seperated 4 months, its now 9 months, oh and om

[help67]

Hi JB,

I wanted to thank you for the invite, I will take you up on it soon. Hope you are well.

[help67]

Hi u,

Thanks for posting, I agree about the smile, hello being a good step. It is getting easier for me to do the more I do it.

[help67]

My w dropped my d off yesterday and she gave me an apple that she picked from a tree in her yard. I had to bite my tongue, I wanted to ask her if a serpent told her to give it to me.
Today when she dropped off my d, she gave me a cinnamon bun the two of them baked today. I sometimes think it would be easier if my w would be mean to me.

[Vanilla]

Help!

Really?

You want mean........

A lovely cinnamon bun from your precious D, gracious.

Now just you go and enjoy every yummy mouthful, with chopped Apple. You can send that my way and I would add some blue cheeeeeeese.

V

[help67]

I read something by Pema Chodron that put into perspective the craziness that is the day to day of a LBS. "Because we mistakenly take what is always changing to be permanent, we suffer".
So what your WAS might feel today will change many times, it is our job to work on ourselves, and to not fight them about their feelings. Easier said then done.

[help67]

Hi V,

Hope you are doing good.

No, I don't want my ww wife to be mean to me. Not much interaction between us this week, when she drops off or picks up d, my ww waits in the car, and I didn't go outside to say hello.

Emails about d camp, and one email where she sent me something funny to watch on you tube. I sent her one email asking how her day went when she took our d to work, she sent back a funny reply.

I want to ask her if she would like to hang out and do something. Is this a bad idea at this point. It feels like she is db me.

[help67]

WW picked d up today, she asked me how things were, I said good, asked how she was, she said the same. I thanked her for apples she gave me from her tree, I made a joke and she laughed. PMA was good, but just faking the sadness that is always there.

So as far as the seperation agreement goes, we filled out a budget sheet and she said she would get back to me, this was 15 weeks ago. I was trying to convince her I didn't want it, but i finally said we should do it because it is what she needs, and like i said it has been 15 weeks and no mention of it.

I am trying to use this limbo time as a way to sit with my emotions and see where they come from and dig deeper to see the underlying reason.

Made my d feel guilty the other day because she wanted to go to friends when i had plans for us. In the past it would not have been addressed, but now we had a good talk about it, and figured out how to communicate even better.

[Fogg]

It makes sense to me, thinking it would be easier if WW was just mean. The niceness keeps you holding on and stops detaching, making things more difficult and drawn out for you. It would appear to be easier to let go of a spewing demon W than one baking you food. Maybe in the long run its different, just letting know you I've had similar thoughts and can relate

[help67]

What is meant by it taking one month for every year together, for me that would be about 2 yrs. Is that time that is needed for the ww to heal, for her to believe the LBS has truly changed or something else.

[help67]

Thanks for understanding,
\
My w is a nice person, it is who she is, and at the beginning I decided that whatever I had to do, I would no longer be mean or hurt her. The more I learn how I hurt her, and I become more empathic, and compassionate, the harder it is to not try to do the things she wanted then. To become again the person she fell in love with and not be able to be there for her makes me cry everyday. I am learning to be there for myself and that is good.