Really need some help. The panicky feelings are starting to dominate my days. Monday night (the day following the "I'm going to file" conversation) I called from my buddy's place and told her I was going to come home tomorrow night and stay. Since is her decision to leave, I was angry and told her she could either stay with us and work on R or get out. She said that was fair since it is her wanting out of M. Got home with boys last night and all her belongings were boxed up by back door. I started feeling sick. She called later and I told her I was speaking out of anger and fear. I don't want to disrupt the boys lives this way. She got pissed and said I needed to make a decision. She currently is staying at mil one room apartment. So confused and lost right now. What do I do?
M 39 W 39 T 16, M 15 S 12, 9 Sep 07/26/14 11/02/14 W decides to file, has not yet
Please, any input into this would greatly be appreciated.
I read to stay in the house is a favorable stance, but I don't want our S's lives to be disrupted...anymore than they already are. If I go back on my "ultimatum" it looks like indecisiveness or waffling.
Input, please!
Thank You!
M 39 W 39 T 16, M 15 S 12, 9 Sep 07/26/14 11/02/14 W decides to file, has not yet
Hi Ikymk99, yes, staying in the house is important at this point. Is it possible for your sons to stay in the house with you?
If you will permit me to ask, you mentioned that you were feeling "panicky". What do you think are causing these feelings? What is it that you fear most? Good luck.
Thank you, wet,for the response. I already spoke with her this evening. I decided to go back to the original arrangement of me at house four days and her here four. My sons need stability during this time, so I put their needs first, of course. Once she gets her own place that is big enough they can stay with her. Which I hope is a long time (hopefully never) . As far as the" panicky" feelings, I think it's fear of everything becoming so real and my ideal family not existing anymore. All I've envisioned for our future being stripped away. I am trying to accept it, but the anxiety and pain start to overwhelm and take over. I need to frame this in a positive light, I know, but damn, it kills the spirit it feels like. I still hold out hope. Need to focus on me and my boys for now. Get through this a new and stronger man. A man me and my boys can be proud of.
M 39 W 39 T 16, M 15 S 12, 9 Sep 07/26/14 11/02/14 W decides to file, has not yet
I have been trying to LRT these past few days. It's been really hard to do. She dropped the "I'm going to file" B last Sunday. She's packed up her belongings and has been staying at her mom's while she is looking for apartments. We have only talked on phone each night as she tells the boys good night. I know the LRT states to be upbeat and not ask any R/M questions. Which I've done. My question is concerning the "Don't say 'ILY'" part of LRT. She has maintained through all of our Sitch that "I'm her best friend", "the second most important person (S's are 1st of course) in her life", "that she loves me". She still says ILY after each of our interactions. Til now I've always reciprocated the phrase. Now, that she is set on not being my W, I find it difficult to say it back, because I DO love her and do not want to lie and not say it or say anything.
Now,the question is: I know LRT means that I am not the one to say ILY 1st, but what is the proper way to respond if the WAW is the one saying it 1st? Say it back or not? Very hard to know for sure how to respond. I don't want to come off as a cold-hearted jerk. Or if I do say it, I feed her reassurance that I'm "Okay" with her doing this to our family.
What, my friends and fellow DBers, do you think?
Thank you all. Keep up the good fight.
M 39 W 39 T 16, M 15 S 12, 9 Sep 07/26/14 11/02/14 W decides to file, has not yet
Well, maybe learn from my mistake. I would spar with my W every time she told me that she loved me. I would tell her she doesn't understand what love really is. I don't think this was helpful.
Perhaps just a simple acknowledgment, like saying 'thank you' and leaving it at that.
Thanks, Wet. I try not to use the same argument when she says it. I did way in the beginning. It's hard to say it when her feeling of love is more of a friend type instead of a romantic/erotic/committed/marriage type that I still feel. I think the "Thank you" might be interpreted as passive aggressive if I know her like I know her. She's a very sarcastic, truthful, in-your-face, blunt personality and that might push her buttons. I could be wrong though...maybe I'll try it. Thank you again for the input. It's much appreciated. Peace!
M 39 W 39 T 16, M 15 S 12, 9 Sep 07/26/14 11/02/14 W decides to file, has not yet
Weekends are tough for those of us who are separated. What is your game plan to keep you occupied, and your mind off of W tonight and the rest of the weekend?
