I have finally decided I need to set firm boundaries with h, my fear of losing him has stopped me in the past 6 months, but it finally( I know I'm a bit dense) dawned on me I've already lost him, so I have nothing to fear. He and she have been posting ridiculously soppy stuff on Fb, I've actually deleted him from my Fb but am still getting told what is being posted. I broke down the other night, I just couldn't understand how he could be so cruel and disrespectful, I know and the whole world knows that he and ow are together and 'happy' so why rub my face in it and flog it? I said that to h last night, among other things, and then I thought this is so ridiculous. I came home and wrote down boundaries for myself and him in order to move forward, regardless of out sitch at the moment. first one was that h has to get a car, I can't keep being the chauffeur for the boys all the time, it's been 6 months, he's had the money and has wasted it on crap basically. next one is family night, he either sticks to his idea and it was his idea or he cans it completely but make a decision next one is the kids and ow, I can't control what he does in that regard, but he needs to go gently with them especially since he and ow 'broke up' last week, and now back together, I don't want the boys caught up in the middle of unstable situation. The money that gives me each week, I want a set figure so I'm not asking each week how much to take out of the joint account. There were a few more but I wrote them all down and I'll actually take the written noted with me so I don't veer off track. it nearly made panic having to ring to ask if he would be prepared to sit down and discuss these things, and that frustrates me because a couple of weeks ago I could have bought up this stuff no worries, I now feel as though um walking on eggshells. 6 months down the road and we are back to worse than square one. I'm hoping that these boundaries will help me to detach and not have to see h as often, and also that he now has to rely on ow for all the support except for the boys of course
Hi gg, I did think about that, but I think it's better face to face as h would not respond or hedge on some of the issues, also I don't trust that ow wouldn't get her hands on it and I'm trying to minimize he role in all of this from my side.
If he's going to discuss it with ow, you cannot control that.
Email shows how things are better, in sense. It gives you time to response it gives you less emotional contact.
Me I find it works for me. Although I did fall for it slightly, explained on my thread, I think I've now learnt something. Next time I may be ready for his pa manipulations.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
I agree with email, less chance for you to get emotional
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
You both would have been proud, went to h yesterday, took my notes, read them, asked at each point if he had any questions, told him he hhad a week to get a car, or he'd be riding his bike with the kids everywhere. He agreed with all my points, I said thank 6 and left! He was with the kids all day yesterday, watching the footy grand final, he texted late in the afternoon 8 I knew someone who could babysit the kids so he could go out, I didn't even respond. He has the kids today as well he's taking them to some Maze, as he has the car, I'm stuck at home for most of the day (it's a cracker of a day here so not too upset about that) and I think I'll get a friend to pick me up later to go to a bbq, feeling pretty good about myself right now
I think I am getting closer to my journey to saving my m. at this point I see no point in trying to save something that my h has no regard for. I have been repeatedly lied to, had my feelings disregarded, and my opinions seem to not matter in the slightest. any way I behave, whether light and breezy or hurt or angry seems to get the same results and I just can't do it anymore. I am at the point wwhere I no longer believe anything my h says and I'm beginning to doubt that he ever truly loved me. I feel sad for our beautiful boys, I feel sad for the m I had and I feel sad for the loss of the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, he seems to no longer exist. it's family night tonight, something that he implemented for the sake of the kids so will pull out the pma, get through the two hours he's here and know that I don't have to see him again until Saturday to drop the boys off. I wish I wasn't at this point but I can't see any way at all to come back from this.
I feel so sad for you Watto. Mainly because I can completely empathize with your emotions. God can redeem anything, believe that. But I can absolutely understand you feeling like it's time to throw in the towel.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Thanks jefe and gg, I think I really am at the point where it's let go, let God, or the universe or source, whatever you believe in... I can't obsess anymore. A beautiful friend asked me last night if I still felt love for my or was it simply affection after bring together for the past 10 yrs. I had to think about it, I do still love my h, he was/is my great love, but who he is right now is not where I want to be. I do deserve more, and I have to let him find who he is, if it means letting him truly go, then I do, let him discover who he is, as I have been doing for the past 6 months. and I have worked out that though I have faults, as we all do, I'm pretty awesome, I have a huge capacity for love, I'm tenacious and protective and a great mum and lots of other amazing stuff.
