There is no such thing as can't. You, and only you, have control over making the decision to stop. Coming here and posting is a good way to get your mind off of it. Find something else to do when you get the itch to snoop. There is no magic cure for the snooping except determination to stop.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You are right but it's so hard! I've been doing better this week. But I'm having a hard time being "friendly" and "pleasant" to him when he's around. I can barely look at him after finding out he was on a date this last weekend. I've gone completely dark except with necessary matters of our daughters and have cut out anything more then bare minimum responses. How do I be pleasant. I'm really struggling letting go of the anger and hate right now. Do I just keep doing what I'm doing till the anger dies down and I can be more friendly and pleasant towards him? I am still continuing on with GAL. That hasn't changed. Have plans to go out Saturday night for drinks and dancing with my girlfriends! Thanks job for the mentoring. You have no idea how much it means!
M:32 H: 40 D1: 3 D2: 9 months old Bomb dropped: 2/4/14 (I was 7 month preg) Moved out: 11/15/14 OW confirmed and supposedly dumped 1/15
There are going to be days when you just need to distance yourself. You can be civil towards him, but that doesn't mean you have to be overly friendly. Look at him as the mailman. You are civil/courteous towards him, treat your h the same way. Keep your contact w/him to emergencies and your children.
You do realize that you are going through stages very similar to the MLCer? The stages are part of the grieving process. You've get through the anger when you are ready to let it go. Find things to take that anger out on, i.e., beat the pillows, join a gym, walking, gardening, anything that will help you release that anger. The anger is normal and it takes time to get through the process.
Hang in there!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
So I've been procrastinating long enough about talking to H about our plans to move out of state next summer. My sister and I are planning to book tickets this week to go check out a couple states but I feel I cannot waste the $ on plane tickets if I haven't discussed his commitment to moving with. He said a couple months ago he still would go where ever we went to be near our girls but that was before he moved out. I cannot take my girls away from him in good conscious. So if he says he won't move then we'd have to recalculate a plan of action to move from where we are. We are now in An area that was a temporary move for both our careers and 5 years was our limit. It's a trash filled area and we are both in agreeance this is not where we want to be when our daughters start school.
I've been pretty successful at going dark this week so I'm afraid initiating this convo will nul that for me. Omg I hate this so much! This is not the life I chose!
M:32 H: 40 D1: 3 D2: 9 months old Bomb dropped: 2/4/14 (I was 7 month preg) Moved out: 11/15/14 OW confirmed and supposedly dumped 1/15
The convo went well. I kept it relevant to the necessary topic needed to be discussed. In a way it's helped move forward with letting go a little more. I'm realizing that this (or something drastically similar) had to happen in his life because of the demons he's always struggled. That is helping me to let it be and continue in my journey. I know that regardless of the outcome the way he was living his life was not what I wanted. He struggled with these demons his whole life. They've just finally cuaught up. IIIIIIIIIF we ever reconcile I know it will be amazing and if we don't I know I'll be happier then if I were in the R with the old H. If that makes sense?
Wanna hear something funny. He broke his foot! Well a stress fracture Hahahaha karma! He's got a huge boot and crutches for 4-6 weeks. I wonder if that I'd going to throw his depression into overdrive!?
M:32 H: 40 D1: 3 D2: 9 months old Bomb dropped: 2/4/14 (I was 7 month preg) Moved out: 11/15/14 OW confirmed and supposedly dumped 1/15
I'm glad the convo went well and now you can breathe a bit. As for the broken foot, he's going to be looking for attention and someone to feel sorry for him. Is he still able to drive?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yes he can still drive. And I had a bad day just when I was feeling strong my mother in law got to me. Ugh I know I should have refrained talking to her. Which then brought up talk about us and stuff like that. I feel like I lack so much self control. I know as I'm sending a text or something I shouldn't but I can't stop myself. Tomorrow's a new day right. Back to my objectives and goals!
So I should just pretty much ignore the foot huh lol
M:32 H: 40 D1: 3 D2: 9 months old Bomb dropped: 2/4/14 (I was 7 month preg) Moved out: 11/15/14 OW confirmed and supposedly dumped 1/15
One step forward, two steps back. That's the way it usually goes until you get the hang of things. Don't discuss your situation with your mother in law. Blood is thicker than water and she'll always take her baby boy's side, even if he lies, cheats or steals.
As for his foot, that's up to you if you want to wait on him and feel sorry for him.
As Scarlett said "tomorrow's another day".
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job thank you for being here for me. I appreciate it. And yes I never meant to say anything to that woman but she antagonized me and I took it personal. This year in my journey of self discovery a huge lesson I've learned is to not take things personally. But dam she got my buttons! And him... Welllll you're right 2 steps back. Ugh... And we spent the evening with out toddler decorating the tree. We kept It toddler centered but I just want my family. I hate this
M:32 H: 40 D1: 3 D2: 9 months old Bomb dropped: 2/4/14 (I was 7 month preg) Moved out: 11/15/14 OW confirmed and supposedly dumped 1/15
I do understand how the in-laws can get under your skin when it comes to the situation that you or anyone else is in right now. They don't understand MLC and they certainly don't want to think that their babies were the culprits. So, you've told her what was on your mind, now you'll need to find a way to zip it and not discuss your situation w/her any further. If she brings it up again, you can say nicely "mother in law, I would prefer to keep this matter between my h and me". Then change the subject to your toddler or the weather or something else.
Don't sell yourself short, this is a difficult path to follow and I think you are doing well. It takes time to climb that mountain and you'll get there. The holidays tend to be a bit rough, but they'll be over very soon and everything will be back to normal in the world once again.
Hang in there!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
just when I was feeling strong my mother in law got to me. Ugh I know I should have refrained talking to her. Which then brought up talk about us and stuff like that. I feel like I lack so much self control. I know as I'm sending a text or something I shouldn't but I can't stop myself. Tomorrow's a new day right. Back to my objectives and goals!