Back in August my Husband found out the money he gave me to pay my taxes back in 2009 went elsewhere. The money he gave me was from a settlement he got when his brother was hit by a car. I'd forgotten about it, and it came back to bite me in the butt.
I apologized profusely, I paid part of my taxes, but not all of it. I really could not remember, and it took a while, but I found all of my documents and admitted I screwed up. He wasn't close to his brother, but I knew he felt betrayed.
The damage was done, and he started picking me apart, and began an all out assault on my character.
In November we had a nasty argument.
I had been extremely stressed out, and depressed about my job, I was working to try to make a name for myself at anew company, and the hours were terrible because no one else would do the work. He had been working hard too, and things had been difficult, because we weren’t seeing each other, and I was exhausted. He accused me of withholding sex, and because of the tax issue - he didn't trust me anymore.
The argument made him so angry he wanted to hit me. He didn't.
Just before this argument his best friend was killed violently by police, in an argument because of his girlfriend, and her new boyfriend.
He told me that because of how angry I made him, we weren't supposed to be together. People who were meant to be together don’t argue that way. He felt nothing for me - every argument ripped a way a piece of his heart, and normally it came back, and he could feel for me again - but now there was nothing in his heart for me. I told him I could not believe he could just stop loving me. That things were difficult, but we could get through it together.
At first he said he would look for a therapist - but weeks went by, and nothing. He would treat me like crap, and insult me.
He brought up old boyfriends, incidents that he said he'd gotten over, the fact that I could never take a compliment, and I don't think I'm pretty became an issue (everyone I know including him knows that about me), he even blamed the fact that I like having sex in the morning (like 5AM) meant that we were incompatible.
He stopped wearing his wedding ring because he said it physically hurt to wear it
I asked if it was because one of his close friends, a woman (who we went to therapy for because I thought they were a little too close) - was about to possibly get engaged to her boyfriend.
He said no - of course - but she did get not engaged.
We have been together intimately recently, and there have been moments, but he has not decided to reconcile.
He recently hung out with his group of girl friends from his job, and was very distant.
Shielding his phone when I walk by.
He has lied to me about what he was doing on his phone (I know I should have just let it go), and lashed out calling me profane names, and just being generally disrespectful, and nasty.
I was laid off in January. I have no place to move to. I have no money to move, and I am in school.
He hasn’t filed for divorce yet, but I expect any day now he will.
He keeps saying it will be “no fault”, and I should not contest it because it is all my fault. 100% my fault.
I am at my wits end, looking for work scrambling to hold onto a little piece of my dignity. Worrying what people at his job think of me, his circle of girlfriends.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
I have been GALing, I was actually doing that before I ever got to this site. Mainly meetups, the gym, and school. It helps that I was always a gym rat. Since the lying incident in March - (he was hiding his phone from me, and then lied about it). I have been keeping my distance, and had been okay, but the past two days have been really rough. Yesterday I cried all day, and had all kinds of scenarios dancing in my head. My hormones, I know, play a part, especially since my cycle was in full swing.
My cycle had always caused H to feel hormonal as well, and we used to laugh about how, when my PMS was mild, he would have all of my symptoms.
Sure enough I recalled earlier this week, he has left the door to the bedroom open even though the living room, where I hang out when I am at home, had the TV on. He has been texting me when he is on his way home, and the status of the dog walks if I am at school.
We still share the bedroom, which is the strangest part of all of this, and when I tried to sleep last night tears just started to silently roll down my face.
I wanted to kiss him, and hold him like I used to, and the pain of not doing so was so unbearable that I couldn't sleep.
I left the bedroom, and moved to the couch - immediately, I fell asleep.
He hasn't filed yet, but I feel like the day he does I will not be able to handle it.
I am worried he is seeing someone new, and I am an idiot for not snooping. I want to hire private investigators. Show up at his job - wearing a disguise. I want to pack up my things, and have a moving truck on standby. I fantasize about winning the lottery - and disappearing - without a trace.
I can't stand to look at him in his eye, and I physically recoil if I think he is going to touch me, or come near me.
I feel crazy.
Want to go dark, and wait for the papers.
W/41 H/42 Married: 2yrs 6months Together: 11yrs 11/21/14 - Argument H didn't let go 1/23/15 - Asks for Divorce 0 - kids 2 dogs
