Lost, alone, and in pain

[HurtHus]

So tonight W went out with two co-workers for one of their birthdays. She has texted me a few times while out and I have been lovingly detached. Replying every so often with a "hope you are having fun"type of reply. It is just so unsettling that I can't verify where she is or who she is with. This is the hard part of detaching. Both co-workers knew about the A and were "supportive" of W while everything was going on.

I'm not sure if I should just drink a STFU smoothie or find a way to address the relationship and how uncomfortable it makes me. At least W had her wedding ring on tonight when she left.

[Bob723]

Hi HurtHus,

I’m just swinging by to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I think you should drink the smoothie when your W is out.

Hang in there -- you will make it.

Bob

[sandi2]

I hope we have some really good times together in such a beautiful place, but I have no expectations.

I know easier said than done. I hope you can relax and enjoy what may be a once in a lifetime occasion. Be determined that you are going to enjoy it and don't focus on wondering if she's having fun, or allowing her mood swings to interfere with your fun. If she decides to stay in the room all day, leave her alone and go find something to do. If she's participating, show her what a great, fun guy you can be. The thing is to not let her ruin it for you. Make sense?

[HurtHus]

That makes total sense Sandi. Thanks again for the insight. I guess in applying the DB techniques of focusing on me and releasing my W to do her thing will be what I need to focus on. If I do that my time there will be enjoyable and my time with the kids will be a memory we can cherish for years to come. Hopefully W will be a part of that, but if not it is her loss.

[HurtHus]

Had a pretty good day. W actually acknowledged how much I do with the kids and how she couldn't handle doing as much as I do. She offered to let me go out alone today and go shopping. I said that was fine, but we could all go out shopping and let the kids play at the park and then grab dinner. She liked that idea. We had a fun night without incident.

I asked tonight if we could carve out time tomorrow to talk. I said things had seemed to be going well and just wanted to touch base. I validated her concern about things being too forced, but she said "no, you're right we should talk." She was rather touchy and affectionate after that.

One thing I am going to do to assert myself is get a new dog when our dog dies. I know that sounds morbid, but our dog is 11 1/2 and the average life span is 8-10 years. I work from home and for 5 years have had a constant companion. I clean up after him and care for him. The only challenge is when we travel, but I want a dog in my life. If she leaves I don't want to think I should have gotten that dog. W has said she doesn't want a dog after this one. How do I handle it?

[bravo61]

if you want a dog, get a dog. live your life for you right now. that doesn't mean being rude, just tell her that you would like her input but ultimately since it will be your responsibilty, it will be your choice.