The END Hopefully they live happily ever after....

[DFE]

mahhhty,
You are absolutely correct and I recognize that in myself. I know that I have allowed him to disrespect me over and over again and it has become normal. I have so far resisted the urge to contact him. It infuriates me that he walks around with a chip on his shoulder acting like I disrespected him and that he tried to be my friend but that I pushed him over the edge. I created this man child. He is pouting like my kids do.

I know I need to take it easy and take care of myself. I haven't left the house since Sunday, I have major anxiety, and my left shoulder and arm hurt. I know this man is NOT worth my stress or anxiety. I have two kids and I can't get myself sick. Every time I get better he seems to come right back in and mess my head up again.

[mahhhty]

I hear you. My face goes red and I can feel ever vein in my body pulsing. Controlling that is very important. I just read a post about someone who practices their reactions to those situations in the mirror.

Tackle each issue and work them until you can control it. You can take anxiety meds, practice yoga or meditation. There are solutions to every problem. Becoming proficient in finding solutions that work for you is a great characteristic.

[mahhhty]

DFE What are your weekend plans?

[DFE]

Mahhhty-
I'm going on a boat for a friends birthday. It will be a fun day. I'm looking forward to getting out.

How about you? Hopefully you are getting out too!!!

[DFE]

I took your advice Cadet and Mahhhty and didn't contact my ex. It was hard but I resisted and I am not as angry anymore. I am still full of anxiety but working on getting help. It seems everyone you talk to has a different opinion.

I saw a new therapist today. I told her how hard co-parenting is when your ex won't speak to you. Now he isn't taking them to their activities and I can't say anything because we don't speak.

She asked what would be ideal for me and I said to have my family back together. To have my H back but in a healthy healed relationship. She said then why don't you ask for it? I told her he would think I am crazy. I wouldn't even know what to say and honestly all I want right now is to work on our friendship. I don't know if I can get past the hurt. She said what do you have to lose. All he can say is NO!!!! Isn't that bad enough?

Thoughts? Words of wisdom? I know him. He is fuming right now because he thinks I have done him wrong in some way. Until he calms down we will continue like this and it isn't in the best interest of our kids. I am just lost and confused. Just when I thought I was getting help she put another thought in my head.

[DFE]

Just for clarification I'm not thinking of contacting him and asking him to work on getting back together. I just want to contact him to open the lines of communication for our kids sake. I don't see how you can go no contact when you have kids.

[DFE]

I have been holding my ex H in higher regard than he deserves. All this time I have been telling everyone what a great person he is only to find out that man doesn't exist. Anyone know what I mean? I don't know how I painted this picture of him in my head. That man is gone or did he ever exist.

Our son had a rough day and I emailed him saying we need to talk. We need to learn to co-parent. We met and I wish we hadn't. We cleared the air which was great but I should know better than to think he has changed or is worthy of any of us. He tells me about the girls at the bar he talks to. Then he how he moved on 2 year ago even though we were married. Go to HELL.

It all ended in a big argument because I finally told him that I found a replacement for him at work. Well the little baby didn't like that I took his letter of resignation seriously. Unfortunately our kids were witness to it all but I think this is what I needed to realize he is on a different vibrational level than I am. I just hope that epiphany lasts forever.....

Anyone know what I mean? Maybe he was never that person I thought......

[mahhhty]

DFE - That sounds rough. I responded to some of your stuff inline.

"I have been holding my ex H in higher regard than he deserves. All this time I have been telling everyone what a great person he is only to find out that man doesn't exist. Anyone know what I mean? I don't know how I painted this picture of him in my head. That man is gone or did he ever exist."

Yes this happens often, but you should remember that the person you married is not the person he is now. You married him because of his best qualities, now you are in a stressful situation which brings out the worst. Try not to think about it as an all or nothing scenario. He can have good moments and bad, like anyone else.

"Our son had a rough day and I emailed him saying we need to talk. We need to learn to co-parent. We met and I wish we hadn't."

Remember sometimes the best thing to do is not meet or not pick up the phone or not return the text.

"He tells me about the girls at the bar he talks to. Then he how he moved on 2 year ago even though we were married. Go to HELL."

I believe this is a mechanism to try and re-establish some self worth, via making you jealous.

"It all ended in a big argument because I finally told him that I found a replacement for him at work. Well the little baby didn't like that I took his letter of resignation seriously. Unfortunately our kids were witness to it all but I think this is what I needed to realize he is on a different vibrational level than I am. I just hope that epiphany lasts forever....."

You need to reevaluate how you interact with your X. You shouldn't argue in front of the kids. You probably know this, but it is very important that you be the bigger person when those moments arise. With interactions between you and the X, ask yourself.... 1 - How is this impacting the kids? 2 - How is what you are doing helping you get what you want?

[DFE]

Mahhhty - Thanks for the advice. You are right. I know that person I married is somewhere deep inside but he is on his own journey of self discovery. He has lots of anger towards me but I don't think it's all about me.

I have stopped responding to his emails or texts unless it relates to the kids and their schedule. He text me out of nowhere last night to tell me a storm was coming and if we were ok. I didn't respond. I'm thinking to myself we are alone every single day. All of a sudden you are concerned about some rain???

He took the boys on vacation today for the entire week. I was devastated at first when I heard they would go. They just left and I am holding my head high and will not cry. I am going to keep myself busy until later in the week when I go out of town on a business trip. It does hurt to know that my family went away without me. I want so bad to be a part of that trip but I also know this is my new reality and the sooner I accept it the easier it will get.

[mahhhty]

DFE... I was wondering when you would be back. Your H taking the boys on vacation is a good thing. It shows responsibility and the want to have meaningful time with the boys. The kids will always be a bond between you and him. It is important that you nurture that bond. Grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence, it is greener where you water it.

You should only respond to him as is required for the kids (as a general rule). But don't forget to do a little dancing with him. First implement LRT and talk rarely and see where that takes you with him (does he reach out more, or less, etc). Then start altering your interactions one by one to test for desirable results.

However, with all that being said... you will need to always take the high road when arguments start. Do not backslide, thats old brain thinking which he will be probing for.