it will be a year for me in about two weeks -- it happened three days after our first date, after we thought the kids were old enough for a sitter (I know, I know, big mistake -- I should have figured out how to do this before) -- there was nothing to talk about, we had lost touch, lost each other --- my wife experienced several significant triggers earlier, though -- oddly, I have found it hardest to put all the pieces together after BD; before then, I thought we were suffering together, celebrating together (ie. what I thought love was) -- I was very wrong -- love is a gift where you intentionally suffer on your own so your partner can take a break and may not have to suffer as much -- and have spent significant time thinking now about what I would do differently ...
Thx Mlp . as usual your words are kind and wise . I feel myself slipping in and out of depression . I dont think this is a good thing . I m afraid of slipping the wrong way . The constant up and down of emotion is wearing me thin . I want to get up and stay up . Sometimes i think that being up and down is as bad as being down totally .Life seems like so much work now and 9 months ago it was great . happy to get up and on with a day . And ticked off when a day ended . Now i cant wait to go home and go to bed and try to sleep
Me 45 W 45 Son 16 Son 14 Married 23 together 27 W threatened sep several times W still at home A discovered Mar 17 2014 A ended DEC 2 ( skeptical )
Im 5' 11' lost 28 lbs in 32 days . I was a walking zombie . I just kept telling people that i had a rare bug for a week and it was hard to shake . I stabilized my weight and started eating and sleeping till she told me she had a lawyer and she was leaving . Now the the no eating or sleeping again . But im gonna try to force myself to eat
Me 45 W 45 Son 16 Son 14 Married 23 together 27 W threatened sep several times W still at home A discovered Mar 17 2014 A ended DEC 2 ( skeptical )
Dawgy, I started dropping weight too after BD and not in a healthy way. What helped me was making sure to plan outings with friends around meals. Even though I still had no appetite at times, it helped force me to eat at least a little. Now I tend to have such a good time with my friends, it helps me take my mind off my D, my appetite has returned, and my weight has stabilized. Good luck.
Me: 35, H: 37, no kids Together since 2002, Married since 2007 IDKIILY: 2/2013 MC: 5/2013-6/2014 H stated he was REALLY done: 4/2014 I moved out 7/6/14 H filed end of 8/2014 but still hasn't served me
try the protein bars w/ water -- easy on the tummy -- I've got to tell you, dawgy, what you are saying is exactly how I felt -- literally word for word -- exactly how I felt ...
the feeling of depression is linked both to the sleep issue, and the lack of food -- solve those, and you will begin to get your hands around the depressed feelings -- this is also natural and not your situation at play --
both problems will intensify the feelings of depression -- (ie. "I am exhausted and feeling sick" is a gateway to depression, not depression -- get your hands around it now -- stop on the way home for a bottle of water and protein bar -- eat it in the car) --
both of these things are within your power to solve starting today, right now ...
meals out with friends or visits centered around food is a really good idea (!!!); I will be trying that next time I slip on the food issue ...
For sleep get some Melatonin. When I was up at night with my mind racing it would put me into a deep sleep. It's not a depressant and is natural so I would take 5 or 6 tabs. Sleep definitely helps. Eat healthily. Fruits & veggies. \
I also found a couple of glasses of wine before bed helped too, but you have to be careful it doesn't become a habit. Use with caution.
M: 59 W: 53 M: 9 yrs T: 14 yrs No kids together but D30(hers), S27, S24, D21(all 3 mine) W moved out 11/18/2013 D-Day 12/14/2013 W moved back home 12/1/2014
I was also on that great diet where you can eat anything (that'll stay down) and still lose weight.
I lost 30 pounds in almost three months, and I wasn't heavy to begin with.
Every time I start to gain it back, I'm like you, Dawgy... I think I'm detached, I think I've got a handle on things, and then I get spinning and anxious and it all comes back off and then some.
I gained seven pounds over the last two months, only to lose 9 again.
I agree with everyone above ^^^^.
You have GOT to sleep, whether it's Melatonin, or for me either Valium or Trazedone. OR just Tylenol PM... it's a priority for you. You can't function and the anxiety just increases. It will make you "mental" and totally unable to DB.
As for the food, comfort food is great at this point. It's not about eating "healthy" as much as getting some calories and comfort in there.
Mac and cheese, ice cream, steak and potatoes, waffles at midnight, chicken noodle soup; whatever it is that you like and will stay down will work . You can worry about being healthy later.
I also drank a LOT of Ensure. Sometimes it was the only thing that didn't make me throw up.
The good news is I haven't thrown up in many weeks. That shows me it's getting better.
It's a rough time, I know. And taking advice is also hard. Whatever you can do to get your mind off things for awhile is good. Don't feel guilty for pampering yourself and doing things that make you feel good.
If you have others depending on you, you can't afford to run yourself down any more than has happened already, OK?
One last thing. For me, something that helped get my mind off my own nightmare was reaching out and helping others. That still works wonders.
Keep us posted!
---GGG PS: Calms Forte' is a natural, homeopathic remedy for sleep, and it DOES work. You can get it in lots of stores that have a "Natural Foods" section.
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
