Lisa, my coach is telling me to go ahead and date (meaning casual dates, not a new relationship), but only because my H is so checked out. She said that if he were showing more signs of confusion/waffling, then she'd recommend not dating because it can complicate things. But you can decide based on your own situation. Hang in there!
Me: 35, H: 37, no kids Together since 2002, Married since 2007 IDKIILY: 2/2013 MC: 5/2013-6/2014 H stated he was REALLY done: 4/2014 I moved out 7/6/14 H filed end of 8/2014 but still hasn't served me
Yea, Lisa, as much as I would love to see you out there enjoying life and breaking hearts, this whole LF of mine probably is not going to be a helpful thing in the long run. Who knows...
Just lookin out for ya!
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
Maybe don't date, I dunno. Flirt though. Get some positive feedback from guys. It'll show.
pilot, what does LF mean?
Me: 34 W:33 T: 10 M: 6 S: 6 D: 5 BD: 5/14 Still together(ish) Not giving up: 7/14 D talk has slowed, a lot. Gradually working on things together. Still separate bedrooms. Slow and Steady wins the race.
Nothing wrong with some friendly outings though. Do you have opportunities to be dressed up and busy around H? I can't recall if you have children or not. Sorry!
Hi all! Thanks for weighing in! My H definitely thinks I am dating. I'm not sure how seriously he thinks I'm dating but I know for sure he thinks I am. He is dating.
I try to always show him that I am busy out and about and GALing. He definitely knows I'm not sitting at home crying.
If anything I think I have maybe taken the "I'm dating, getting attention and having a blast" thing too far recently. I know he is doing it as well but he doesn't seem happy.
Anyway so I figured I'd try something different and sent him some friendly messages today inviting him to a gallery opening I am attending that he would enjoy. I got a tepid or even old response. But sometimes after I make a small overture he takes a few days to warm up.
Well, thought Id try something new and relatively harmless. Tried being nice and inviting him out in a non date way. If he keeps being distant nothing lost nothing gained. I feel he is pouting over the kissing incident, but maybe he's in a bad mood over something else in his life, who knows. If he's mad over the kissing incident then hopefully it'll make him think.
Thanks again for all the advice about dating. I am flirting and very casually dating a bit. Nothing serious at all. If anything I only need to dial back a bit on "throwing it in his face" so to speak.
Gah, Maybe I need to GAL more. My H definitely does NOT think I'm dating. oh well, maybe that's a good thing. I don't know.
I like your attitude about trying something new and relatively harmless. His distance is protecting his fragility. He'd never admit that but creating a gentle and safe way for him to stop trying to hard to protect himself is commendable, Lisa.
Gah, Maybe I need to GAL more. My H definitely does NOT think I'm dating.
I will tell you what I told Lisa. Tell him you are dating a pilot. haha.
Lisa, glad to hear you are doing well GAL. But remember, the dating/GAL is a double edged sword. While it may make you feel great and wonderful, it may also illicit a punitive response from your H. He may think 'oh, well if she is going to kiss another guy, I'm going to do even more'. Now i KNOW he has already done more, but he may continue or even take it further than he has before. It is just the way a guy thinks. Heck for all I know, it is how your girls think too. Maybe it is just how people think...kind of like how people always want to get the last word in during an argument.
I am not saying to stop your dating/GAL activities, I am just saying be prepared in case...
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
Yeah pilot that's what I was thinking as well. It seems like at first the idea of me dating bothered him but then perhaps it also fueled his fire to do it more as you say.
And Ss I agree that he is likely being cold to protect himself. I see a familiar pattern now where he comes a little closer, I act "cool" and then he retreats. So I thought I'd try to shake it up a little and go follow him into his retreat with an olive branch. It didn't seem to work.
I'm guessing that eventually if I also retreat he will come toward me again, as so far he doesn't want to let me stray too far away. But we'll see. Next time (if there is a next time) he comes a little closer I might try being a bit more friendly and open. Not sure.
