First post - My WAH story

[Jacket]

Blonde.... *drool*

Haha. you had me at blonde.

Dye away!!!

On a serious note, my W has taken up fitness to the extreme this past year. Im talking spin, kettle bells (spelling?), crossfit, the works. It is like she has become obsessed. I swear she wears fitness clothes 60% of the times i see her. DONT become her!

Yeah, so I'm Asian, and I don't want to be one of those Asian women who's pretending to be Caucasian. =P

I might already be like your W, Pilot. I've been really into fitness for the past 6 years or so. I was into Pilates before M, then took up kickboxing, spin, and weight lifting about a year after M. I began working out 5-6 times per week.

One of my H's complaints was that I'm in workout clothes a lot and that I'm really into working out and he felt like he just couldn't relate at all. He felt that I was more interested in working out than in spending time with him. However, he never voiced any of this until after BD, so I never knew his feelings on the matter. I merely saw working out as taking care of myself and it was a fun social thing for me as well because I made many friends at the gym. H complained (but not until right before BD) that I got too muscular. Seriously, I am not, because women only get really muscular if they restrict their diets, and I'm sorry, but I like desserts too much. This came up in one of our MC sessions, and I pushed back. Our C called him on the fact that this was probably just a product of his own insecurities (i.e., he feels weak and unmuscular, and his way of dealing with it was to then accuse me of being too muscular). I feel like this is true. Every complaint he had about me physically was somehow related to something he didn't like about himself physically. Our C finally got him to see that he was really projecting his own insecurities about himself onto me and judging me based on those things.

I work out not because I'm looking for particular results or am obsessed with my body, but because it calms me and makes me happy (hello, endorphins!). I love seeing what I'm physically capable of.

The ironic thing is that now that H and I are S, I am so busy socializing with friends that I only have time to hit the gym 2-3 times per week (I'm down to just kickboxing and ballet/barre classes). So, yes, there is some truth to the fact that I was picking working out over H. However, I know that I would have done things differently if I'd had any idea how much it bothered him. And if it had seemed that he'd wanted to do something in the evenings with me.

It's late and I'm rambling now. I hope that all makes sense.

At what point will this thread lock? Do I need to start a new thread?

[LisaB]

Hi Jacket!
Wanted to add my 2 cents about the changes that your H sees but doesn't care about. I don't really know what the situation is with your H and other women, but potential interest in LF or OW might explain some of the situation. For example...He needs to alert friends that you are D so that he can bring LF around without shocking everyone, and that he is really done with the marriage and just wants to move forward with D no matter what you do or say or change.

I'm not trying to upset you and obviously I know nothing about what your H is doing or thinking but just throwing it out there as OW might explain some things.

I bring this up because originally I could not figure out why my WAH was so ready to just walk away! He saw my changes and he didn't give a rat's ass. He himself said there was nothing really wrong with me or our relationship he just felt done and like there was no spark. Came to find out there was OW. Explained a lot about how it went from small M problems to done in 30 seconds flat.

Things did not go as he hoped with OW and now he is backtracking a little. Not that he wants to reconcile but he now notices and appreciates my changes rather than being completely oblivious.

So it is possible that will happen with your H.

Good for you with the kickboxing cert. That sounds super cool!

Hugs, Lisa

[Jacket]

Hi Lisa,

Thanks for the input. I actually don't think the issue is with LF or OW. For one thing, he didn't meet LF until a month after he said he was done. At this point, I suppose it could be an EA. What's weird is that that would have really bothered me about a month ago and now I just don't give a crap.

The other reason I don't think it's OW, is because right after he said he was done, his sister, who was super supportive to both of us (and was telling me on the side that she hoped we would R, even though she was not saying this to H), was encouraging him to go out and date. She was pushing him extra hard to sign up for Match.com. Her words to me were, "I love you and I know this isn't what you'd want me to tell him, but I think he needs to go out and date to realize the two of you really do have a connection. Plus if he goes out and dates now, it'll be a disaster, which I think will help your case." When she pushed him to date, H pushed back and insisted he wasn't ready and wouldn't be for a long while. As of July she was still encouraging him to date, and he was still insisting that that wasn't what he wanted.

I think he was pushing really hard for the email and for his status change on FB because of the birthday party this weekend. Like changing your status on FB beforehand is really going to make people at the party be totally accepting and non-inquisitive? I have no idea what he's thinking about this matter, and frankly don't care anymore. I'm just glad I won't be there.

I mean no offense to anyone whose spouse is having an A, as I don't know what it really feels like, so take this with a grain of salt, but I almost feel like it would be easier for me to accept my H walking away if he was involved in an A. It's almost extra insulting that H just wants to walk away without any viable prospect. Like, am I really that sucky that you're willing to just head out, hoping you'll find someone? Plus, then I could see it blowing up in his face and for him to be willing to give our M another shot.

Jacket

P.S. In other news, I plugged a curling iron into the socket in my bathroom, and now the darn thing will not unplug and the socket underneath it won't work anymore either. I wrestled with it for five minutes, and the freaking thing is stuck. *facepalm*