Last night or early this morning I read a post about a W sexting around their kids. I thought, at least my W doesn't do that... while I was away at my DivorceCare meeting, W was supposed to be hanging out with the kids. Phone records show a flury of texting with OM from an hour before she showed up continuing through 'till hours after she left. Maybe my teens didn't pick up on this but they are pretty smart. At first I wanted to confront her but what would thar serve. I can't keep her from having sex with OM what makes me think she'll listen to me about texting around the kids.
Today I decided to be the Disney dad in liew of mom. Instead of going camping to the same place we've gone as a family for years, I'm going to take the boys to a theme park about 10 hour drive away. First they will love it snd remember it for years. Second, it will make me feel great for being able to do this for them. Third, it will pi... tick off the W to no end. She would never have allowed it if we were still a couple. I'm feeling smug.
It's really tough when you figure out that that type of stuff is going on. I speak from experience.
I'm hardly an expert here, but I did notice once thing. All your initial reasons for going to the theme park were great. Then I noticed the last one where you talk about how much it will bother your wife, I don't think you should do things to get reactions from her, or because it will bother her. Create the great memories for your kids and you, and don't worry about what she will think.
You are right Devaste. Reason three dawned on me hours after the others. At first I was worried that she would be upset then that faded and was replaced with a vengeful joy.
D+2, I hope you don't give up on the theme park. Your W's feelings about it shouldn't come into play here. See it as a 180 and a break from routine.
Your W probably views you as a predictable and boring man whom she has under her thumb. It's good to shake things up. Go to the park and fully engage with your sons.
Not only will it take your mind off the sitch but you will be creating memorable moments for them.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
the first Christmas that H was sort of here *but left the next day), I took the kids to a ski place a few hours from home. Just for 3-4 days. What a blast we had!
For my 25th wedding anniversary, I took our kids to Italy for 2 weeks. I did NOT do this to get back at h (but learned much much later how weird it was for him to not be able to reach us at HIS convenience). We/I saw so many things that were new and so stimulating to me, I was less reminded of h than ever before. That meant a lot b/c it helped my PMA so much....soooo much. Talk about GAL, being surrounded by a new language, new amazing sights and living out a dream I'd put on hold for far too long, was amazing. At least your boys are old enough for many of these adventures...and some are darn cheap!
As for "showing your wife"...hey, don't bother.
LIFE gives them consequences and it's not our job to teach them lessons or show them the consequences, but also not to cover those up.
My bottom line was that just as with many military families (we once were active duty) who have a parent gone for extended periods of time, the rest of us cannot put our lives on hold. WE MUST MOVE ON, HAPPILY, as much as possible. They still have a mother and when she's better, she'll PROBABLY be better.
(I am not giving you the 'in sickness and in health' mantra, but fwiw, I Do think she's off her rocker...) anyhow...
No more 'waiting to see" with her...instead now, today, you & your boys--more DOING.
Create those memories and enjoy them and pay no mind to her.
You are healthy and strong and have two sons to model healthy strong behavior for men to emulate, when they face setbacks, AND that we are each responsible for our happiness. Your job is showing them that they can be happy if/when they choose to be & make the effort to get there. Model that. And enjoy it...
She is AWOL for now, and that is really all that you know. And for now, isn't that enough?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
You are right Devaste. Reason three dawned on me hours after the others. At first I was worried that she would be upset then that faded and was replaced with a vengeful joy.
hmmm, I cannot deny that although I enjoyed the trip to Italy for mostly good reasons, I also enjoyed it immensely, for a few reasons not so great.
Yeah, a "vengeful joy" was among them.
To be accurate, I also came to realize how much we were all "waiting" for h in our lives, whether it was his job schedule or his priorities or both, we/I did way way too much waiting and not nearly enough DOING/GOING.
And that for sure has changed a lot for the better.
Funny, he makes the time for our family outings a lot more now that he seems to know I'll go with, or without him for the most part. So now,it's more with.
Go figure.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
The W is spending more time with the boys now than ever. Tonight she took them to a local RailTrail for a bike ride. The other day she took then to a guitar store for S16. I still believe this is the guilt talking but atleast it's something. The bad part... speaking and having her help me with the rack really made me want some physical contact. Why, with all this hurt and anger would I desire a kiss.
I (we) have always wanted to do stuff but with W controling all the finances we never had the money... or she had to work and wouldn't play hookie. But we always had "stuff" whether we needed it or not. When she moved out, I counted 14 pair of her sneekers. 12 pair of jeans. And I got read the riot act if I bought a soda or magazine. We never had the money to do the things we wanted, only what she wanted. For 20 years, I could have no imput into our finances. Now, I'm in control though with a little family help until I can build up a base. Yeah, we waited too.
Today for some reason was a bad day. I just felt down and upset. Seeing her tonight so I could install the bike rack on her van was ok. Also told her my schedule wasn't working for getting the boys to a councelor. Her working retail leaves a lot more flexibility.
Found OM's full address in a bing map search. Already knew the street just by doing a google search many months ago. Funny that she told my mom someone thought I would have her followed.
I would really like to figure out some sort of working relationship with her. We are going to have to co-parent so we will need to find a wat to get along.
Was told last night that with this divorce, her health insurance won't cover me according to her HR department. Massachusetts usually protects this but since her company is self insured, they get out of it. So it looks like she's moving the divorce train full steam ahead.
After I fell asleep last night, she starts texting me about S16 texting a number excessively. I'll check into it but she could easily do the same. I must be the parent and do the real work while she get to be the play date yet again.
So now, I'm awake for the night with my mind on S16, my huge debt, loss of insurance and her with the OM. Nope, no sleep except for about an hour after 3 but awoke by 4 in a cold sweat.
She has done a great job detaching. I am trying. Every time I feel I get some stability in my emotions, she lays something else on me. Got ticked off again ladt night. Texted her again telling her this and ending with my prayer that God His vengance on her and OM will be harsh and eternal. Sent another text a few hours later stating that she is not to call or text me again unless it is truely an emergence. She can email me with whatever I need to know. A few minutes later she called my mother to tell on me. W is acting like a spoiled child.
Yup. I'm done. I can't take it anymore. I just don't have the strength for this. All of her lies and exagerated blame brought be to the brink of suicide twice since Easter.
She claimed last week when I told her to procede that she wanted to give me time to heal before she files. My reply was that healing would have involded comtinuing with the MC and her having no contact with OM for some time but she backed out an hour after we agreed. Healing would have been to stop detaching our banks, insurances, legal addresses, etc. Healing would have benn her NOT continuing to have sex with OM.
The fact that she texted me something that she could parent herself too late at night just got to me. The fact that it wasn't late to her because she was in a text flury with OM at the same time made me angry.
