WAW Filed for Divorce Next Day Pt. 3 (Bob)

[TenBook]

Don't pay the bill Bob. Do the opposite of what your first instinct tells you.

[Bob723]

All, I am so busy at work now but I had to log back in for a moment --so curious.

She had to cancel it and finally did about 1 month ago.

More to follow...

Bob

[Bob723]

Hi Wonka,

Actually, you don't have a signature, do you?

Wow...I'm spacing out the last 2 days. Sooo busy at work (better than not enough to do) and then the text that caught me a little off guard.

Maybe I'm getting you mixed up with MrBond. LOL Both of you give golden advice.

Thanks for the reminder about giving as much detail as possible. I know that from being on these boards since Christmas Day, but the reminder can't hurt. Looking back to last night, I was so tired I should've waited until today to post. I honestly meant to put a brief comment in about the AT&T bill.

Oh well, just since last night I feel so much stronger from all the support I'm getting from everyone here!

I have learned with DB'ing to "keep the road back home paved smooth" I thought about that last night, but I also wanted not seem like a doormat since W's procrastation made the bill much larger than it should be. My gut instinct was to not responfd or pay the bill. But, as TenBook pointed out, I should do the opposite of my gut instinct. TenBook, sorry if my post was confusing. I know you suggested to not pay it, thinking my gut feeling was to pay it.

I feel like that is my biggest struggle: Keeping the road back home paved smooth vs "Standing Tall and Firm" to quote Sandi.

It seems like everyone agrees with my wonderful friend Wonka.

I guess I'll be sending the text. Maybe, since it's almost 10:00 PM here, I'll wait unyil tomorrow.

Thanks All!

((((Group))))

[Bob723]

Just my take Bob , pay the bill , inform W and cancel the phone. If W has to cancel it , inform her that bill is paid and that's you finished with it.

again, just my point of view but this needs to be sorted but at the same time without the impression of being petty

You doing great Bob and remember that Rome was not built in a day,

Thanks for the support on my thread Take care mate. Rd

Hello Rd,

Thank you for the advice, support and encouragement.

It's my pleasure to try to help you as best I know how.

I've meant to check on you today. I may have to do it tomorrow.

You take care, too!

Bob

[RealMe]

Bob I wish I was in a better spot today to say something that might actually help. I really care for you and I'm sorry she responded so coldly.

That's our challenge right? We have to make this completely about us, and not about the W's. Of course you wish she would have responded differently- but speaking in terms of your journey- your reaction was the result of a lot of hard work, and it came almost effortlessly. It's like when you're learning a new language, and one day- almost without realizing it, instead of translating in your head, you actually think in that language.

[Bob723]

Bob I wish I was in a better spot today to say something that might actually help. I really care for you and I'm sorry she responded so coldly.

Hey RealMe,

Taking the time out of what sounds like wasn't a good day for you does help!

I can tell you really care about me and others on this forum.

You are right on with this: "We have to make this completely about us, and not about the W's."

Hang tight my friend. I wish you well and that you have a better day tomorrow. I'll check in with you sometime tomorrow.

Your friend,

Bob

[Smothy]

It's hard not to check. It's good to see that the phone is switched off rather than deliberately ignoring you.

Sometimes that gives me a bit of hope that they just haven't seen the message rather not responding. I keep telling my self, have no expectations, if they do not reply I am not so disappointed. I returned my H text, it wasn't something he needed to respond to and he hasn't but I was ok with it. Another baby step.

[Bob723]

It's hard not to check. It's good to see that the phone is switched off rather than deliberately ignoring you.

Sometimes that gives me a bit of hope that they just haven't seen the message rather not responding. I keep telling my self, have no expectations, if they do not reply I am not so disappointed. I returned my H text, it wasn't something he needed to respond to and he hasn't but I was ok with it. Another baby step.

[Bob723]

Hello Smothy,

I am responding from my phone and accidentally must've hit the submit button in my last post. Yes, It's hard not to check.

I'm happy to hear that even though your husband didn't respond, you are ok with it. Another baby step Indeed.

I think you were handling things better than in the beginning,

Thank you for checking in with me in the encouragement.

(((Smothy)))

[Bob723]

Cadet,

You beat me here! Yeah, I was thinking along the same lines as you did.

Bob,

It is so so important to give out as much detail here as you can because we all go by with what people write here. I'm glad you came back with some additional information. With that in mind, please disregard my suggested response.

Hello Wonka!

So, what should I do? Completely disregard my W's text: "Bob - you need to call AT&T and pay the rest of the bill."

It was cancelled by her, about 5 months after I, and my lawyer mentioned to her lawyer, that she cancel it. She's not living here anymore (so sad) and I didn't want the line or use it. I believe the bill is $250.00 or more. I'd pay it gladly if she took it as an act of love or if this was on me. Who knows, maybe she will take it as an act of love? But, going by her actions the past 6 months, I don't feel she will. Am I mindreading??

Again, I want to keep the road home paved smoothly, yet not seem like a doormat.

Could letting her know I'll take care of the bill spark any emotional connection?

I'll close with this for now. When you are in the midst of a situation like separation or divorce, you tend to think there are few choices available to you. In reality there are a million choices available to you, and the choices you make will ultimately be those that have an effect on both your immediate and your future actions.

Having written that, what should I choose to do? I can't see the forest thru the trees.

Thank you and God bless you all for your continued support.

Bob