my story

[hope567]

Early on, I did the typical begging, convincing, etc approach. Was so confused, lots of tears & mornings where it was tough to get rolling. Since then, I have tried to have a much more calm demeanor, no more attempts at appealing to her logic or sentimentality (both are gone). I still find it hard to be a relaxed happy person around her, some days are easier than others, and I do try to fake it even when I'm not relaxed. At this point I am still trying to DB but find myself more accepting that perhaps this will end & questioning whether I could even have a relationship with her. I know that if she came to me with a desire to patch things up, I would want to try. But I am at the same time growing more comfortable with idea that perhaps we have in fact reached the end. Unless she has a big change of heart, she is currently really far removed from a person I would want to be married to, and did a lot of really really crummy things to me that are hard to ignore. So am I DBing? Yes. Am I questioning whether I want her anymore? Yes. Maybe this is all a part of detachment, though I'm afraid that once I turn that corner of detaching, I may not be able to go back, even though I love my family more than anything I will ever accomplishing this planet.

[theoden]

Hope,

It sounds more like you are journaling rather than actually interacting with the people here.

For your own sake and your children's sake your DB-ing needs to focus on getting best settlement for you financially with the most access to the kids. You can't NICE her back. The only thing you can do is show strength, self-respect and backbone.

You don't have to go visit her house or hang out with OM.

You DO need to try and get your game on just so you can survive.

--Theoden

[hope567]

I fear that there will be no busting of this divorce. She is too far gone and it seems that this is going to play out with the divorce finalized in about a month.

A couple questions for the group. One is that I am at the point of having to decide on whether I can/should keep the house. Curious of other experiences. Regrets either way? Positives/negatives you've experienced? We have a nice home and am looking into the finances of keeping it; any creative financing methods you've used?
I would have to buy a "lesser" house; any problems with kids moving?

2nd question is that I've pretty well decided that my spouse has a strong narcissistic component to her personality. Antecdotally, do walk away spouses tend to have such a personality?

Lastly, in good news, I have secured 50/50 physical custody, which is best I could hope for and was my top priority. Wasn't easy and

[Vanilla]

Hope it would be helpful to have your profile completed. The portion at the bottom of the thread.

V

[hope567]

Here it is, my signature...

[Vanilla]

Thank you

V

[hope567]

I fear that there will be no busting of this divorce. She is too far gone and it seems that this is going to play out with the divorce finalized in about a month.

A couple questions for the group. One is that I am at the point of having to decide on whether I can/should keep the house. Curious of other experiences. Regrets either way? Positives/negatives you've experienced? We have a nice home and am looking into the finances of keeping it; any creative financing methods you've used?
I would have to buy a "lesser" house; any problems with kids moving? An additional consideration for me is I have no family nearby & many neighbors have been very helpful with watching my kids for a portion of workday, are friendly with kids, etc.

2nd question is that I've pretty well decided that my spouse has a strong narcissistic component to her personality. Antecdotally, do walk away spouses tend to have such a personality?

Lastly, in good news, I have secured 50/50 physical custody, which is best I could hope for and was my top priority.

[Sotto]

Hi Hope, the D may or may not go through. If it does, that doesn't mean the end of the road if you don't want it to be. There are many instances of the spouse starting to turn after D. Sometimes things need to go that far in order for realisation (that D hasn't solved things) to set in.

Gogofo is one such example (newcomers) and Lifes Twists (MLC) another. As for the house - IDK. I moved out and it has helped me not to be in 'our' environment. I'm in a new place and have my own things around me. Being in our house without H wasn't something I wanted to do. But I don't have kids, and so that is different.

With the narcissism, I have seen some mention of this in other posts. I think many WAS's display narcissistic traits within sitches. Whether there is an ongoing component of this depends on how long those traits have been evident I think. If your W has behaved that way for many years - maybe - but if this is new, it's likely linked to the sitch.

Good news on the custody - pleased for you xx

[hope567]

Everyday, something new. Now WAW wants me to sign off on her taking the kids to Toronto area (presumably with OM, though she won't admit it) to visit our mutual friends that just moved there. Our divorce isn't even final and won't be until end of Sept. I said I wouldn't be ok with that, and she immediately texted me back referencing bringing this before a judge. Unreal. Does flight risk cross my mind? Yes, a bit, as she has lied about so many things big and small over the past couple years, including travel with OM to Mexico. Upsetting too because we were supposed to go there last summer as a family before all the divorce talk happened. She wants to go before school starts, which is less than a month & kids have no passports. Once again, she is proving to be incapable of empathy towards me on any level, and incapable of accepting anything but what she wants. Thoughts? Any experience with this?

[hope567]

Divorce due to be final Friday this week. What is she doing? Next day off on a 10 day vacation; cliched and predictable for the script these two self-centered adolescents are working from. Celebrating the demise of two families via their calculated plans. I'm sad and she is celebrating; on different planets at this point. Upshot is I get 10 days with my kids - best vacation I could ask for & nowhere else I'd rather be. Indications are that the OM may allegedly already be cheating on her and missing designated time with his kids, and flying through money he received from his divorce. Classy guy. I probably couldnt even tell my STBX that he may even be cheating - anger would only be directed at me. These are the people that she brought into our family and my kids now know. Wtf. I have the urge to send her a final note saying what are you doing,but I am quite sure it would do no good, though it would make me feel better, even if it would probably increase her contempt of me for now. Not really focused on saving marriage at this point - just need to relearn how to be me, and go from there.