Once you get past the pain of rejection and fear of abandonment you start gaining some momentum on rebuilding your core.
That's what I'm trying to get past, the pain of rejection and fear of abandonment. I guess I'm still stuck there. Detaching the best I can, but it's so hard.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Had a great day yesterday! Very little mind drifting and kept the contact with WW strictly limited to the kids.
WW continues to sleep at a friends place and return in the morning to get the kids off to school. I don't ask questions or show concern. I smile and say good morning and goodnight.
WW is now employed and working part time in the evenings. When I got home from work she was already gone and S12 said she would be back around 9pm. WW text me around 8:00 asking if everything was ok and how the kids were doing. My reply was an emoji thumbs up.👍🏻 I was a little annoyed that she apparently went from work to her friends without saying goodnight to the kids.
I needed to leave early for a meeting this morning but the WW was still not home and the kids needed breakfast etc. I got the kids breakfast and text the WW if she planned on making home it so I could leave. WW responded that she wasn't feeling well and was on her way.
I didn't respond since I didn't think it warranted a response. I'm guessing I need to address this but didn't want to say the wrong thing.
WW continues to WOW me with new depths of waywardness. The more I detach the more I realize this may be the best thing that could have happened. Looking forward to another good day!
Me42 W40 S12 D8 M:15yrs BD 3/27/15 D filed 4/27/15
This morning started like many before it...WW shows up to make breakfast for the kids and get them off to school. A standard Good Morning is customary these days but nothing more as I prepare to leave.
As I'm kissing my kids goodbye and wishing them a good day the WW says "What's up? I don't get one?"
Something happened that hasn't before, my heart didn't drop, I didn't try to make sense of it, I walked over playfully grabbed her, kissed her forehead and wished her well.
I didn't think of it again until I got to work. To be honest, I finally understand no expectations. I don't care to analyze it or look for hidden meanings. I'm getting over it and it feels good.
I was far too comfortable in the past and was dependent on someone other than myself. Looking forward to many more days like today.
Me42 W40 S12 D8 M:15yrs BD 3/27/15 D filed 4/27/15
Spent the night catching up with some old friends didn't end up getting home until 7am. I walked in the house and WW hit me with 20 questions.
Did I sleep in my car? Is there an OW? What was I doing?
Just b/c your WW asked, you are not obligated to answer, and certainly not give details (even if short & sweet). Learn how to give vague answers without lying.
A WW has doubled standards. You will see how ironic it can be with the questions she asks. In her WW mindset, it is okay for her to have OM, breakup her family, stay out late, etc., but she doesn't want you having the same. If she is distracted by what you have been doing, that's good.
Always be on guard for her to hit you with something unexpected. She may be as ugly as sin one day and try to be best buds the next. The WW will call you out of the blue, acting all chirpy and wanting to go some place together. They expect to still be included in family trips, vacations, family and holiday celebrations, etc. they see nothing wrong with them partaking of the usual festivities, but don't you dare intrude into her secret life!
Have a prepared answered that fits several things. For an example: When she gets nosie with her questions, just look incredulous at her and say, "Seriously?!". Some things you might be able to laugh and walk away. Sometimes no response sends a loud message. Another example is, "That's not a good idea right now, considering the state of our M".
She is very curious about you, at the moment, which is great. She needs to wonder what you are thinking and doing. She also needs to see you are no easy pushover for her.
You said she had not left the MBD yet. Have you told her to leave? It is not uncommon for the WW to ignore it, especially if it means they have to sleep in an uncomfortable place. Remember, she feels entitled!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
The WW has been out of the MB for over a month and is still packing up the closet and master bath.
Sandi2 - Your so right on the money! So I have been away the last 2 days on a fishing trip. I let her know that she needed her to stay at the house Friday night since I had plans. WW asked what time I thought I would return and I replied "Very late or in the morning".
The WW called me last night 4 times in a row after 11pm and text me asking me if I was still awake. I had already fallen asleep so I did not answer or respond.
When I got up and going this morning I text her back to see what she needed. WW text that she couldn't sleep but everything was ok now. I left it alone.
PigPen - No question detaching takes time and work. Once you are able to truly detach you begin to see things in a different light. Its been nice.
Me42 W40 S12 D8 M:15yrs BD 3/27/15 D filed 4/27/15
Upon from my fishing trip I let the WW know that I would be late Friday since I had plans with a friend. Had a great time Friday night and ended up getting home at 4am. When I got home I found the WW in my bed???I was too tired to discuss boundaries so I fell into bed for a few hours of needed sleep. When I woke up the WW was gone, along with the $40 I left on the night stand. This bothered me but no need to get upset so I simply let her know if she needed money to let me know and I would transfer it to her account.
While getting ready to head out to S12's BB game I realized I left my wallet in my friends car. I asked the WW for any change she had from the $40 and explained that my wallet was MIA.
WW let me know she could not attend S12's games since she didn't have any gas and I just said Ok. Later she text me that she wanted to come to the game but decided to have a girls day with D8 at the mall. I replied that was probably best and to have fun.
I made plans to pick my wallet up later in the afternoon and after I got cleaned up the WW asked how long I would be gone. When I told her I would be gone a few hours she asked if I should take my S12 with me to which I said nope.
WW is so random and unpredictable I can see how it played my emotions in the past. I no longer try to read her mind or look for signals. I honestly no longer care what she is up to.
I no longer need her to be happy and regardless of how this turns out it will be a happy ending.
Hope everyone has a Funday Sunday!
Me42 W40 S12 D8 M:15yrs BD 3/27/15 D filed 4/27/15
Spent my Sunday doing yard work and S12's BB games. WW was not in attendance which makes it easier these days. At one point WW text me that she was going to try and make it but it was too far.
I said no problem but was hoping she could let S12 ride home with her since I had plans. WW sends me this long text about how she thinks I'm going out because she is staying at a friends house. WW goes on to say if I am "screwing around" just tell her.
My response: Just moving on & I am not concerned where you stay. WW: You just avoided everything I said.
I did not respond to her. I hardly think she gets to lecture me on "screwing around"!
Silly WW games continue - The difference is I am no longer her emotional puppet.
Me42 W40 S12 D8 M:15yrs BD 3/27/15 D filed 4/27/15
Max - I agree that you don't need to tell her specifics. But I'm not sure you should say you're "moving on".
When my W asked me if I was dating, I said that I was in no state to be going out with other women, but I was enjoying making new friends. I was advised that I should have said that while I wasn't in a state to be dating, I was working on myself.
I fear that "moving on" comes across that you don't care for her anymore. And that makes it OK what she's doing.
