stronger, there is nothing you can do except hold your head up and realize that her words and actions speak volumes about her and nothing at all about you. It is hard to accept that, but it is the truth. Hang in there, you can do this. One day at a time, you are stronger than you realize.
