Trying to save (not sure if broken or bent) p3

[SemperFi00]

Thanks for the comment Wet - and the gentle 2x4!

I usually have no problem (other areas other than W) with direct and find that it often works best.

I guess I was just trying not to throw the D in her face knowing that she really wants the new vehicle. Hmmm - maybe her reaction to that is part of letting her feel the impact of decisions she is making / has made?????

I think the lack of directness from me (especially in areas where she is likely to be disappointed) has been present before and is something I should look at more deeply. In those types of circumstances tend to feel like I have failed in some way or let her down..... interesting.......

[labug]

I agree with Wet.

You also worried a lot about the D papers when just asking a direct question would have given you an answer.

Dbing doesn't mean you never ask a question, especially when not asking could have serious impact on your life.

What's the fear that's holding you back?

[labug]

Glad you're feeling better.

[SemperFi00]

almost back to normal labug......

fear of the actual D I guess??? but not sure - there are certainly things about being D that would be better than the limbo space I have been in.

fear of being a failure at M??? wasn't perfect but certainly not the one wanting to end things at this point

fear of what it will mean for Ss and the example it is setting for how they should approach life???

fear of not having someone to share my life with???

these are few that come to mind quickly. will try to catch up more later tonight.

[SemperFi00]

good morning all.

adding fear of the unknown to the list from last night as a possibility??

Not sure if that's it or not though. Fear is not usually a big part of my life (military background - time spent overseas, parasailing, career changes b/w industries & companies, swimming with sharks, snowboarding, etc.....).

The family loyalty and commitment aspect is huge to me. And I guess the fear of being viewed as a failure in this area???

[SemperFi00]

ok - could use a little help.

just got a text from W stating that she was not planning on have her L @ 1st mediation session tomorrow and asking if I was going to. Also asking if we could meet after work.

Thoughts on response?

[SemperFi00]

was thinking of something like.

"sure, we can meet without them and I think it's a good idea to meet after work."

if nothing else, I think that I could always leave the mediation session saying that I want my attorney to review things before signing or agreeing to anything.

@ least I think that's how this works - really have no experience though so flying a little blind.

any help/thoughts/suggestions??

[SemperFi00]

I think I can meet with her tonight with no expectations that she has changed her mind but if this is an ever so slight "thawing" - maybe it is an opportunity to listen to her and show her that I am different??

or does that approach not align at all with DB'ing? very confused (and reacting emotionally) at the moment...............

[SemperFi00]

W texted me and now wants to just talk later tonight at home.

S16 failed driving part of license test today and she feels like he is very upset and she would rather be at home with. We both hate it for him and are very sad for him about it.... In the grand scheme of things I know it's not huge and he will be fine but I understand to a 16 year it's huge!

In discussion w/T here is what we have come up with for conversation if it can be worked in.....

"We have had a couple of mentions about lately about getting to know each other and who we have become and both wanting a good R moving forward. I am still very interested in this and I think we can do better. I will go through this process with you but maybe we can find a way to give ourselves some time to see how things work out.

My focus will be on protecting my time with the kids and myself financially - because that's what is important to me and who I want to be."

Thoughts/comments?

[SemperFi00]

so no discussion ended up taking place last night. W was tired and went to bed early.

while in the shower she asked if I wanted to meet for lunch today before the mediation session. not sure why she wants to do that but I guess there is no harm in grabbing a bite to eat. if nothing else gives me the opportunity to be more open and show her that I do have emotion and that we can connect.

interesting also this morning that as we were going through the normal morning routine with the kids she kind of half jokingly said "remind me again why we had kids?" a littel bit later I responded with "I guess we had kids so that we could always have our own private circus. never a dull moment"