This is horrible. I have two daughters (14, 11) who are witnessing the changes, and I have kept mum about it. The only thing I have said is that daddy is going through something. Do you know of any books for kids that somewhat explain a midlife crisis? I fear that my girls will hate my husband and I tend to make excuses for him. I used to always say that I wanted them to marry someone like daddy, but now I would not (I have not told them that I wouldn't want them to marry someone like their father). I speak so highly of my husband because prior to this, he was awesome. He was such a family man. But it bothers my girls to see daddy treat me like I don't exists.
I haven't pursued any legal separation, because I don't want to. But, my husband hasn't provided a penny towards the kids since he left. Am I being foolish for not seeking child support/legal separation? I am educated and can support the kids and myself fine without, but I have people telling me that I am enabling him.
Also, do I push the girls to spend time with him? They don't want to, but I make them because he is still their father. My son is only 5 so his perception is not as in tune as the girls. My girls are mad. My husband has basically told them that every family memory they have of good times was a lie. He told the girls that the only reason there were good times was because I let him have concessions and I allowed him to have a good time (another control aspect).
They explain to me that they feel that their memories are lies. So not only is my heart being ripped out because of losing my husband, but I am standing for my kids and it is difficult. I don't want to enable, but I refuse to say anything bad. I've educated them on midlife crisis (not the affairs, etc. but more the emotions). I have explained that people will often experience memories that are not a true representation of the actual event itself. My husband wants to spend time with the kids, but more as a friend and no longer as a father. He takes them to record stores, movies, etc. but does not ask how they're doing, doesn't know anything in depth in their lives at all (school, health, emotions, etc.) He is becoming a stranger to them, and it makes me sad.
We were in the process of buying a house and had to move out of our rental. He didn't help with the move at all. I am doing the job of two parents, which I will gladly do, but I feel like I am making excuses for him. Do I stop? Do I preserve the image that they have of their daddy the best way I can. What if this makes my girls leery of relationships? I worry about all of this...My worry goes beyond my husband and I getting back together. I worry if my girls will view marriage as horrible because they see.
I am cleaning up a lot because of what my husband has told them (how he hates me, how it's all my fault, how he's the only one who gets a say in this-when he decides about us, he'll let me know.)
I know that I need to detach, but it is hard. I'm praying every day and don't understand how my husband can be so blessed while I am struggling and while my kids are struggling. It's so lonely. In my case my husband has left the kids and me homeless. We were in the process of buying a house and our lease was up. My kids and I had to move in with my parents. I love them, but it hinders me getting a life. I can't see how my husband can look at the faces of our three awesome kids and not feel guilt. He spends time with them, but not in the same capacity as he used to. He's more buddy to them but what they need is a father. He's not providing support for the kids and I don't know if I should hold his feet to the fire. I am drying the kids' tears. My husband doesn't acknowledge what this is doing to the kids and he seems to think buying them things and going out to eat and to the movies will fix their insecurity. My husband used to be such a good man. My husband has said that there's no way back and that we're just waiting our 12 month requirement for divorce. He doesn't contact me at all about the kids, nor have I contacted him. He has no clue what is going on in their lives, and when they try to talk to him about what's going on, he gets mad at them and it becomes my fault.
Most times my husband won't acknowledge me but then makes some weird off the wall out of the blue sexual comment.
