A Voyage Into The MLCer Mind II

[Wonka]

Here's a link to the previous thread:

A Voyage Into The MLCer Mind

Answering Questions from the Wonkaland Class

Busting: You ask a very good follow-up question.

In follow-up, if I may, have you tried or thought about explaining MLC to Ms Wonka?

Absolutely. I have given this some quite bit of thought. How the heck do you explain MLC to a non-DBer? Also wouldn't that negate the pain I've caused to Ms. Wonka? I would not want to come off as "excusing" my behaviors and blame it on MLC as in passing the buck elsewhere. This is something I struggle with as I do want to own and take responsibility for causing her untold pain with my MLC behaviors. How the heck do I go about it? Each person has his/her story. I have my story and Ms. Wonka most certainly has her story. Doesn't mean that I am right or she's right. It is our experience that colors our views. A tricky path to navigate indeed. I am vacillating back and forth on writing a letter to Ms. Wonka and then changing my mind telling myself "what's the friggin' point! What's done has been done."

Heather: Yup. Go ahead and perpetuate the MLC stereotype all you want! Those things do actually happen all over the world.

Yeah, Wonkity, howz come you weren't T'Ode with me?

Uh. Call me Ms. Royal Denseness...not sure what you're referring to, Heather. I'm not clear on what you're asking here.

Job: I'd like to ask you a question. Why did my response "We'll see" strike a nerve w/you? Others had posted about the possibility of you and Mrs. Wonka reconnecting...but it appears that my response was the only one to send you in a "heated" tail spin. Why?

In an indirect way, you exposed a very deep-seated fear that I've stuffed and shoved deep inside me for a long, long time. Sometimes the most subtle comment(s) serves its purpose quite well like a well-placed quiver piercing at the bull's eye at some distant target. The particular fear which is that I would re-experience the pain of having my heart ripped out once again by Ms. Wonka should I ever open my heart to her again. As you know, the pain was immense and I swore to myself that I would never allow to put myself in that position ever again. There's a pretty big scar that has made its mark on my heart--permanently. As you know, it is the most hurtful thing a person can go through: having your heart smashed in a million pieces by the person you love and trust the most. In a nutshell, that fear just reared its ugly head and I was frightened by it. I recognized it for what it truly was and talked myself through it by sitting on the fear sofa.

[job]

Wonka,
I'm very sorry that my response sent you into a tail spin, as it was not intended to do so. I do hope that you are feeling much better now.

[Wonka]

Job,

I am glad you made the comment for it forced me to examine the fear up close that Saturday night. I'm over it now and I am comfortable with what I've learned in that particular process. No need to apologize for you are not responsible for how people react. We all learn from each other and I posted because this is what it looks like for a former MLCer to experience years, years after the event.

[AJM]

Wonka, I think that's part of it, don't you? Facing those fears? I would guess that's one of the benefits of telling your story, albeit not always a fun and carefree benefit

I admire that you have that courage to face your past, and to share it with others. If anything, that shows a great deal of courage and growth.

I don't know that real healing can be accomplished without that experience. Even if we think we don't need it

And I will tell you that I have benefited greatly from your sharing and thoughts. In ways I wouldn't have thought I needed.

Peace,
AJ

[LoisB]

Well, myself and a some others all were hopelessly romantic and suggesting you and Ms. Wonka get it on. But, you only got uptight, or so it seemed, about Job's post. But, I think you answered above.

Thanks for sharing Wonka. It helps to hear the "MLC-er" talk about the pain THEY feel in all of this. I appreciate you going there. It reminds me that Smokey isn't the robot he tries to pretend to be.

[Wonka]

Can Heather and Job help me out here? I wanted to bring over your comments about "time slowing down" here. Went through some threads and cannot find it for some reason. Whose thread was it that the "time stands still" subject was briefly discussed?

Thanks! xo

[job]

I may have been one of the ones that spoke of time standing still for the mlcers recently...but many of us spoke of it many years ago. M Go Blue and several us had discussions about this way back when.

Let me think about the thread title for a bit.

[Wonka]

I think it was in the past two days...that comment you made, "Wonka may not agree, ......" Ya know what I'm talking about here, Job?

[job]

Let me think on it. I post to so many...but I do remember the comment.

[job]

Is this it? If so, I posted it on your thread on February 7th.

"Heather,
It's true that they think that we are right where they left us. Time is very slow for them and even still, so when they come out of it, the children have gotten older, the pets are older or have gone on to pet heaven and we aren't the same any longer. They tend to be like Rip Van Winkle's waking from a very long nap.

Wonka may not agree, but that's what I've been told by several who have come out the other side."