What am I going to use to enforce the boundary? We are already in the divorce process. She's made it clear she isn't interested in saving the marriage, and that she doesn't care about how I feel about anything.
My state is a no fault marriage state, infidelity won't have an impact on the legal proceedings.
I actually am feeling good at the moment. So I'm going to try not to worry about it. Its out of my control.
Me: 35 Her (WAW): 34 D8, S5, D2 T:16, M:9 BD + D: 4/3/2015 EA Confirmed 5/6/2015 Separation under the same roof
I understand. I'm in the exact same boat. For me the boundary was/is enforced by telling ww that I can't be your friend and all communication from here forward is strictly about the kids. A friend wouldn't lie, cheat and disrespect me like you are doing and until that changes, there's nothing more I have to offer.
Right now she may feel she doesn't want to be with you anymore, but overtime she may not be comfortable no longer having you in her life period. That loss could be the start of her reevaluating anything.
I've had to cut friends out of my life based on my values and their actions. This is no different. Sometimes those talks became a wake up call and overtime their lives changed because they wanted to and were better friends because of it.
The ones that didn't I no longer worry or wonder about.
Your call but for me the talk was more about setting the stage for what our interactions will be like moving forward and why. Without trying to make her feel guilty or being angry.
Then, just follow through on your actions. But again, it's your call. Helped me, but you'd have to see if it would for u
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
Looking forward to a weekend of kids, and trying to focus on me.
Hello Winhamn,
I'm glad to hear you're feeling OK today. I love your attitude -- looking forward to a weekend with your kids, and trying to focus on you. Perfect!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
That is a tough situation, and yes, no sense getting worked up over things out of your control.
A funny story about a client I had in your situation. I dont necessarily recommend this, but it worked out for him. He found out that "online EA partner" was flying in Friday night when she was claiming to take a girl's out weekend trip. He texted his wife that he had to work and just never came home Friday. He also told the babysitter to not watch the kids no matter what. She ended up bringing the man - who she had never met in person and who had a record - to the house and told the kids to stay in their rooms all weekend. So my client came back, but his wife wouldnt let him in. He called the cops, they came, threw OM out, and by Tuesday he had exclusive use of the home and emergency custody.
His ww, who was a long-term SAHM had to negotiate away most spousal support, the house and his pension in order to get 50-50.
I've had an incredibly tough weekend. Remembering that the OM is in town Friday through Monday...
Friday afternoon our kids had an awards assembly at school. My wife shows up in all new clothes, head to toe, very obviously dressed for going out, showing as much cleavage as she ever has. She wore almost the exact same outfit 10 years ago when she had her ONS.
She didn't work that day, but did drop the youngest off at daycare.
She tries to talk to me several times about kids stuff and I can just barely keep myself from screaming and punching her.
I am having so much trouble focusing on anything but what my wife may be doing with her EA partner, and how she's throwing our marriage away, even though it was already out the door.
We had a fundraising event as a family on Saturday morning. I was sooooooo tense leading up to it. I actually thought she might bring OM. She shows up alone, thank god. I was wound tight the entire time. Several times she tries to talk to me about just regular old stuff, and again I have to show incredible restraint not to just unload on her.
Had a pretty fun day with the kids.
This morning she picked kids up and is going to the family friends house - which is one of her connections to the OM - mutual friends. They could hang out in this context and not seem out of place.
Anyway, I'm imagining the OM being there and playing with my kids.
This [censored]. I'm so tense. I'm so sad. I'm so paniced. This morning with the kids, I had no patience.
I had a great IC session Friday, really hopeful this IC is going to make a big difference for me. But I feel like Saturday and Sunday were HUGE steps backwards.
Tonight, she's going to drop the kids off then go back to where she is staying to return Monday around noon "for an appointment". You can imagine what I'm thinking.
Me: 35 Her (WAW): 34 D8, S5, D2 T:16, M:9 BD + D: 4/3/2015 EA Confirmed 5/6/2015 Separation under the same roof
I've had an incredibly tough weekend. Remembering that the OM is in town Friday through Monday...
Hi Winhamn,
My friend, I can't even imagine how you must be feeling. Please try to stay as busy as you can. I know it's tough when you're feeling down, but you seem to be very resilient. You can do it.
I will say a prayer dedicated to you now.
Please try to keep your chin up. Things get worse before they get better.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
