Had a decent day yesterday. I was focused and motivated to do some work on myself. Stayed busy and didn't dwell too much on the negative. Spent time with my boys. Played video games with them and had a good time. Then W calls during our gaming session. Mentions she'd like to come out tomorrow night to see the boys (I'm taking them to my dad's for Thanksgiving) since she won't be seeing them for a while. I said that was fine. Then she talked to the boys. This morning, during my meditation, she calls and asks if I'd be willing to switch nights and I go to my buddy's where I spend my time away. I paused and she said, "You're hesitating. That's ok, I'll just come by tonight and visit.". I said that's fine. This convo has put a damper on my day. I've fallen into the pain again. I realize this will be the first holiday in 16 years that we won't all be together as a family.
M 39 W 39 T 16, M 15 S 12, 9 Sep 07/26/14 11/02/14 W decides to file, has not yet
Good job with enjoying your time with the boys. What video games do you guys enjoy playing? My s13 is a Madden football game freak.
Holidays are tough for everyone. Try and not hover around your W when she comes to visit the boys. The "triggers" of pain come fast and furious during this time of year. The "first" Thanksgiving apart. The "first" Christmas apart, etc.
What do you think will help you to quickly deal with the pain when a "trigger" comes at you? It's a tough time and you are doing some good work on yourself in analyzing the situation, and trying to understand what is taking place. Good luck with tonight.
Thanks, Wet. The weekend was very hard. I tried to maintain a sense of composure. I was hurting really bad. Went to my father's, had a okay time. So surreal though, being the first major holiday w/o my W. W stayed at our house (allegedly) and didn't even go to her family's Thanksgiving, which wasn't too far at all from where we live. She said she stayed at home and "listened to music"(which was accompanied with alcohol I assume). Friday we came home and I busied myself with chores and had little contact. I went to my home away from home later. Friday night my buddy and I went to a bar to watch a show. I wasn't feeling too well by the end of the night. Went to my car and went to sleep. He came out later and we got a ride with a sober person. Saturday I was still feeling low. Arrived at my house to take my turn with the boys. She was all dolled up, ready for her weekly outing to the bars. This is the most hurtful time of the week for me. Seeing her all prettied up. Not being allowed to say anything or touch her. I just wish her a good time and tell her to be safe. It's late in the evening when my imagination starts torturing me. That voice keeps saying, "You know she getting a lot of attention from strange men. You know she's vulnerable and probably drunk and lonely and her judgement will be lacks." The thought of another man giving her attention and her eating it up kills me. I know it's not healthy and I can do nothing to stop it. I know it's something I would never do. I try to tell myself that she's not the same person and all that...but it is still hurts. Just when I think I'm okay, I've detached, I'm getting better, seeing her and knowing where she's going puts me back at square one.
M 39 W 39 T 16, M 15 S 12, 9 Sep 07/26/14 11/02/14 W decides to file, has not yet
I'm sorry Ikymk99, I hear the pain in your words. You need help. Do you have any ideas of any support groups or just any groups that you can meet up with that will help get you through this?
I attend a weekly Divorce Care group that meets at my Church. It's helped me. It's a national organization, and it helps both divorced and separated people. It may be worth checking to see if there is one in your area.
You must know some people who have gone through the divorce process. Ask them what helped get them through this painful process. Just hang in there, and keep going back over the DR book, and posts here from the veterans. I'll say it again, I'm sorry. It will get better, if you let it.
I've been in a haze of pain and frustration over the past few weeks. This overwhelming pain in my chest is constant. I haven't been sleeping well at all. I've been crying or on the verge everyday.
My W has officially moved out of our house. She called me a couple of weeks ago to tell me that she had found a place and that I could come home permanently.
Last week, all her stuff she had been storing at the house was gone when I got home from work. It's so strange. Seeing my house so bare. All remnants of her...gone.
The nights I'm alone there are excruciating. Totally alone, both physically and emotionally.
I'm trying so hard to detach and move on. But I can't seem to focus too long on anything other than my W and my family being destroyed.
I wish I could snap out of this and move on with my life. I really do.
M 39 W 39 T 16, M 15 S 12, 9 Sep 07/26/14 11/02/14 W decides to file, has not yet
I know I need to be strong. For me and my boys. I know I probably need professional counseling or something. I really do not have the financial means or the time right now. I start a new job on Wednesday. Hopefully that will keep my mind occupied...
M 39 W 39 T 16, M 15 S 12, 9 Sep 07/26/14 11/02/14 W decides to file, has not yet
