Date night went well. Went to a fancy Italian restaurant which we've always wanted to try. Nice ambience and good food. Felt like the good old days when we first started dating. I was at my parent's so he came pick me up. Even held my hand while we were walking from the parking lot to the restaurant. Caught me by surprise, though I'm not sure if he did it out of habit since we've always held hands throughout our marriage. Complimented me, said I looked pretty and smelled good (I took your advice Matt!) The rest of the night we mostly talked about kids, work, politics etc..just enjoying each other's company and didn't talk about R at all. I didn't feel like bringing it up, and wasn't waiting for him to bring it up either. I've gone a long way from 11 weeks ago. Couldn't STFU before this..but now I'm not so anxious about R anymore. Later that night, he texted me to say he enjoyed my company and that we should do it again soon. I slept with a smile on my face that night! Such a different feeling from weeks back when I had trouble sleeping, and when I finally did fall asleep, would wake up sweating with heart palpitations. Not a nice feeling at all.
The next day, we took kids for C. The counsellor did a pretty good job 'extracting' info from kids about their feelings and thoughts on what was happening to the family and between mom and dad. They were pretty much confused cos they know that we're divorced yet we're still trying to work it out and dad is out of the house but we're still hanging out as a family. Can't blame them for being confused! Anyway at the end of it everyone had to rate how happy we were as a family and personally on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being thr happiest. I was pleasantly surprised that S13 had rated 8/10 for both personal and family happiness and D12 rated her happiness at 9/10 for both as well. They said they're happier now cos we're spending more time as a family and that mom and dad aren't fighting anymore. It would go up to 10/10 if mom and dad would get back together. I had put 8/10 as well. The only person who rated 6/10 was Ex-H. He says mainly cos he feels guilty for having to put the kids through this and for not spending enough time with us. That was when I realized that probably exH had his own issues that he had to resolve himself. That most likely it didn't have anything to do with me or the M. Most likely going through MLC. He did mention again that he wanted to work things out but he needed space and time. I'm willing to give him that because I've come to a point that I've accepted the D...that life will go on and I can be patient. I just hope he comes around sooner than later.
Hi Matt...been busy with work and haven't had the chance to share anything here. Things are looking up I actually feel so much better about myself since BD about 12 weeks ago.
Ex-H is very nice now, almost feels like he's back to his old self with me. More affectionate and doing stuff around the house and we hang out with kids on weekends.
We still hv the same arrangements though. I stay in our house on weekdays and he gets to stay with kids on the weekends.
During our last MC he mentioned that he is more at ease with me and can open up more now. His complain before this was I'm always critical and too opinionated. However at the back of his mind he still can't shake the feeling that it's all a facade. That remark hurt at first but I had to validate what he was feeling and accept it. He says he still needs more space and time.
As for myself, I'm no longer in a rush for us to remarry or get back together. Taking it one day at a time still..but it's moving into the right direction.
oh we did have an argument 3 days ago. He was getting annoyed with kids and me over plans for dinner. We went into a shouting match but I didn't want to go down the old road where we would yell each other's head off infront of the kids so I told him I'll talk to him when we've both calmed down. Took awhile though..but it worked. The next day when we discussed what happened (which we never did before this...usually just sweep it under the carpet), he told me that that was what he was afraid would happen again if we got back together. Told him we can't expect our R to be perfect, at least now we know what to do and how to react.
so for now we're taking it real slow, I'm just glad we're moving towards the right direction.
How's it going over on your side?I do hope and pray you're keeping well!
I am so happy to read your post. I am glad you were able to use your technique of when you are calmer we can talk about this later and actually resolve the issue.
