About 3 weeks ago I confirmed that my husband is having an affairs. Since the, and reading Divorce Remedy, I have tried to let my spouse go make his own decisions, although I have slipped up. I have stayed away from home many nights. He has been gone most of the time, probably with the OW, although he won't admit it. He has taken money and as a result I protected some assets. Although he won't come right out and say it, I'm pretty sure he is planning to leave. Right now we are staying in the same house. I made an appointment with an an attorney just to understand how I might protect my self, home equity, getting bills paid etc. My DB coach suggested I should tell him I'm going. Not sure what to do?
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
I told my W. I could actually see a physical shift in her attitude immediately. If you've always been the type of person who didn't stand up for yourself in the marriage, if he perceives that he will just walk all over you and you'll take it, then doing something like talking to a L is something that will shock his system.
I wouldn't if he's violent though...don't know your history. Definitely get some help/support if there is ANY chance of something being dangerous in his potential reaction.
He is very used to me standing up for myself. Expect since a few weeks ago when I suspected the affair. I became a blubbering idiot. Have really tried to detached in the last 2 weeks which I'm sure is surprising to him since I am kind of a control freak. I have slipped up and ask him questions on occasion. I have done a lot of snooping even though I know I'm not supposed to. I know I lot more than he things I do.
My H, 49, is in MLC and has history of depression. Currently on meds. Has had a 3 rough years, losing both parents, in and out work due to health problems. Having a affair with someone who lives 1000 miles away but is from a town near here. H won't say what he plans to do, hasn't ask for divorce but there is evidence that he is house hunting and that she is thinking of leaving her husband. He took money also. He moved out into the spare bed/bath. I'm trying to detach as much as possible. MLC
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
