Catching up on your sitch. Wow! What a turn of events in the last week. I am so impressed by the way you handled everything and are staying true to yourself.
I totally get the "Falling Down" reference. H and I used to joke about that movie and having one of "those" days that go from bad to worse too.
You are doing so well. Remember Sandi2's last of the 37 rules: "37. Do not backslide from your hard earned changes." You have come so far. Don't let this turn of events cause you to backslide if you can.
Count me as another one rooting for you!
Me- 40 H- 41 S8, D5, S4 M 19 y T 23 Bomb drop 6/2013 H asked for/filed for D 9/2014 22 yo OW discovered 9/19/14 they're engaged and living together
Oh my gosh, ft. Thank you for the reminder. I need to go back and read that list.
I am really struggling right now. My mind and emotions are literally flip/flopping from one extreme to the other.
A few things that xh said, like she doesn't understand why I don't like her. He admitted to her texting him when we were "good". And said he didn't sleep w her until he left, but I reminded him of when I did a little research when he didn't come home one night (he talked me off at the time- one of those hindsight things). I told him it's ok, I know and I've accepted it. He admitted.
She thinks I shouldn't be mad bc we were seperated when she got pregnant. Uh... Duh... He was still my husband- just seperated and you were pursuing him LONG before that.
For Christmas last yr, I had gotten him UFC tickets & plane tickets and rented a hotel. I am never able to pull surprises off, but apparently he was preoccupied. He moved out dec 1st. But he was excited about it and said we will go. It was on jan 25. The week before texted me that he had the time off & seemed excited.
Then he got a promotion & was excited & said I would go w him on some of his travels. He went out of town right b4 our UFC trip. Texted me the day before and said he's not going and we need to proceed with our seperation and divide things up. The next day, the day when we would have left, he called and said we should have gone. Then came over and we all went to the movies & had pizza.
That's bc hww's x stayed w her on the weekends (he live ~2-3 hrs away), so xh would be around.... But SHE didn't want my husband to go with me, his wife. Same thing went down with her and our family vaca I feb. A trip we planned forever to Puerto Rico. It was booked last sept. ****hwws house w her x, which they bought 8 months prior, was listed on the market that Monday after xh & I were to go. Think there was some, "I'm selling g my house for you, you better not go!" Nonsense?!
Uh, yeah b!tch, that's why I don't like you.
Clearly, seperated or not, she had a say in MY marriage. And he let her. He admits it was wrong. For her to not get it is flabbergasting. Ok, so she will never get it.
That vent is over.
But I am going from here to there. I can't focus on anything. I can't even read others' threads, read a book, watch tv.
I just want to have a good cry, but d13 is in bed next to me still sick, the poor babe.
I've got to leave in 5 hrs for my surgery. My eyes are burning, but my brain is on high alert. This stinks.
I've been holding out a little. Someone who is very close w xh & I confided in me a few nights ago. They said xh has been opening up a lot the past few weeks. This person acknowledged that this never happens as xh is a clam when it comes to that. Apparently it has been many, many conversations where xh is allowed to freely talk & let it out. Now, this person didn't want to say too much, but felt I had a right to know since everything has been so hurtful & confusing.
I was told xh has been extremely unhappy. Was ready to leave after baby (must be he couldn't wait that long). That he made the biggest mistake of his life and just wants his family back. This next part is very fuzzy in my brain bc I have a hard time believing it. I have so many self protective sensors now, I think that's why I haven't acknowledged this internally or externally. In Fact the words are blurry & I don't remember exactly. Xh said he does not know if I'd ever take him back but he would do whatever it takes to make it right. Ok, the first part I'm clear. The second, I'm pretty sure & I remember saying that it was hard to believe bc he never really gave to our r. I do t want that to diminish out r, but he was the distancer and taker. Not the giver. So it's hard to imagine him fighting for me. On many levels, also, bc I don't see it. I did a little the night he hugged me, and a little at the banquet. I know he has a lot right now.
Xh said that I have always had his back no matter what. Whether he was right or wrong. That he misses his family and just wants it back. To me, xhhas said some of these things and implied some.... I don't know.
Just thought I'd get it out.
Oh boy, clocks ticking. Yuck... Not looking forward to Surg. Blah...
I can't imagine all the emotions that must be going through you right now. Seeing the "old" H that you loved so and not knowing what will happen with him and your R must be so confusing to put it mildly. Add the issues with S17 and your surgery and you are bound to be an emotional wreck (or at least I'm sure I would be). Can you sit for a moment and pray? Maybe take a minute to just "Be still and know that I am God" (my new iphone case has this reminder for me as I tend to try to control and fix things myself) and know that God has you and your entire family and even XH and the new baby on the way in His very capable hands. I find that when my mind is really going crazy if I just stop and pray for a minute I can often refocus or it can keep me from doing something I shouldn't. I just did this today when I had the urge and opportunity to snoop on H and OW and I was so proud that I overcame that temptation.
Sending hugs and prayers out to you today Mighty. Praying for an easy surgery and a quick and uneventful recovery for you. And some peace, you could use a few peaceful days.
Me- 40 H- 41 S8, D5, S4 M 19 y T 23 Bomb drop 6/2013 H asked for/filed for D 9/2014 22 yo OW discovered 9/19/14 they're engaged and living together
