Well, I guess I can stop worrying about the sex thing, he told me in his not so subtle way that he physically is unable to have sex. So there is that. He could make some changes in life to fix that but that is his issue to fix, not mine.
We had a conversation yesterday, here are some things that came out of it: I asked why he didn't wish me a happy mother's day, he said h e didn't know he guesses he just hated the world that day. Interesting he takes his hate of the world out on me, of course not uncommon.
He also shared that he "hates life" where we are. Our house is too big, costs too much and he is worried about our income. He is miserable in the heat and he wants to move to our place up north. I on the other hand would love to be a snowbird but our youngest is starting high school in August and that makes it hard to snowbird. I certainly don't want to spend winters in northern Wisconsin! yikes!
Nothing earth shattering, but at least he's opening up a little bit. We are heading north next week always a fun, stress free time.
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
Can I make an observation? Hurt people hurt people. Your H has some sort of deep wound and he takes it out on you.
Although he says he "hates life" where you are. I would bet top dollar that if you bent over backwards to move he would just find something else to gripe about because being dissatisfied with everything around him spares him from having to look inward at the ugly truth and his own inadequacies. Happiness is a choice. People who don't realize this lay blame on everything else under the sun and are incapable of showing gratitude. Wherever he goes he will be unhappy because the unhappiness is inside him. Don't take it personally. It is a very selfish way of being, but he cannot show gratitude for any of the good things in his life. Does he have an IC? how about a spiritual leader that he trusts? This is your Hs issue, not yours. You need to continue to work on yourself (as we all do) so that his hurtful words and actions don't puncture your armor of self-confidence and self-reliance.
Thanks RAI. I've been saying for awhile he needs to figure himself out.
Things are going much better. We still have not had a conversation about our R, bits and pieces maybe, but nothing serious.
We spent a month up north over the summer. I had some expectations and of course was extremely disappointed. To the point where I knew if things continued the way they were going much longer I would be done.
He stayed up there about another month, I came back home and D15 started HS, D18 started at a local college. When he finally came home he was still so unhappy. My sister needed some help with her house so I told him to go help her. He asked if I was "ok" with that. I told him he was obviously miserable here and that he was making everybody around him miserable too and that he should go.
That is kind of when things changed. He came home 3 weeks earlier than I thought he would, said he missed us. We have been going out together and doing things. He even traded in his Harley for one that we can ride together comfortably.
There is still lots of work to do and I find myself falling into old habits sometimes. The lack of affection is hard but I was so patient for so long I'm not giving up now.
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
I have not read your thread recently so waspleased to see some positive change.
Best wishes
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
