Jackie..you are so right..your kids need you..does not mean we can't hurt..cry..SCREAM..but to try and keep ourselves sane.There are many days it would be so easy to give all this up..just move on with a d..or what ever is the easiest..but I want to know that I have tried..and right now h and I are not talking about our m, so I don't feel like we are even trying..but we are working on ourselves. I know sometime I will probably have to start asking him where he thinks we are..yet I am scared because obviously he can't hug me, so for him to tell me he's madly in love with me again ain't going to happen.So I wait patiently..going on with my life as I please and kinda liking the independence. Hang in there
Rob, yup, if you look hard enough there is a silver lining, it is just thinking to look. DB, 4th was good, but some problems, not with H, but with eating. Ellie-- I was doing great with BFL. Doing the journaling and planning and getting to the gym, even though it was difficult finding time to work out. But I found that if I did it, my whole attitude changed, I am focusing on something for me, my own goal and felt great about it. Then the 4th came and three different picnics with sugar foods and we were away all weekend, my exercise stopped and eating went through the roof. This takes so much planning, but it is worth it and I must get back on the horse.
Pam, how you had a great holiday. Sue--you are right, it is patience, not rushing these things.
Had a good holiday, except for falling off my program. We are over the funk. I worked on the positive reinforcement with H and slowly he came around and is now in pleasant mode, so I'm enjoying that.
We have a bit of an issue coming up. My SIL's family is throwing her a baby shower (H has only one sibling), I think we should go, they have always come to our stuff. We are the only ones other than ILs invited, so MIL will be throwing another one for H's side of the family after the twins are born. One thing that came up in MC is that I'm pushing for family functions when H doesn't want to go (H's family lives 2 hours away, mine 10, so aren't a whole lot of functions).
So after telling H my views (and his mother giving him a guilt trip), I told him I realized I'm doing it again, pushing for what I think is the right thing to do and not listening to what he wants to do (this is his last weekend here before heading to Europe for 3 weeks).
So, I've told him the decision is completely up to him. Of course everyone is getting upset because we haven't RSVP'd yet, and see me as the social secretary. I've just been telling them H is trying to see if he can swing it with his work load and waiting for his decision. God, all this about a dumb baby shower, but it seems to be a symptom of a lot of what I did wrong in the past, and started doing wrong again. My lips are now sealed about the thing. And secretly hoping we don't go! I don't even like the people!
So, I've told him the decision is completely up to him. Has he decided yet, Jackie? Does he need a push from you? Or will he feel he is being pushed?
I think I drove my W crazy at times because I did not make up my mind about that sort of thing....just forgot about it until she would remind me (again and again). Are you showing any resentment over his (non) action?
Jackie, Sounds like your doing some good 180s on the IL sitch. I know it must be hard biting your tongue, but remember what Michele says about he see-saw affect. The more you do of something the less your SO will do...so if you're always the one who takes charge on the family issues your H will not. It sounds like you're trying to balance that out and that's a good experiment. Continue to resist the urge to get involved. If you told him it's totally up to him than live that decision...every thing from the decision to go or not go, to the plans if you do go should be handled by him.
Keep looking for more things like this. You'll start getting into the whole mindset of trying different things. When something is working take note of it and don't forget about it. If something isn't working take note of that too..and do forget it.
Keep up the good work on the 180s and positive reinforcements.
A dream it's true
But I'd see it through
If I could be
Wasting my time with you
-Band:Phish Song:Waste
Hi Jackie ~ Thank you for visiting my thread. Sorry I've been out of touch. You seem to be doing well after a tough time. Congratulations on your 180 with the attitude. Your H seems to have noticed. I can totally relate to the Is everything OK?/Worrying that you are the problem/spiraling down. It's a tough pattern to stop and change, but you've got a good start. Congratulations too on your new belt! That's terrific!!! Good for you!!!! Hang in there, and keep up the plans for you and the kids. It does get easier each time you do it. Don't let the turkeys get you down. You are doing a great job, and are definitely an inspiration. Thinking of you~
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
That is so good to see!
I need to start some things for me!