Inside my chrysalis 2

[pilot]

He did sign a year lease so I guess I should batten down the hatches for at least that long, huh?

No, a lease can be broken/bought out. My W just signed a year lease, and if I really thought I would have to sit like this for a year, I would quit making an effort and just walk away. So do not let the term of a lease discourage you.

It is MUCH easier to detach when we have no contact. In fact, when D7 is with me, I feel like I could survive this no problem. It's when she's not home that I HATE my life.

YES! And yea, I know how it stinks to be without the kids

THIS though, this LBS stuff? It's so much about "maybe" or "will he?" or "I hope" or "please, please, please" which is what makes this HELL.

Ugh. As a disgruntled DBer I say, "onward".

Ok, STOP looking at DBing as a way to get him back. It is not. It is a way to make YOU get to a place in your own life where you are able to be fine without him. And should he decide to come back, you would be in a place where you would be best suited to facilitate a successful path towards reconciling. Remember, getting your spouse back is really nothing more than a lucky (or I guess sometimes unlucky) side effect of successful DBing. Once you take the focus off getting your spouse back, the rest should come much easier.

I know...much much easier said than done, and I myself am in no way near perfect on this.

Good luck!

[Gotan74]

Ss my situation is different but you have to look out for yourself. Believe me you H will not want to go on a date but you may want to see if he will go out with you but don't call it a date. I have been on many not dates with my W and while she will not want to label it what it is it's time spent together reconnecting.

[Card29]

OK, successful at no initiating contact, even though some Amazon orders for him came in today (not time sensitive). I'm sure he got an email that they were delivered.

One of the boxes is a bunch of stuff for him to decorate D7's room at his place. On one hand I love that he knows her so well (it's all space stuff, stars, a moon, a mobile of the planets) but it hurts that he feels like he'll be out long enough to need that stuff. He did sign a year lease so I guess I should batten down the hatches for at least that long, huh?

It is MUCH easier to detach when we have no contact. In fact, when D7 is with me, I feel like I could survive this no problem. It's when she's not home that I HATE my life.

I was just thinking today that if H had died (God forbid!!!) and I was left alone with D7, it would be awful of course and I'd be depressed and things would be HARD but we'd survive because 1) what other option is there? and 2) he'd be gone and there'd be nothing I could do to bring him back. Nothing.

THIS though, this LBS stuff? It's so much about "maybe" or "will he?" or "I hope" or "please, please, please" which is what makes this HELL.

Ugh. As a disgruntled DBer I say, "onward".

Ss, you read my mind with almost every post.

I was upset for a little bit when she bought a shower curtain for her apartment. LOL!

[Gotan74]

I did the same thing with a shoe rack

[Bitzie]

Good on you for not initiating contact even though some packages came through.

I find it hard when H has our 4yr old Every weekend too

[raliced]

Ditto. My H bought a copy of a movie we already have to keep at "his place" and it bothered me for a whole day. It really is the little stuff sometimes.

[pilot]

I think it is more about them having their 'own' stuff or 'new' stuff to go with their new life. I know my W just bought a new tv (among other things) when we have 3 nice new tvs from our old place sitting in the garage here. And these are big ones, 3D ones...not like I am trying to pawn off old black and white tvs with knobs on them.

[Ss06]

Ahhh, you guys are making me laugh with all the things your spouses bought solidifying that they don't live with us. It really is making me feel better.

When H was talking about moving out he was talking about all the meditation he was going to do and how he didn't even want to have a TV. I looked into a HUGE Costco charge on the credit card two days after he moved out and it was a gargantuan TV, apple TV, and all the accoutrements. Guess "meditating" wasn't on the agenda any more.

I'm not spending any unnecessary money (ok, I bought a pair of shoes for $50) but I really want to get a new bedspread. Being in our bed has been hard. It's HUGE and I'm pretty small so it feels especially empty. I sleep horribly and I'm often up for most of the night reading, writing, meditating, snuggling with D7, etc. I keep thinking if I changed up the bedding it might make me feel like it's a new space just for me. Bad idea?

Got a text this morning from H. Actually, no I didn't. It was a text for my D7 wishing her luck on her spelling and vocab test today. I think I'd normally think that is super sweet but since he texted her without acknowledging me, I'm annoyed by it. By the way, I'm 12. I need to grow up.

Maybell, I'll take you up on your pact. Find ways to enrich my time while D7 is not home. I can do it. What are you going to do to care for YOU until Monday?

[raliced]

Get the bedding! The bedroom was one of the first areas that I tackled after the BD. I whisked away his blackout curtains (he works nights and had to sleep days frequently) and made the whole area cleaner and brighter. Not to mention I enjoy actually getting into a made bed at night. H never made the bed and since we frequently sleep during different hours, I always felt like I was crawling into a slightly smelly, rumpled cave. It was a nice little mental pick me up. Well worth the 80 dollars I spent on new Ikea curtains and the $30 of paint.

[claire7]

Things I love about my "new" single bedroom:

1) bright bedspread and crisp white sheets
2) making the bed every morning!
3) turning the light on to get ready for work (H was generally still asleep when I left for work so I would tiptoe around in the dark to get ready. Not so fun!

Get new bedding! Your bed should be a sanctuary!