Starting a new thread this morning because I believe the old one is about to cap out. I'd like to begin by thanking all the wonderful people I've met on this forum specifically Vanilla, mahhhty, Mozza, sandi2, Mr. Bond, Wonka, and anyone else I may have missed. You're all so great and your support has been amazing.
As for the last post, I want to clarify that I do not believe what I said on FB was vengeful or negative in any way, just an announcement that we are no longer together and thanking my friends and family for being there for me. The only mention of STBXW is that "We are no longer together and have not been since November." That said, I have deleted the post at the advice of Vanilla and Mr. Bond.
- lonelyship
"Anything less than a man's best effort cheats himself! Demeans him! Spoils him! Ruins him! Cheapens him!" - Emerson
Last edited by lnlyshp; 01/16/1503:39 PM.
Me 23, Her 21 1S 2 M <1yr, T 7 WAW: She moved out 11/15/2014 She started D process 1/29/15
I'm flattered to be in your list, lnlyshp. I too am impressed with a 22 yo who's willing to work on himself and his M. Like an early investor, you're the one with the most to gain among us because you still have some 60 years ahead of you. Whether it's to your W or another girl, you'll have the DB tools to be a man only a fool would leave. I really, really wish I had that when I was your age. Today, I'd be in a much better situation. If anything can be learned from my experience is that one needs tools, beyond raw will, to really change. Good luck.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Very tough couple of days for me. I thought things were looking up for a while there, everything came crashing down today. S was with his mother last night and today was our day to switch. Last night, I popped a tire on the way home. I had a spare but no jack, so I called a cab and got home. However, I had to ask STBX to pick me up in the morning and drop S and I off at family members house so I could retrieve the jack, get he and I to where the car broke down and change the tire. She helped me out with the ride and everything went fine.
I changed the tire, which I realized had popped in front of a church. I have never been religious, but who knows? Maybe that was a sign from a higher power. Not sure I believe in that kind of thing - but maybe it wouldn't be the worst thing to go check it out sometime. Could help with GAL.
Me and little man get home and watch football and eat and all that and I start noticing the kid keeps scratching his head. I give him a bath to no avail. Finally someone recommends I check for lice - turns out he's got em. Thanks to help from family I was able to comb through his hair and get his medication on his hair.
Called STBX to explain the situation and tell her that all at her mothers house should check themselves as well. During the greeting, when I asked what she was up to, she explained that she was with a friend - which I figure to be a male friend because she always says the names of her girlfriends when they're out. I have been willfully ignorant of her dating life but it seems pretty obvious she is seeing someone else. I can't be too upset considering I was growing emotionally attached to my friend. It's just a really painful thing to discover.
Speaking of my friend, things with her are over. We were seeing each other frequently, but not dating. Just wasn't meant to work out and I think I was trying to fill the void left when STBX leaving me. I did care for her though and I am feeling down that I got my hopes up.
During call with STBX, I broke down a little bit. I was upset that she was off with someone else, that I no longer had my friend to console me, and that little man had lice. Of course, I only told her I felt like I wasn't taking good care of him and not about my jealousy or my friend.
I miss my family. I miss having her in my corner when I just couldn't deal with it all. I miss having her hold me on nights like this and the way she would rub my hair and comfort me. I am sad that I won't ever have that again.
Me 23, Her 21 1S 2 M <1yr, T 7 WAW: She moved out 11/15/2014 She started D process 1/29/15
I'm sorry to hear you think she is seeing someone. It's a thin clue, but you know her best. Anyway, it is probably likely, as with almost every sitch here. By the way, it's probably hurtful even for WAS to discover that their loved one also found someone new. It's human nature, I guess, to hoard partner and not share them. It's even harder when, like us, we never meant to share.
Overall, it sounds like you've faced a lot of adversity with grace this week-end. Well done.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
"I want to clarify that I do not believe what I said on FB was vengeful or negative in any way, just an announcement that we are no longer together and thanking my friends and family for being there for me. "
It's not the message. It's that you pretty much aired out all of your dirty laundry to friends and family who didn't know what was going on. Regardless of what you said, they will be asking you what happened and if you don't tell them, they will assume that your W cheated on you or something else bad and see her in a negative light.
Do you think she would really want to go back to you when all of your friends and family believe she's bad? That's how she's going to feel.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
It's not the message. It's that you pretty much aired out all of your dirty laundry to friends and family who didn't know what was going on. Regardless of what you said, they will be asking you what happened and if you don't tell them, they will assume that your W cheated on you or something else bad and see her in a negative light.
Perhaps you're right and I shouldn't have posted it. But nobody has asked me what happened, instead just told me that they are there if I needed to talk. I feel like it was either update as I did and clarify it on my own, or wait for her to do it and then get flooded with questions when she eventually does.
Quote:
Do you think she would really want to go back to you when all of your friends and family believe she's bad? That's how she's going to feel.
This part I understand. Certainly I don't want to make it harder for her to come back should she choose to (which is why, at your advice, I deleted the post) - but at the same time, I don't want to continue to live in this fantasy world believing that she might come back and keeping everything the same in the hopes that she does. This update was for me and for my life - which fell in line with what I understood DB to be.
Me 23, Her 21 1S 2 M <1yr, T 7 WAW: She moved out 11/15/2014 She started D process 1/29/15
Do fret too much about the post, it's down good for you. Nothing for others to hang on to, they would need a good memory.
MrB is sound on his advice.
I for one would encourage you to explore and post on others threads, you will find you learn as much by posting to others as they posting to you. a second thread is a milestone.
You are doing well Ins.
I am minded about a conversation between H grandD5 and her friends, they were talking about germs and bugs, then girl5 says we had nits and gd5 says we had worms! So there beat that girl5. V
Last edited by Vanilla; 01/20/1512:53 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Yes, MrB, I have read DR. Some parts stayed with me more than others.
Vanilla, glad to see you found my new thread. I will certainly attempt to post more in the threads of others, but I often feel uncomfortable giving advice to those older than me in a subject I don't feel I'm doing very well at. Can you explain why this reminds you of that conversation? I'm not sure I follow. Am I one of the girls comparing bugs?
Me 23, Her 21 1S 2 M <1yr, T 7 WAW: She moved out 11/15/2014 She started D process 1/29/15
