Do I walk away from WAW? (3)

[1foot2]

Still rolling along here. Asked W to chip in some cash for rent and bills, and she asked her mom for it. Today while texting about the logistics of me getting money from her mom (ugh I hate this), W texts me that she's just checked her bank acct and has overdrawn by $140. I have nothing to even say at this point. It's like she's just skidding from crisis to crisis.

Yesterday I picked up the boys from their short day of school. Ws BFF was there and we made plans to get our kids together after school. We had our usual interaction, she complimented me a lot on being there for the family, asked me a lot of questions about W and about our plans - holidays, moving out, etc, which I largely deflected. As it was getting time for W to be home, bff says she has a text from W that she's had a brutal day of fighting with Her boss (her boss seems pretty intense, but from what I've witnessed W has blown off a lot of things at work lately), and a bunch more very sad sounding stuff. When W walks in the door, she looks upset, crying. Without thinking I just bolted to her and gave her a firm hug. A comforting but rather than a romantic hug. She thanked me. Then I excused myself to go over to see some friends and watch the football game.

It's so strange, feeling so hurt, detached, indifferent, angry towards my W, but still when I see her in pain, I have to do something for her. Luckily it was just a brief display of support before I got th heck out of there.

Today w texted that I had thrown out some of her carrots when I cleaned out the fridge yesterday. They were purple carrots, which I didnt know existed, so I looked at them and thought they had rotted. on the way home I stopped and bought a single carrot, and handed it to her when I got in. She thanked me and hugged me.

Now she's gone. Still don't white know how I can feel myself movng farther away from this person. The truth is, I don't quite like what she's become.

[Complex]

Hey 1foot2.
Reading thought your posts it seems like you are still very attached to your wife and marriage.
What she is doing is so immature. Your kids will long term suffer from this. And so will you. I know you want that marriage back somehow and want to turn her around but seriously. You should immensely detach, man up and put your foot down. Eveb tho you are married, you can NOT tolerate her behaviour. She's using your money to have an A racking up unpaid parking tickets.
You have to create some boundaries and get away from this.
I know you got kids which makes everything 10 times harder but something needs to happen. Your situation is unacceptable! sorry if I sound negative, you're probably an awesome guy just trying to do things right but I think it's time to take care of yourself and the kids and drop her, she needs to realize what she's doing here. And she never will if you keep catering to her a single bit.

You can do this! Don't let yourself and the kids down. find happiness in yourself and your actions!!

[1foot2]

Back from a long hiatus. December was very busy, mainly in good ways. The holidays went off pretty well. Her family was here and acted like nothing was going on. Then my parents came, which was largely fine except for a little tension. They wanted to confront her and have a talk but didn't.

There hasn't been much change in our sitch. Her stated claim is that she wants to move out, but she still doesn't have a way to. Today she texted me at work saying she had plans. I told her I had a DJ gig. She got upset, and I told her that I was sorry for forgetting to tell her but that I need to pick up as many gigs as I can to pay for everything. That's when she dropped a bomb: her plans tonight involved doing "dominatrix work", which she said is her new plan to come up with the cash to move out. No other details were given. If I wasn't already crushed flat I'd be crushed. Anyone have insight on this? I talked with my best friend and he said to get more information about her safety without judging her.

Two weeks ago I was tidying up and picked up her coat and a bottle of prescription abortion tablets fell out, in her friends name. As far as I can tell she has not had a period since October.

Just worn out with this and needing to move on. Emotions are drained.

[1foot2]

Just sorting through my feelings on the "dominatrix work" as it is still a very raw revelation. Of course the first feeling is revulsion at imagining the scenario, which I obviously just need to stop doing. My friend cautioned that I shouldn't see it as something she is necessarily doing out of desperation, and if it's going to help her get out of the house then I should support it. But I have so many questions, about the logistics and the safety and of course what it REALLY is (is it really possible for this to not involve sex? I have no idea), and it's hard to separate my emotions from that, or figure out what I actually want/need to know.

It also begs the question: if she is truly doing this in order to move out, do I just have to wait and deal with my w leaving the house to do sex work for some period of time before she moves out? I am just at my limit, and Ive stepped back from her so much that I feel like I have no control. Someone please put me in my place. Ugh no pun intended.

[1foot2]

Well, w came home right before I had to leave for my gig. She gave me a sheepish look and I told her that I was unsure what exactly I wanted to know about this plan, but that I had a lot of concerns for her safety, mainly because I didn't really know what it truly was. She seemed to overreact to my concern, telling me that I had nothing to worry about, that lots of women do this, and it's totally normal. She mentioned a former roommate of mine I lived with when we first started dating who did peep shows for money. She said "it's not prostitution" and said it didn't even involve nudity. "It's just demeaning men who by off on being demeaned, and they pay you. You work everything out beforehand." Then she said she's having second thoughts about it all together and that she hasn't done it yet. I told her I didn't want her to have second thoughts on my account and that I wouldn't discourage her from doing it as lng as it was safe. She said her second thoughts were not because of me.

I didn't want to challenge her too much but it honestly doesn't even sound like she has it that thought through. She says she hasn't talked to anyone about it. So how does she know it's a normal thing to do, and that its so safe that I shouldn't even worry a little? So very strange. And she's not even sure she's going to do it, yet earlier in the day she was complaining that my gig was getting in the way of her going out to make money? Was she just going to show up at a random guys house and start humiliating him? There have been a lot of really odd moments in this experience but this might take the cake.

At the end of the convo, I lingered, something I haven't done in literally 3 to 4 months with her. I have given her no affection, no statements of love or asking her to consider workng it out. I've kinda started to think that if she's had any second thoughts, she's pushed them away because she's done so much damage already. I stood there for a minute and then just said that I still loved and cared about her, then I walked away.

Not good dbing exactly but then I'm not sure if I have been dbing too well for awhile. I've just been living as if she's gone.