I'll bite:). Please note this is simply my opinion and I'm no expert. In regards to being done , it's totally normal to cycle. You are working through your feelings and you will get exactly where you need to be when you are ready.
In regards to winning against OW, maybe a better question is what are you going to win? I don't think OW changes a thing in your sitch and I don't think many of is are terribly surprised she was revealed. Again, many phrases are just code for OW or A.
Some will say find out what your h is getting from OW that he wasn't getting from you. I suppose that's fine, however there are a few obvious things he's getting. A new, shiny, exciting R. Your h can present himself exactly the way he chooses. He doesn't have to reveal anything he doesn't want to and can tell OW "it's been over for years." In other words, he can lie to her as well. He doesn't have history with her so again, he can paint whatever picture he wants of his past life to her. She knows nothing different because she wasn't there. She also probably gives him an ego boost and hangs on his every word. She probably doesn't ask him to take out the garbage or if he has paid the power bill. It's probably all fuzzy now. Chances are that will fade in time but no one knows what their R will become. I know very few Ms come of affairs although I've known a few that resulted in M. I don't say that to be hurtful-rather just being candid. Again, these are just my thoughts as others may disagree. I don't think OW is the issue.
Maybe a better question is what do you want? Is an A a deal breaker for you?
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Thanks, GB. An A is not a deal breaker for me. I also know that the A was just a symptom and not the problem, but it explains A LOT about why he was so willing to work on things in January, but then backed WAY off sometime in February. Though the A seems to have had some beginnings as far back as August of last year, it didn't seem to get really serious until March.
What would I "win"? I have to think about this some more. At some moments, it feels like I'd just be winning the booby prize! What does she give him? Besides the obvious thrill of a new R, she also speaks H's love language (words of affirmation) all over the internet for everyone to see, so I think that's a big thing for him. He felt like he only got criticism from me and he gets, "you are the loveliest, tenderest..." blah blah blah from her. The stuff they say to each other online seems very like high school first love kind of stuff.
I don't know what I want. This is something that has just really taken root in my mind today, so I obviously have a lot of self-exploration to do.
So, if I decide I do want to try to save my M, what to do now? Re-read DR and start with a beginner's mind?
There is a BIG part of me that feels crazy for even thinking of trying.
