Anything ?

[JJAC2005]

Ok....it's been a while
But would like some I put on an event that recently happened.
Wife locked down her life pretty tight back in Feb...BF moved in at that time, and basically haven't seen or hear a peep since.
But a week ago the ex un-blocked me on FB.....
Yes, I snooped around a bit after finding out....as I'm sure she did some snooping around on my page.
Any input as to why she would unblock me after being so atimate about her moving on?

[Cadet]

Are you trying to make sense of her actions?

I would just be mind reading but maybe things are not going as well and she is testing to see where you are.

Are you dark with her?

[JJAC2005]

I had not really intentionally thought about going dark....

The last conversation we had was a good 4 plus hour afternoon lunch where we both enjoyed the company and conversation.
It was very easy to be together, with lots of the same old flirts, jokes, playful antics, and some slight sexual undertones......at that time it was made pretty clear exactly how I felft, what I had learned, about myself, our marriage (marriage relationships in general) and how I came to a place of great change.
I also cited a couple of books, and articles that help lead me to this place of great learning....to which it seemed she took a bit of interest in...especially the link I texted her later that night about the couple that put out a Christian based book called "I Do Again" [by Jeff and Cheryl Scruggs].
All of that days efforts seemed to be for not...she made it clear that she had moved on deepening her relationship with her BF, and asked that I no longer made any attempts to contact or ask to have contact with the kids (no cards, letters, gifts, for B-days, Holidays, or special occasions).
I told her that I had to respecter her requests...and did so for about 4 months later, when I dropped off a little gift basket of treats for the kids on Valentines Day.
I also sent her several texts and emails about needing a couple of financial documents for my bank loan on a house purchase. I had taken off for the weekend and when I returned we spoke a bit on the phone about my requested documents, the house (she had to ask), and on top of that her displeasure with me going up north to visit an old GF in the U.P. after dropping off the gifts....the only way she would have known that I was up north that weekend would have been to look at my postings on Face Book (some things I put out as public some as private) and since we are not friends she can only see so much.
Later that week I tried to request another face to face, she refused, and as I pushed a bit harder, especially after her silent treatment, she blocked me from text/talk and email....soon after that her BF moved in. That was the end of February beginning of March.
Now, here it is the end of May....and I see that she unblocked me from Face Book, which isn't something that happens unless you consciously take off the block.

I know...I started to fall into the dangers of "mind reading" right away....thinking that something might be going on with her relationship after 3 months of reality (grass ain't always greener)

So, back to the "going dark" thing....as an attempt to limit myself and my own curiosity for snooping around, I placed my own Face Book profile on deactivated and told myself that for the rest of the summer, I would be on hiatus from wasting any time on FB.....besides, anyone that really wants to get in touch with me, knows how to do so...including my ex.
So, I guess my answer in a long, round about explanation would be, YES, I am now going as dark as I can, w/o even realizing it...lol

Any more thoughts on this process in helping to understand it better, are as always, greatly appreciated

[Cadet]

Any more thoughts on this process in helping to understand it better, are as always, greatly appreciated

I know that I have posted to you before.

Have you ever read my homework post on the MLC forum?

Maybe reading the stages of a MLC might help understanding the process.
It is confusing for sure and it sounds like you are doing the right things.

[JJAC2005]

Yes, you have left a few comments to my post....all good, and all appreciated!
I will try to get back and do a mini search to the HW you are referring to, as I'm not recalling most of it.
I do know that my situation was and is a bit more unique, in the sense that there aren't any ties that keep us (my ex and I) in any sort of regular contact.
That being said, I know that I tended to skim thru some of the readings/postings for things that I felt directly were related to bridging that gap for reconciliation.
Funny thing was that I always felt that the relationship that my ex was in was so fittingly convenient in the way that it wouldn't produce any real or major conflicts until they moved in together....hhmmm, excuse my mind reading here but maybe after 3 months of cohabitation has produced a few real life relationship issues.

I think that there is a strong indicator that my ex has a little "MLC" going on....and of course I am in the "WAS" situation, as I am the "LBS" still holding on to the hope that someday my marriage will be healed.
I have come a long way in what seems a short time....but in reality I will be coming up on 2 years post divorce the end of the summer....
So far I have been following the following outline....as well as turning more over to God and prayer.
1. Give her space and respect her privacy ( Agree to divorce the old marriage)
2. Recover emotionally (GAL, getting back on my feet)
3. Take time to reflect how you contributed to the divorce ( List and address my spouse's complaints)
4. Be the person she married in the first place (or better...lol)
5. Make the effort to look and feel my best
Cleaning up my life.....and hope to reconnect from a position of strength.

I'm still and probably always will be a work in progress....but I know I am always improving, and striving to do so.
Becoming the best "me" I can be...

So, I will try to find your HW page again, do a little tune up....continue to pop in ask for guidance, suggestions and support....

Thanks again....

[JJAC2005]

One more thing I forgot to really address....
My intent for asking what people might think about or have input on, someone looking back after a period of time... And if there may be any other things to direct my attention to as possible things to look for or that might happen down the road.
Just trying to get a temperature check or a barometer check if you will...

It seems I have asked a number of men and ladies both single and involved and/or married, and about 100% say that that would indicate that the person is definitely not as involved as they want to lead you to believe... Because you have to purposely go in and change that block to unblock for the purposes of viewing and to be viewed by the person you have blocked.
Which is sort of odd for someone who has said that they wanted to completely move on.....
But the strangest thing of all is that this came at the end of a string of very heartfelt prayers over the weekend prior to this change... And discovery
True what they say God has his own way of moving things along.

My concern was does going dark work better in this case or should I leave a little room for that curiosity to grow even more?

[Cadet]

Read this post

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...415#Post2456415

[Cadet]

At the bottom of the resource thread is a link for reconnection.

Reconnection normally goes with things, animals, children and last us.
So maybe that will shed some light on the subject.

[JJAC2005]

Well, here it comes…..my little vent and gripe moment.
I have been dark now for some time (close to 6 months), only catching a smallest of hint that the ex was even thinking about me, or looking over the fence as it is.
The big summer camping trip came and went like it always does….and of course it was always a July event that made the summer….and I could only think of what my step-son and nephew told me last summer before I got the no more contact thrown at me, but it was really gratifying to know that I was missed, and that camping just wasn’t the same without me….Now, I’m just not sure about anything anymore.
I cannot believe that she hasn’t thought about me and missed me in some way….mostly because I still miss them every day…and it angers me inside that I still care so damn much!
I understand that this time apart is not about a marriage, it’s about growth…and keeping hope alive in my heart.
But w/o anything visible it’s so freaking hard to think that I have a chance at ever getting a second chance
School is getting closer to starting, the kids are going to both be at the HS this year, and D is going to be a senior….just so much I have to miss and nothing can be done about it….until the ex decides or the kids get old enough to make their own choices