Running out of time

[V2pt0]

Arleen,

Sorry you are here. Looks like we are on similar timeframe. My H and I had fight on 3/13 which resulted him H saying he thinks we should D. He has since dediced that he needs space and time to make sure he is making right decision. All I have heard over the past 6 weeks is how terrible our M has been, so I understand how confusing and hurtful it is to hear your S say those things. I would try and not focus on that too much as your H is not in the most rational state right now.

There are some great people on this forum that have been here much longer than me, but they have great advice. I am still so new at this myself, so I can not offer much advice. I will say that my sitch has continued to get more confusing.

What has helped me is focusing on myself and GAL.

Hang in there!

[Arleen]

Thanks BW05...there are days when I feel that it's getting somewhere, there are days that I just want this to magically resolve and H will say he doesn't want a D and we live happily ever after. haha

[Arleen]

Just spoke to a friend and she thinks I should move out from the house so that H misses me. Maybe I should but I'm so torn...

[pilot]

Hi Arleen. As with everyone else, I am sorry you find yourself here. It is generally agreed that moving out of the marital home, especially when kids are involved, is a bad idea. Unless of course there is a danger to you or the kids. Otherwise, make HIM leave the house. I get it though how hard it is when this first starts and you are living under the same roof. He will look and act like a complete stranger to you. You will wonder where the heck did my H go?

Do not have expectation for a quick solution to this. While anything is possible, it most likely took your H a long time to get this point, so it will take a while for him to want to R with you. So drop all talk of R and spend 100% of your efforts on YOU. Dig deep on what your contribution to the M collapse may have been and work on those 180s. Be consistent, be patient, and most important, have a positive attitude around him and GAL!

Keep posting, others will chime in.

Best of luck to you...

[Arleen]

Ok thanks for the input. I really dont want to move out of the house...I'll feel bad about the kids.

I guess I gotta learn to bite my tongue everytime I feel like talking about R.

Thanks so much for your advice. Everyone here has been great. I feel so much better venting out here rather than keeping it to myself

[V2pt0]

Arleen,

I strongly recommend you stay put as long as there in n abuse. If there is, he should go.

Still living together has given my H and I a number of unplanned opportunities to reconnect that would have been much harder if we were not living together. I have the opportunity to show H changes and GAL more easily as well. Since we do not have children, reasons to connect would few and in between. I think this is what is causing him his confusion and maybe giving him pause about whether D for us right path. I think you can still find ways to make him miss you living there.

BW05

[Arleen]

Hi everyone,

Sorry I've been very quiet the last one week. Been busy trying to GAL and work. Things have been pretty good so far. Though H hasn't brought up anything about R. Kids think we're ok since we've spending a lot of time together as a family but little do they know that either one of us (me or H) will have to move out once the D is final, which is end of next week.

I'm still hopeful for sure. It's hard for me to swallow though cos things are going great right now. Part of me has accepted what's going on, but a part of me is still hoping that H would wake up one day and tell me he doesn't want to proceed with D. I don't know how he plans to tell kids about it. But I'd rather not think about too much. I'm trying to act AS IF and enjoy each day as it comes.

He's spending more time with me now, just talking about stuff, he'd sit at the dining table in the kitchen while I cook etc...we're laughing a lot more now. I can feel there's no more tension in the house like it used to be last time. So i take it as a good sign. He tries to come home from work earlier now..i can see that he's changing too. But I can't help but feel that he just wants us to have a good relationship as parents for the kids but nothing more.

I hope everything's going well with everyone else. Hope to hear from you guys

[Painter]

Arleen, I am so sorry to read about your situation, you must have been through the wringer with all of this happening in 6 weeks! You must be shell-shocked. I have never heard of such a speedy divorce before, especially with children and a 13 year marriage and no separation. I didn't know that was possible in any state or country to get a divorce in 6 weeks, except in cases of proven infidelity or abuse, and even then, the courts usually move slower than that.

I want to say, do not listen to friends about decisions like moving out, only listen to your attorney. I hope you have a good one!

I am so very sorry for you, and for the children. Have none of you talked to them about the divorce? Do they really know nothing?

[Hopeful321]

Unfortunately, where I live, once the papers are filed, they can set the day within the same week. My first divorce was just like that.

[Painter]

I was just reading up on the laws for some states... It is horrific that someone can just divorce their spouse and traumatize their children on a whim and get it finalized in 6 weeks.