Iwish do you really believe the date of the conversations is the "key issue" here?
Because it's not. Come on, stop deflecting from what we are obviously trying to tell you.
And in case this isn't clear, stop snooping. Really. It does you NO good and it si against the DB principles.
Hate to belabor the point but -- DID YOU READ THE DB Book(s)?
IF SO, you need to apply what it says OR don't pretend to be doing this approach.
IF NOT, then I'm reaching thru this computer and urging you LOUDLY to Read the dang books and then do what they say.
Otherwise, whatever you are doing, is NOT Div Busting. And it's not consistent.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Sometimes we say "do the math" and it goes like this:
"Consistent changes + sufficient time = change she can believe in."
Meaning, once you finally make some changes in how you handle things and once you have done that, for awhile, you can begin to determine what else you want to do or how you feel. Until If & When that happens, she can't tell how marriage to you would be different or better. COMMIT to the DB methods or hey, find another approach.
. but admit that, so we don't fret about how you are Not "DBing."
You have the choice. You do NOT have to do this our way.
All I'm saying is make a choice and stick to it, for some time...like 90 days for the DB way.
After 90 days of consistently new, & different behavior, THEN Monitor and Assess if it is helping you to reconnect, or not.
Then make your choices & act accordingly.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
1Wish, putting all your crazy text exchanges, judgmental comments and constant refusal to 'do the work' aside, what drives me the craziest about your situation is that you don't realize how hopeful your situation could be!
Think of all the poor choices you've made throughout the time you've posted on here. (I shudder just thinking of some of those text exchanges) Yet, you still have a W who talks about not wanting to lose you, about 'booty calls', about the hurt this is causing her. She is still conflicted about this decision and just needs you to follow the advice of so many of the people who have given it to you. Those same people whose spouses are carrying on an A or have filed D or have moved out of the house. You have it so 'easy' compared to those people. You even have people who have been through what you've been through and come out successful giving you advice!
I'm rooting for you, I really am, but everytime I read one of your posts, I want to say 'Just GAL and chill out man!' You're not dealt with the complex issue of getting your W to fall back in love with you. The changes needed in your M all begin with you- how you treat her, your lack of respect for her, becoming a better man than you are now....
1Wish, putting all your crazy text exchanges, judgmental comments and constant refusal to 'do the work' aside, what drives me the craziest about your situation is that you don't realize how hopeful your situation could be!
Think of all the poor choices you've made throughout the time you've posted on here. (I shudder just thinking of some of those text exchanges) Yet, you still have a W who talks about not wanting to lose you, about 'booty calls', about the hurt this is causing her. She is still conflicted about this decision and just needs you to follow the advice of so many of the people who have given it to you. Those same people whose spouses are carrying on an A or have filed D or have moved out of the house. You have it so 'easy' compared to those people. You even have people who have been through what you've been through and come out successful giving you advice!
I'm rooting for you, I really am, but everytime I read one of your posts, I want to say 'Just GAL and chill out man!' You're not dealt with the complex issue of getting your W to fall back in love with you. The changes needed in your M all begin with you- how you treat her, your lack of respect for her, becoming a better man than you are now....
i hear what your saying but shes on a stage where shes saying she needs to go away and think about everything she feels like she needs to think about her happiness and mine. She feels like she cant keept me hapoy and she wishes it could go back to the days where she was madly in love with me.
She feels like it never can because the old girl i fell in love with is gone. She wishes it can go back but is scared that it never will. She suggested the booty calls not me. She expects me to see her but in that time shes going to assess everything and see where things go from there.
She wants me to be happy and genuinely thinks ive changed she says how im like a perfect husband but shes not good enough for me. She says that she doesnt recognise herself. I told her go away and find yourself hun. Ill be here, she says she doesnt want to loose me but doesnt know whats going to happen. She feels like she can never forget or forgive what my parents done and is reminded when she looks at me
She doesnt want the divorce but thinks its best for both of us. I told her i can see the woman i fell in love with now as shes been a lot more loving but she replied but for how long is she going to be here. Shes scared and feels like theres something missing inside of her. She doesnt want to hurt me or be upset. Shes kind of made it in a way where now shes not good enough for me and doesnt want to hurt me...
You're just going through the motions and doing what everyone is telling you to do. You're not making any decisions for yourself which is why your "changes" aren't real. You're just faking it.
You want to prove that you're dedicated to this? Go and sign up for a C and then learn from them.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
1Wish, putting all your crazy text exchanges, judgmental comments and constant refusal to 'do the work' aside, what drives me the craziest about your situation is that you don't realize how hopeful your situation could be!
Think of all the poor choices you've made throughout the time you've posted on here. (I shudder just thinking of some of those text exchanges) Yet, you still have a W who talks about not wanting to lose you, about 'booty calls', about the hurt this is causing her. She is still conflicted about this decision and just needs you to follow the advice of so many of the people who have given it to you. Those same people whose spouses are carrying on an A or have filed D or have moved out of the house. You have it so 'easy' compared to those people. You even have people who have been through what you've been through and come out successful giving you advice!
I'm rooting for you, I really am, but everytime I read one of your posts, I want to say 'Just GAL and chill out man!' You're not dealt with the complex issue of getting your W to fall back in love with you. The changes needed in your M all begin with you- how you treat her, your lack of respect for her, becoming a better man than you are now....
i hear what your saying but shes on a stage where shes saying she needs to go away and think about everything she feels like she needs to think about her happiness and mine. She feels like she cant keept me hapoy and she wishes it could go back to the days where she was madly in love with me.
She feels like it never can because the old girl i fell in love with is gone. She wishes it can go back but is scared that it never will. She suggested the booty calls not me. She expects me to see her but in that time shes going to assess everything and see where things go from there.
She wants me to be happy and genuinely thinks ive changed she says how im like a perfect husband but shes not good enough for me. She says that she doesnt recognise herself. I told her go away and find yourself hun. Ill be here, she says she doesnt want to loose me but doesnt know whats going to happen. She feels like she can never forget or forgive what my parents done and is reminded when she looks at me
She doesnt want the divorce but thinks its best for both of us. I told her i can see the woman i fell in love with now as shes been a lot more loving but she replied but for how long is she going to be here. Shes scared and feels like theres something missing inside of her. She doesnt want to hurt me or be upset. Shes kind of made it in a way where now shes not good enough for me and doesnt want to hurt me...
^^^ 1Wish,
I'm curious if this is *your opinion* or *your assumption* or even if you two talked and this is a semi transcript. If this is what came out of her mouth, then sure let us know so we can help guide you to fix the issues your W perceives that you have. Assumptions can and will misguide you, repeatedly.
Whatever the case, your W is in confusion mode.
***This is one of Sandi's List rules: believe none of what they say and 50% of what they Do.***
She is dealing with the depression and emotional swings just like you are. When things were good between you two, you were both in happy mode. So confusion on both sides is expected, but like other posters have said work on YOU for now. Part of that process is realizing that none of us were born knowing how to work on a marriage, this website exists because we are not perfect. So, let the advice sink in for a minute, and then decide if you are willing to try something new to save your marriage.
We're here for you brother, help us help you.
"Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing, and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you. And stay." ~ Will Smith
